Please help me Oh Experienced mamas of boys older than 6...

[hotpreggermama]

The concern-
He has started to tell me how much he likes to see girls naked. To him, if someone is wearing a bathing suit, or just undies/bra, that is naked, as well as truly naked also being naked. We watched a movie a while back that had some girls dancing around in leotards, and after watching it, he asked to go back to the part "where the girls are naked". He really liked to watch that, and watched it several times over the following days until we decided to return the movie to Netflix. Anytime he sees a commercial on tv with women in bathing suits, or whatever, he gets really interested and makes a big deal out of the fact that they're "naked" and he likes to see them. Now, today, he has divulged that he likes to see *me* naked, and really likes to take showers with me, see my skin, etc. etc. It's really kind of creeping me out.

A little info-
My son is 3 (turned 3 in December). We still breastfeed, and he sleeps in a bed next to me in our room. It's not uncommon for him to shower with me, shower with my husband, or see either of us walking naked from the bathroom to get clothing.

So, I'm wondering, is this what it looks like when it's "time" to restrict nudity to bedrooms/bathrooms? I always expected him to be the one to request privacy, not the other way around. It's difficult for him to not be allowed to shower with me. He also has two little female friends who really like to be naked (and their mom seems hesitant to expect clothing to stay on while they're at our house), would you think it would be inappropriate for them to be naked together? What about nursing? I've been finding myself becoming more and more uncomfortable while we're nursing, but he doesn't seem willing to wean yet. TIA.

[Devaskyla]

Not sure why you only wanted advice from mom's with boys over 6, when your little guy is 3. I have to say, what you said sounds a little disturbing. At the same time, I think my ds went through a similar stage, though not so much. Could it just be curiousity? That is the age where they really start to understand the difference between males & females.

[Jane Plane]

If it's true that he's three, I wouldn't worry about it meaning anything about his eventual voyeurism or anything - it sounds like pretty natural curiosity to me. That said, it sounds like the perfect time to teach him about private areas, and to start keeping some privacy around the house.

[coleslaw]

Maybe it's just that his most fun, comforting times are when skin is exposed - nursing, showers with you, playing with friends. So he associates that with a good feeling. If that is the case, it sounds healthy. He is only 3. If he starts expanding his curiousity to touching, particularly his friends, he needs to have the privacy discussion. Good luck!

[Momily]

If he were seven or eight and saying the same things I'd be concerned -- but at 3, not at all.

I think he's just exploring the boundaries of privacy, and he's probably not so much into the actual nudity as the fact that it's "forbidden" -- even though he clearly hasn't picked up that from you since you sound like you have a healthy open attitude.

I think it's fine to set some boundaries if that makes you more comfortable -- for example, maybe stop changing in front of him, maybe wear a bathing suit in the shower, set some limits around touching -- but I think those things are about your comfort more than his.

As to how I knew to start being more "private" with my body around DS (8) -- it was when he started asking for privacy around his body -- closing the door when he went to the bathroom, not wanting me in the room when he showered, etc . . . He was about 7 and it was close to the time when he moved completely out of the family bed. It was also close to the age when he started really only forming new friendships with other boys (although he'll still play with girls who have been his friend for a while). I'm sure all those things are connected in some way.

[hotpreggermama]

Originally Posted by Devaskyla

Not sure why you only wanted advice from mom's with boys over 6, when your little guy is 3. I have to say, what you said sounds a little disturbing. At the same time, I think my ds went through a similar stage, though not so much. Could it just be curiousity? That is the age where they really start to understand the difference between males & females.

Sorry, I was in a hurry and couldn't think of a better way to put it. I just wanted to make sure that I didn't get a lot of moms who have kids who haven't reached this stage yet.

Disturbing? How so?
It probably just is curiosity, but I think I'm going to keep the door shut from now on.

[hotpreggermama]

Thanks for all your replies. It's comforting to know that this is somewhat normal.

[4evermom]

I think boys tend to be more visually oriented than girls. I know ds tended to start hyperventilating and giggling with anticipation of nursing when he saw me topless. Kinda reminded me of Beavis and Butthead

[cool_mom]

He also has two little female friends who really like to be naked (and their mom seems hesitant to expect clothing to stay on while they're at our house), would you think it would be inappropriate for them to be naked together?

How old are the girls? What is his reaction to seeing them naked and how do they feel about it?

Chances are, it's just a phase that he will grow out of or at least act more appropriately. For some reason, most males like to see naked females.

[hotpreggermama]

Originally Posted by cool_mom

He also has two little female friends who really like to be naked (and their mom seems hesitant to expect clothing to stay on while they're at our house), would you think it would be inappropriate for them to be naked together?

How old are the girls? What is his reaction to seeing them naked and how do they feel about it?

Chances are, it's just a phase that he will grow out of or at least act more appropriately. For some reason, most males like to see naked females.

They are approx his age- one is a year older and the other is a year younger. I know there's nothing devious or sexual about their interactions, but I feel uncomfortable with them all being naked together because he is really curious. Also one of them runs around pulling back her labia and exposing her clitoris while saying "look at my penis" (both her mother and I tried explaining that it's not a penis, but rather a clitoris). For some reason, that bothers me, and I wish they'd keep their clothing on.

[zansmama]

Sounds to me like a normal healthy little guy. You should see some of the shenanigans ds and his friends get up to. The important thing is our reaction. If we act like there's something bad or shameful, it becomes more tantalizing, and perhaps more hidden.
I think it's wonderful that your ds feels very comfortable telling you all of this. He will look to you for how to feel about these things. I usually find that a neutral sort of reation, like, "Oh, you like that part, huh?" has a pretty simple result. I don't know about your little fellow, but mine has a pretty short attention span for things that aren't all that interesting to mama.
Remember, he is a male. I know mine hasn't grown up yet, but I'm hoping that indulging his curiosity at this age when it is developmentally approprate will lead to a well-balanced, non-obsessive sexuality as an adult.
Openess, openess, openess is key to keeping our children safe in these matters. Any shame or hiddeness that they feel could lead to trouble down te road, imo.

[messy mama]

Originally Posted by hotpreggermama

They are approx his age- one is a year older and the other is a year younger. I know there's nothing devious or sexual about their interactions, but I feel uncomfortable with them all being naked together because he is really curious. Also one of them runs around pulling back her labia and exposing her clitoris while saying "look at my penis" (both her mother and I tried explaining that it's not a penis, but rather a clitoris). For some reason, that bothers me, and I wish they'd keep their clothing on.

I may be a prude, but I think this would be right about the time I would be saying, "we either play w/ our clothes on or we don't play at all." Actually, I probably would have said that a while ago. But, like I said I'm kind of prudish. I couldn't imagine going to someone's house and letting my child play naked all over the place.

If they are at your house and you want the girls to have clothes on, your friend needs to respect your wishes.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Originally Posted by hotpreggermama

For some reason, that bothers me, and I wish they'd keep their clothing on.

This says it all for me. It makes you uncomfortable -- it doesn't matter why. His reaction to you makes you uncomfortable, it doesn't matter why. You deserve to be comfortable in your own home. Figure out where you want limits to be and how to get there without making a big fuss for your child or others and work towards the limits.

My 3 YO is OK showering alone. It's not like they are going to drown, you know? Announce a new "clothing stays on" rule for playdates (and inform the other mom ahead of time so its not a shock). Change your clothes when he isn't in the room or go into the bathroom. As long as you don't do these things with negative body comments or make a big deal of it he isn't going to all of a sudden develop a negative attitude toward his body, or yours.

[Bindweed]

Originally Posted by 4evermom

I think boys tend to be more visually oriented than girls. I know ds tended to start hyperventilating and giggling with anticipation of nursing when he saw me topless. Kinda reminded me of Beavis and Butthead

:

OP, don't worry! It's good that he thinks the human/female body is beautiful. Mine think it's gross. Ok, well, actually the nine-year does seem to have developed a thing for Asian women. It started with Shing Ying on Zoom, and is now somewhere between Cho Chang in Harry Potter, and Lucy Lui (and can you blame him for that last one? )

[hotpreggermama]

Originally Posted by Bindweed

:

OP, don't worry! It's good that he thinks the human/female body is beautiful. Mine think it's gross. Ok, well, actually the nine-year does seem to have developed a thing for Asian women. It started with Shing Ying on Zoom, and is now somewhere between Cho Chang in Harry Potter, and Lucy Lui (and can you blame him for that last one? )

Lol, mine has a thing for blonds! At the park, he's always trailing some cute little blond girl.

[hotpreggermama]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

This says it all for me. It makes you uncomfortable -- it doesn't matter why. His reaction to you makes you uncomfortable, it doesn't matter why. You deserve to be comfortable in your own home. Figure out where you want limits to be and how to get there without making a big fuss for your child or others and work towards the limits.

Thanks, sometimes it's good for me to remember that I can expect others to follow house rules.

My 3 YO is OK showering alone. It's not like they are going to drown, you know?

When he showers with me, it's more of an activity for him than bathing. To clean, he takes baths, usually with me checking in intermittently, but he seems to get lonely quite easily, and prefers not to be alone during the 10-20 minutes it tales for me to shower. That's going to be the tough part for me- finding a way to shower w/o having a very sad child on the other side of the door. I don't think I'll push it that hard, though, but the play date clothing rule I think I'll enforce.

[hotpreggermama]

Originally Posted by Bindweed

:

OP, don't worry! It's good that he thinks the human/female body is beautiful. Mine think it's gross. Ok, well, actually the nine-year does seem to have developed a thing for Asian women. It started with Shing Ying on Zoom, and is now somewhere between Cho Chang in Harry Potter, and Lucy Lui (and can you blame him for that last one? )

Oh, mine noticed Hermione. "Mom, she's pretty like you."
kiddo runs up to the tv screen
"she has boobies" *giggles*
Somewhat OT, the last time we visited my grandmother, she was wearing a loose sun dress; she bent over to give him a hug. He noticed that she has breasts, too, and was sure to tell me right in front of her!!

[4evermom]

I remember random young kids coming up to me and patting my breasts starting when I was a teenager. I always just figured they were breasfed and were just realizing other women had the same equipment.

At 3, my ds understood he should wear clothes if we had company or were out of the house. I didn't make a big deal about it, just said this is what people do where we live. Sometimes he would take off his clothes if he got hot, anyway, especially if the people that were over were people with whom he was very comfortable, like his cousins.

At 5, I have to reassure him that it's ok if he goes downstairs in his boxer shorts when we have overnight company (relatives).