Why? Because there were good things about your relationship with him. Unfortunately they just didn't outweigh the bad. Of course you miss him and of course you feel lonely. But that will pass. I know it doesn't seem that way on the hard days, but it will. And your life will be the better for it.
You will get through labor just fine. Heck, my DH is utterly useless in labor. I want him there only for his sake, not mine. Men are generally necessary to start pregnancy, but not for birth, I promise.
You'll make it through nursing and school with a lot of hard work, just as you would have with him as your partner. But this way you won't have to spend time and energy on trying to hold together a failing relationship as you would if you were still with him. You can focus on your babies and your schooling.
And it can't work out because he's not able to hold up anything like his side of things in the relationship. One person alone simply cannot make a relationship work, no matter how hard she may try. You are strong, though you probably don't feel it right now. You will come out of this even stronger, and with more to offer yourself and your daughters and anyone else you might choose to have a relationship with in the future.
Grieve when and how you need to, but don't get mired down in grief alone. Focus on your little girls and think about all the things you want for them. Nothing brings out strength in a woman like working toward her children's futures!
I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace.
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