Almost 9 dd is so stormy these days

[Rani]

Okay...so either I have just lost my mind or my dd has. Lately, she can be the sweetest, most fun person to be around, then turns into kidzilla at the drop of a hat. I ask her to brush her teeth and she storms away in tears. Often requests are responded to in snotty tones or sarcastic remarks. When I ask her not to do that, she immediately becomes upset - well, you do it..why can't I? Well, because I am the Mom...no, that is not a good answer....sigh

We are a sarcastic family by nature, but come on. Does everything have to be a struggle?...its time for bed DD, go brush your teeth..., DD, please get ready for bed...go brush your teeth.....DD!!!!!!! Which is responded to with: FINE...stomp, stomp....mumble, mumble....

Or the other result will be tears and arguments that I am not being fair. "how come you get to do/say/be whatever and I can't?" Because I am asking you to do XYZ now. Please don't be rude to me. It hurts my feelings. "But you tell me I have to go/do/say XYZ".

Sigh...I lose patience with her easily as well, so I am partly to blame as well. It always seems like she can push my buttons so easily.

Thanks for listening if you have read this long....gods, if this is tween, what is puberty going to be like....

[CarrieMF]

I understand being a sarcastic family, but if it is hurting YOUR feelings for her to talk to you like that perhaps you should look at how the family speaks. Perhaps it isn't the best. She is mimicing what she hears but gets in trouble for doing so. She may not understand all of the sarcasm behind it or get the right tones so it comes across as sarcastic vs rude, but how can it be rude for her to act the same way the family does?

[KaraBoo]

My dd, 8, has a lot of control over her life and she has become very moody too. I think it's the age...I remember 6 being like this. 7 was a dream! LOL

[Rani]

Thanks for your replies...you are both so right! After I finished writing the first post, hubbie and I got to talking and pretty much, we came to the same conclusion...It has been stressful lately and I am afraid that we have lapsed too far into sarcasm to deal with it.

We have a new plan of attack (so to speak ) starting today so will see.

Thanks for listening.

[mmace]

Honestly, my first instinct is that this *is* the beginnings of puberty. My daughter started having the same mood swings - loving sweet girl to monster big sister to crying sobbing child - at about age nine, and she started her period a little over a year later.

[Tinas3muskateers]

Yep its puberty... it starts at 9. 9-14 are hard ages. That tween begining teen time is rough. Middle school is horrible. They are super moody, all getting their periods, they become clicky with friends, they can be mean to each other and it just gets nasty. Welcome to puberty... dont worry by the time they are 25 they realize you know best and they are foolish for never listneing lol.

[CarrieMF]

mother of a 8.5yo here, plus 2 more girls not far behind her. Dh says he's going to rent himself an apartment.lol

[Rani]

DD and dh are so much alike, I made arrangements so that "I" can move out when puberty officially hits :LOL

Thanks ladies....

[Ruthla]

I think that much of this is all a part of being 9 years old. Go check out the teens and preteens board and scan for posts on 9-12yos, and you'll see that this is very common!

[bigeyes]

puberty and sarcasm

Our family is like yours, we all have a bit of a sarcastic bone in us. I just started doing that same thing, stopping myself when I sound sarcastic, and starting over in a nicer tone.

I think some of the tv shows make kids think it's ok, too. I noticed a couple of years ago before we started limiting TV that nearly all the shows that appeal to preteens have sarcastic kids who talk back to their parents.

But yeah, it seems so obvious to think 'how would I like to be treated?' but in the middle of parenting sometimes it doesn't hit you till later. And puberty and my own hormonal issues add to the opportunities for conflict, that's for sure.

[duckling]

Isn't puberty delightful?

The only advice I have to offer is to pick your battles wisely. I think 80% of the stuff my parents and I fought about in my t(w)een years were completely irrelevant. If you don't have a good reason why you're asking/telling your dd to do/not do something, rethink the request. If you can back up a request with a logical reason that your dd can respect, you'll be less likely to end up with the "Because I said so!" "Well, I don't care!" fight.

Good luck, mama!

[Terabith]

Sounds like she is right on target! 8.5-9.5 is the time of the beginning of puberty, and the emotional roller coaster. I used to teach third grade, and the girls all started to get emotional and stormy towards the end of the year. Waldorf schools call it the nine year change. In addition to puberty (which is pretty much just girls at this age), kids are losing the innocence of childhood, being expelled from the garden. Waldorf schools read the Old Testament (saga of being expelled from garden of eden and innocence, having to come to terms with the Law and new way of relating to the world), do a lot of physical labor (farming and gardening, building houses, caring for animals), archery, develop a new sense of self through beginning to sing in rounds, and study how cultures through the ages meet the various needs of people (shelters, food, etc).

[bigeyes]

at any rate, both of us have started treating the other with a little more respect, and it has made a real difference. We just got caught up in the daily conflict to where we didn't care what worked, but rather both wanted our way, and the sarcasm and eye rolling on both sides only made it worse.

This place is an amazing resource, I wish I'd known about it sooner.