Help, My DS is a bully

[cutekid]

My DS like most childern his age is a very possesive little guy. As his mother I haven't ever been able to hold someone else's baby. From a young age he's let me knwo that he doesn't like to share me. AT ALL!!!

Today my friend dropped her two childern off for babysitting. We'ev only babysat otehr childern one other time at my house. I know the situation was a bit unfamilar to my DS and all.
My friend has two kids, one who is a few months older than DS, and the other is 13 months old. Several times my DS attacked the 13 month old. Twice I heard him yelling at her. He was telling her that I Was not her Mommy. One time he threw a pillow at her and knocked her down. He found other chances to attack her. I did notice his attacks were after me or his dad showed her attention or affection.

I realize this is normal behavior, but its also unacceptable. We gave him warnings, and time outs but the attacks only stopped when his father removed the 13 month old. Actually, she really likes my DF LOL.

I was wondering what to do. They will be back in the morning, and I need a solution for my DS's behavior. I told him that it was okay to share mommy and I'd always be his mommy. I am going to try and talk to him again tomarrow about how to treat his friends, even when he has to share them with his mommy.

But I cannot tolerate him using his size and age against her. He has a bit of history of beating up on smaller kids. There's been a few times at playgroups and at his baby sitter where he has pushed smaller childern down.

HELP!!!

[LynnS6]

Your son needs a shadow around this younger child. Basically, don't let him out of arms reach. If he goes to strike, gently grab his hand, and remind him to be gentle. If he happens to make contact, attend first to the child he hit, remove him and remind him that he needs to be gentle.

I would use a 'cooling down' period with him rather than a 'time out' -- so remove him from the situation so he can't hurt the other kids, and tell him that he can come back when he's calm enough to be gentle. My ds needs me to be with him during this 'calming period', my dd doesn't WANT me with her, so you'll have to gauge what works best for him.

I would tell ds matter of factly that they are coming back tomorrow, what you're going to do while they're here, and that you expect him to be gentle. I would tell him how long they're going to be there (until after lunch, for example), and then that their own mom will come pick them up. Maybe pack away a few of his special toys so he doesn't feel like his space is invaded so much.

I wouldn't say things like "you can share mommy" etc. because I think it would just set my kids up to be jealous. Instead I would say things like "It's hard when mom is busy with the other kids, isn't it?"

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I found that it was often easier to babysite multiple kids by going out for the day. As crasy as it sounds, off of everyone's home turf, somewhere that is a great distraction really made life easier -- though it is definitely trading a logistical challenge for an emotional one. If at least one of them is past stroller age, can you go to the zoo or someplace similar for part of the day? Even the play ground would probably help. Here we also have a couple of terrific indoor pay-to-play play spaces that are a great option. I've also been known to spend large chunks of "multi kid" days at fast food playplaces because they are escape proof and contained for littler kids. Of course, this assumes that both you and the other children's mom will agree to the food tradeoffs that means.