Gifted explosion with family - Page 2

[meowee]

Have him evaluated for dysgraphia first before pulling him-- my son has dysgraphia and it causes him physical pain to hold a pencil (this could account for poor dish washing too, it is a fine motor issue). Also, with the rushed reading, have him evaluated for dyslexia (a child can be both gifted and dyslexic).

I have to say I think it's not a great attitude to say 90% of life is boring and a grind... I think if your life feels like that (general you here, not you specfically), you ought to change something.

[meowee]

PS if he is dysgraphic maybe he could have a keyboard accomodaton?

[CryPixie83]

Originally Posted by jkpmomtoboys

To take away his gifted program certainly seems punitive to me.

A gifted program isn't soccer or video games or something that's a treat. It's a critical element of any gifted child's learning experience. Maybe it's fun but it's essential.

I agree you should talk to your son without judgment. Maybe he has a learning disability. Maybe he's bored. Maybe he does have an attention deficit disorder. The inability to wait or read through things that are long doesn't sound like laziness, they sound like something he may not be able to control.

Of course only you know your child...

(bold mine)
If they are really things he can't control, take a look at his diet. I know it sounds unrelated, but if he's eating things with artificial flavors, colors or preservatives in it they can really affect his impulse controls. www.feingold.org has more information on that

[kittywitty]

*sigh* Long post lost!

Anywho...

Your ds sounds just like me. It sounds like he may have OCD and maybe some ADD symptoms. I would look into dietary changes. Also speak to his gifted teacher and keep asking around until you get help.

Is there anything going on at home that could be influencing him? Family stress, etc,? I mean really look into it. Sometimes we don't want to see things that our kids *do* see and it effects them deeply. School work seems to be one of the first things affected.

Get extra special time with him, engage him in a new hobby or extracurricular. Buy new books. He doesn't sound challenged enough. He does sound bored, but he needs *you* to give him the tools to learn what to do when you are bored other than self-destruct.

[PlayaMama]

i think your situation is a very difficult one. my brother and i were both "gifted" but while i got a lot of pleasure from school and external motivators he always wanted to do it his way (internal motivation). in our case, i owe $50,000 in higher education bills and can do school really well but still can't really get myself motivated to do something on my own whereas he took his equivalency test at 14 and has a job with benefits and retirement and makes more/hour than i do. not that one is better but i think gifted education isn't always what it's cracked up to be.

as a substitute teacher i've noticed what you describe in quite a few kids. especially if they are gifted. it's like it takes too much trouble to do something correctly and thoroughly.

i'd try to find motivators for you son and read up on internal motivation. it sounds like he doesn't have much pride in his work or how that is a reflection of himself. all difficult issues!

ps~ it's good to hear some of the "unpopular views" here. i'm new too and i try to judge as little as possible and think critically as much as possible.

[apple_dumpling]

I agree with the posters who say that you shouldn't pull him out of the G/T program.

My brother is/was your child. He's in his teens now, but he was very gifted at an early age, and was put into a G/T program around second grade. It was best for him - he was bored to tears with the regular curriculum, but he just didn't like school, period. Unfortunately my mother had to work so she couldn't homeschool him, but that would have been best for him. He needs the interaction. He hated doing the work, and would often *not* read though, just like your son. He rushed through everything and would get a lot of points off for silly things that he could have avoided had he took his time.

but like a lot of the pp's are saying, he has some other issues that need to be addressed. He is *very* smart, but he is definitely on the ADD/ADHD spectrum, and perhaps has some other issues as well. My mom doesn't believe in medicating things like that so she is working with him and he seems to be doing better. He just doesn't like school, period... and things would be much worse for him if he were in a program that wasn't as challenging as the one he's in.

So I say ask your son why he is rushing, ask him if he wants to stay in the program. Perhaps he feels like something is wrong (like ADD or another issue) and is just lost because he doesn't know why he rushes or is "lazy" with his work. I'd definitely consider leaving him in the G/T program and perhaps looking up some of the other issues that are so common with G/T kids, and perhaps you will find that things will get better if you can identify why he is struggling.

[momsy]

Someone mentioned that I had posted this in the wrong area so I also posted it in Parenting gifted children. I addressed a lot of this there. It feels a little silly to have two threads.

[Kushali]

I agree with you that this could be a great way for him to learn to take his time. However I'd make sure your prepared for all the possible outcomes before you go ahead and have him retest.

He could get kicked out of the program and not care.

He could get kicked out of the program and not understand why.

He could get kicked out and develop his own reason why. "I'm dumb" or "school is stupid"

He could get kicked out of the program and be bored enough in regular classes that his behavior gets worse.

He could realize the test is important and do well enough on it to stay in gifted but still not change his behavior in the regular classroom.

I'm sure there are more scenarios.

For what its worth, I was like your son. In fact, I rushed through a standardized test in 3rd grade and ended up leaving several questions blank (and therefore wrong). Although that mistake had short term consequences (I got into the gifted program a couple months later than everyone else) it didn't ruin my life. I'm glad I had that experience (and dozens more that followed) where I could make a mistake, discuss it with my parents, and learn from it in an environment where it didn't "count" long term.

Its a balancing act. My mom used to say "you need to let kids get into trouble when its safe". She was thrilled when my 6th grade teacher gave me a C for messing around in class because a C in 6th grade meant very little, whereas a C in 11th grade could hurt my chances of getting into a college.

[lauren]

Momsy it's o.k. to cross post as long as everyone knows you're doing it. That way you kind of get two different sets of opinions to weigh.

One thing that occurs to me, is that many gifted children also have issues with concentration, attention and other executive functions. In other words, someone can be gifted and have 'gaps' and learning issues at the same time. Would it be possible to go into the retesting with a completely open mind, not looking for a particular agenda, but seeing where he falls? Also, if it is like the 3 year eval for other special needs, can you ask the psychologist to also test for challenges related to executive functions. A child can be extremely bright, but because they cannot concentrate or attend to the material, one would never know it. I suspect that this is more of the issue than laziness.

I think the testing should be more comprehensive for your son, or better yet, get him tested independently, out of the school, where you don't have to worry about anyone trying to slant the results in any direction. Your son deserves an honest objective look at his strengths and weaknesses.

[firstkid4me]

I was in the gifted program from 7th grade on (I was in it in the 4th grade too, but my parents were in the military so with all the moves at random times I didn't get to the schools in time for their yearly testing and was stuck until the next year.) I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 5 and was put on ritalin. I had a really hard time sitting still and focusing on my work, but I still got good grades. I'm sure it's hard for parents to understand what it's like for a child like that, I would request extra work from the teachers (with the undestanding they didn't even have to grade it!) and in 4th grade my teacher told me I could go to the library once a week and get a few books, they had to stay in my desk and I could only read them when I was finished with my work and did a good job. I was a big enough nerd that it was a big enough incentive for me to sit still, get my work done, and do a good job.

Taking him out of the gifted program will just make the problems worse. I was in regular English for 9th and 10th grade and was sooooooo bored. I swore to my mom that if I had to hear someone teach what a noun was AGAIN, I would scream. One teacher thought it was fun to do mad libs on Friday, I thought it was torture because none of the kids could remember what a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, and pronoun were! She'd actually have to write them on the board, every single week! I tested for the APH English class at the end of my 10th grade year and I just squeaked by, but the teacher wasn't sure about putting me in the class because I didn't have the "foundation" for her class. I insisted that I be in the class and ended up doing well, learning a lot, and feeling challenged, whereas I probably would have blown up at all the kids that I thought were stupid in the regulars class.

Ask if his teacher thinks he might have ADHD or ADD, see if she can recommend getting him tested. There is NOTHING wrong with having a child with this problem, it can help him get the help he needs to do better!

[flyingspaghettimama]

Another idea:

Read "The Myth Of Laziness" by Mel Levine.

[mom2ponygirl]

Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama

Another idea:

Read "The Myth Of Laziness" by Mel Levine.

:
I was going to suggest that book as well. If he has any learning issues, often well compensated for by giftedness and therefore not addressed, it could look like laziness. I would hate to see you lose the opportunity to remedy his weaknesses by not investigating the possibility.

Secondly, I can give my experience with my 'lazy' gifted 3rd grader.
She is also known to skim through quickly and make mistakes by not paying attention to what she is doing. She could lose focus in a nanosecond! The only 'fix' that we have found is to up the challenge level, significantly and allow projects driven by her interest. No, she doesn't unschool, or do only the things that she is passionate about, but that does make up a significant amount of her day. Over time I have seen her ability to focus on her work and pay attention to details grow tremendously. It is a definite area of weakness. One that we slowly work on and see steady improvement in. I have also had to find ways to model this level of organization to her. Since this is also a weakness of mine, it has been a challenge! The ability to perservere through frustration and boredom requires a passionately held goal and many, many years of slow incremental growth in your ability to maintain focus.

Whatever you do, you will not 'fix' his problem any time soon. It will take time and patience and understanding, and your ability to perservere through a long and often frustrating process. I really think you would see much more effort on his part if he was accelerated to the point that the work required more concentration on his part. He may not be able to generate the needed level of concentration on his own, without powerful internal motivation due to the material being very interesting to him. First he has to learn how to concentrate, by any means necessary, before you can realistically require it of him.

Just as an example - I think my daughter would only last a week or so in a third grade math class without beginning to turn in worksheets with more problems wrong than right. She did however, recently finish an honors pre-algebra class with a 94% average. She does not have the skill to focus on a non-interesting task with no observable benefit (to her) for hours on end. By allowing her to work at a challenging level, she is developing the skill to focus. By the time she is an adult, if there is a compelling reason to persist in a boring activity for an extended period of time, I think she will be well prepared to take it on. She will have developed those focus 'muscles' by repeated use. She will repeatedly use them because she sees a reason to do so.

Hope this helps, good luck on your journey!

[momto l&a]

Sounds like he has lost his desire to learn.

[Teacher Lady]

I don't know if this will help, but there is a website that talks about gifted students put together by the National Association for Gifted Children. Underachievment is something that needs to be watched out for within a gifted child. This website is for parents of gifted students http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/parents.htm and this month is focusing on underachievement.
I wish you the best!