aggresson in 3 year olds

[mamatosaskia]

Hi,

I have a dd who will be 3 in June. We do a childcare swap with another family and whenever the other little girl is over, my sweet, loving 3 year old turns into a monster! I hate to use that word, but she really shows her mean side when her little friend is over. Is this normal? For example, she will sometimes just start hitting her and the little girl will do nothing. I am wondering if the reason that my dd acts out is because the little girl doesn't respond and she likes to push her buttons?

I don't want to get too far ahead of myself, but at the same time I am a bit worried that this is a symptom for something bigger. Anyone else deal with this around this age?

I have to say that when this arises I am not always good at keeping calm and not screaming! It is hard to watch your own child inflict pain on someone else's child. I ahve talked to my friend about how to deal, and she suggested I let them work it out. I just can't sit by and watch her introverted daughter say nothing!

Any help would be much appreciated!

jj

[soybeansmama]

I remember at my son's 3rd birthday party he started getting really anxious and irritated by the other children in HIS house and playing with HIS toys. He actually chucked something really big at one of his beloved playmates because he wouldn't give back a toy that he was playing with. It was the first time I saw my son do something like that and while I believe that it is within normal ranges, it was still disturbing. We have since been able to diffuse things with playmates now by talking about "how would you feel if your friend did that to you?" We will let them work it out only if no one is getting physically hurt. Age 2.5-3 was a rough adjustment for us. I just think sometimes there are developmental things that go on that we don't always understand. I think sometimes they do things at that age just to get a reaction. It has been important for us no matter what to validate Sawyer's feelings. We say things like: "it makes you feel really angry when kids play with your toys, doesn't it?" Sometimes he just wants to know that we understand and that his 3year old feelings are OK. Don't know what else to tell you, hope it is something that passes!
Jessica

[AidansMommy1012]

: Keeping an eye on this. Ds1 recently turned 2.5 and has developed an aggressive streak. Gd can be really hard sometimes, especially when he's going after his usual target, ds2, who is 9 mo. He whacks the baby on the head over and over again, and it's so frustrating when we talk and talk and talk, and he still does it. I try to keep in mind that, while definately not desirable behavior, it is totally normal for him at this age. I know in my head that it's something he'll probably eventually just grow out of, and until then I need to be vigilant and try to step in and diffuse things when I see them heading towards hitting. When it's the 30-somethingth time, though, and the baby's screaming, and I'm wiped out...oh my. I was not raised with gd, so my initial instincts scream at me to freak out. It's hard.

[ani'smommy]

This is totally DD, too.

Anneke is 2, and the other little girl I watch is a few months younger. The other day she even said to me "Ani kick M.!" I said, "Ani, that hurts M! That makes her sad!" I look over at M. I said "Did that hurt you?" She says, "No." Argh.

So DD says "See, Mama? Ani kick M., M. no sad!" :

[wdube]

Originally Posted by AidansMommy1012

: Keeping an eye on this. Ds1 recently turned 2.5 and has developed an aggressive streak. Gd can be really hard sometimes, especially when he's going after his usual target, ds2, who is 9 mo. He whacks the baby on the head over and over again, and it's so frustrating when we talk and talk and talk, and he still does it.

Oh mama, I am right there with you. DS#1 will be 3 in July and DS#2 will be 1 in June. It seems like whenever I turn my back -- even if I just look away for a second -- DS#1 is hitting DS#2 over the head with something. He never does this to other kids, only his little brother. I know he's still adjusting to having a sibling, and he thinks it's fun to hit him, plus he's learning about boundries, how to control his impulses and aggression, etc., but it kills me!!! And I hate not being able to provide a safe environment for DS#2.

I'm reading "Playful Parenting" right now. The book has a lot of good ideas, but we still hadn't gotten past this.