I agree that they are entitled to have their feelings, and little ones don't have any other way to express that then by having a meltdown. Furthermore, we don't as parents need to "fix" their feelings. Feelings are neither good nor bad, they just--are.
We also do not need to give in to tantrums if we have decided that a NO was necessary. The best way to teach a child to throw fits is to give in when they throw one. I am not talking about the "I'm overtired, hungry, or overstimulated" meltdown which warrants whatever remedy works with that specific child; I am talking about the tantrum thrown with the specific purpose of getting some result. What worked best for my child in those situations was a calm, sympathetic, but firm "I see that you are angry about x, y, or z. When you calm down we can talk about it. Do you feel like going to the car (or to your room) or are you ready to calm down here?" Most times, we needed to relocate, and sometimes a little redirection helped as well. I never really cared what people thought if my toddler was having a meltdown in public--all kids do it at one time or another, and anybody stupid enough to have the opinion that when THEY become parents THEIR kids will never behave in such a fashion will get their comeuppance eventually!
We also do not need to give in to tantrums if we have decided that a NO was necessary. The best way to teach a child to throw fits is to give in when they throw one. I am not talking about the "I'm overtired, hungry, or overstimulated" meltdown which warrants whatever remedy works with that specific child; I am talking about the tantrum thrown with the specific purpose of getting some result. What worked best for my child in those situations was a calm, sympathetic, but firm "I see that you are angry about x, y, or z. When you calm down we can talk about it. Do you feel like going to the car (or to your room) or are you ready to calm down here?" Most times, we needed to relocate, and sometimes a little redirection helped as well. I never really cared what people thought if my toddler was having a meltdown in public--all kids do it at one time or another, and anybody stupid enough to have the opinion that when THEY become parents THEIR kids will never behave in such a fashion will get their comeuppance eventually!
: These are the ones that really really bother me. I can handle the tantrums that are as a result of a limit I've set. The others make.me.nuts. I call those ones his "spazzy" tantrums, because he's spazzing about something that isn't even an issue (I was doing it anyway but not quickly enough, or I am willing to help him but he won't accept my help, both as mentioned above). When it's one about not being quick enough or him just not listening and not hearing my "yes", I've started recently to stop what I'm doing, get down to his eye level, and say, "hey bud. I said yes. We're X, just give it a minute to happen." And that helps, most of the time. The spazzy I-can't-do-it-yet-but-I-don't-want-your-help ones still baffle and irritate me.
