Laughing at me

[WannabeaFarmer]

What should I do?
Here is my story.
DD is almost 17mo. She is starting to get defiante. She will do things to antagonize me, or basically bacause she thinks its funny to get a look on my face/rise out of me. Now she doesnt to this to daddy.
When I tell her "no" or remove her from the naughty situationa nd try and get her attention elsewhere to be doing something that is not naughty, she laughs at me. When I try to dsicipline her she just looks and me and laughs.
Now time outs only work some of the time(we have been trying 5minute time outs).
Does anyone have a suggestion on how to handle this? It is making me very frusterated that when I try to discipline her she thinks its funny and I am trying to be serious.

[twopinknoblue]

Couple of thoughts here......First, my opinion is that 17 months is too young for children to be defiant on purpose. Her laughing is probably less at you and more at the fact that she is pleased with herself for finding a way to get your attention. The thing that worked best for us in these situations is to explain in simple terms why she isn't allowed to do what it is you don't want her doing, and to physically take her to do something that is appropriate. When you remove her from the "naughty" situation and distract her with something appropriate, you need to actually take time to engage her and not simply place her in an appropriate spot and go on with your business. Also, you may want to re-think what you consider "naughty" or off limits. This isn't to say that you should let your DC run around playing with everything in your house........but, if it's not dangerous or breakable, there's really no harm in letting your child explore it, after all, exploration is how children learn.

Second, 5 minute time outs are WAY TOO LONG for a 17 month old. On the rare occassion that my 3 1/2 year old needs a time out, it's never for 5 minutes. The general rule of thumb is 1 minute per year of age, so at the most your times outs should be no more than 1 1/2 minutes. Again, I would be careful about what I use time out for. The few times we have used time out it was for blatant disobedience of rules that involved safety. If you are overusing time out it will become a less effective tool for the times that you really do need it.

[WannabeaFarmer]

OK sounds good. Yeah when she did something earlier(she was tearing at the fish tank and dropping legos in it)after trying to remove her(I read her a book, offer her some crackers cause it was near snack time, and I played a game with her)she went on to emptying my dirty laundary and running around with it on her head(Now I will admit that I found this hilarious and had to take a moment to walk away and laugh). Sometimes I just need to walk away from the situation, and I think thats why I was using time outs for so long cause I got too frusterated.
Thanks soo much. I am so glad I can come here for help and ideas on how better to approach a situation.

[DevaMajka]

17 months old is definitely too young to be defiant!! lol. I don't even think my 2.5yo is capable of that. They are SOOOO ego-centric that young, that I honestly don't think that it even occurs to them to act in a certain way because of how it affects OTHERS They may know that if they act in a certain way, THEY will get a specific benefit. But as far as knowing that "if I do x, then mom will feel y" I don't think they are capable of that type of "other" thinking. kwim?
One thing that I noticed in my ds at about that age, is that he would laugh out of nervousness, I think, when I would get "stern" with him. He just didn't really know how to react, so he laughed.

Imo, timeouts are not going to be effective for a 17 month old. I personally don't think that time outs (used as a punishment) are effective for teaching anything that you want to teach. At best, they teach children to "behave" for self centered reasons.

Here's are a few articles that I love, that might be helpful for you:
This one deals with kids laughing at a parent correcting them http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/subsection13.html
http://www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt/looking_past.html

Past post about time outs: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=395873
Time out articles:
http://www.awareparenting.com/timeout.htm
http://www.naturalchild.com/guest/peter_haiman.html

[WannabeaFarmer]

Wow you know it is so nice to know that I can come here for some excellent advice..
I get embarrassed by my frustration sometimes That is why I have trouble trying to discipline DD.
I am so happy to have found MDC. Thanks so much, I can express my love enough for you mammas. Why cant the rest of the world be as great as it is here...

[DevaMajka]

I totally feel ya, as far as the frustration. There are a few things that I really need to work on how I respond.
One thing that really helped me was to read a lot of parenting books.
I'd recommend Becoming the Parent You Want To Be (from one of the links I posted) for concrete advice on how to deal with an under 5yo child.

[riversmommy]

I agree that 17 months is a little young for time outs. I remember doing constant redirection with my ds, it's so mentally exhausting! But she's old enough for LOTS of friendly explanations like "leggos will hurt the fish but you can drop them in the sink with water to see them splash". And why not laugh WITH her sometimes too-she doesn't think laundry is dirty or clean, it's just fun!!! I find that laughing is a great tension tamer. Afterward it's a great opportunity to "help pick up and put it in the basket". It's so time consuming but before long she'll be reminding you of where things belong and why fishtanks are not for leggos!!

[PreggieUBA2C]

I agree with pps.

I wonder if you couldn't use her laughing as a cue to lighten up and cuddle or tickle her? I find my 16 month old's laughter so engaging that even when he's just emptied fifty of my books onto the floor with one swipe, and laughs at my facial expression, I can't help but run to him and scoop him up, tickle him, and deposit him via (gentle) wrestling move onto the couch while I return to tidy.

My son's laughter is not a mockery of me; it's an expression of him, which and whom I love, and it's easier to cope with the myriad messes that happen here daily when I focus on that rather than internalising dc's reactions to me, unless they indicate a need for change in me, which I take seriously.

Our 16 mo old is the youngest of three boys, the eldest of whom is not yet four yrs. It's hectic, and it can be frustrating sometimes, but I actually feel much better on days when I become frustrated and our dc can meet my reaction with laughter; it really helps me to see them and to lighten up. Maybe a change in focus will help you too?

Also, a stern facial expression and voice is a sure way to be laughed at by a little person who still thinks you are the centre of the universe; she finds you sooo interesting and knows you sooo well that changing your tone and appearance is hilarious! Laugh with her! She thinks it's funny, so she most likely assumes that you do too.

ETA: a few posts while I was writing, so sorry about the redundancy.