DH wants Circ, I do not

[awallrising]

So DH is totally onboard with my choices with being PG, having an MW, etc. but he wants our son to be circumcised (he's due in mid-June). DH is circumcised & believes whatever research he's read that shows that circ is better, cleaner, healthier, decreases transmission of diseases, etc. Why he hasn't seen all the articles against circ is beyond me.

I was going to let him make the decision, but now I want to put my foot down. It took me 2 yrs to get PG & being PG has been challenging at times. We choose a "natural" lifestyle & view birth as a natural process so why would I want to go against all that & remove a part of my son's body that has evolved to be there for a reason?? Plus do I really want Ian to be tortured a day or two after the trauma of birth??

I am trying to find a convincing argument to convince DH. Of course none of my midwives are for Circ, so he may need to have a chat with them.

[guestmama9908]

Well you can start by reading this article. It is meant for the woman though to give you perspective into your husband's thoughts

http://www.stopcirc.com/vincent/vuln...ty_of_men.html

You could also share the mothering articles in the sticky above with your husband. Some other good links to check out are:

http://www.nocirc.org/
http://www.noharmm.org/home.htm
http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/index.html

Here is a link to a circ video: http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...umcision&hl=en WARNING: Graphic circ video

Also my DS is circed . It is the greatest regret of my life. You can read our story here:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...&postcount=278

[corgimom]

Go to google and type in circumcision video. Make your husband watch a video (with the sound turned on) of the procedure being done. Tell him before hand that most of the time, no anesthesia or anesthetic is used. Then ask him if he still wants to have his son circ'd. I honestly had no clue how involved the procedure was until I watched a circ video. I always thought it was just a little snip. I can't even get my SO to watch a circ video. He said that if I watched it and decided I wasn't doing it to my child, he'd trust me on it. I was telling my mom about it, so that I could get more than one person on my side. She covered her ears and felt sick when I was telling her how they do the procedure. And immediately felt guilty about circ'ing my brother in 1982.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by CalenandEllasmomma

Well you can start by reading this article. It is meant for the woman though to give you perspective into your husband's thoughts

http://www.stopcirc.com/vincent/vuln...ty_of_men.html

Yeah, definitely read this article! (DON'T show it to your dh, though.... it's just for you to read and think about!)

And read my signature.

[awallrising]

I think I found enough conclusive articles along with the You Tube videos to sway DH. I started to watch the actual Circ video & got really upset despite the fact that I am not bothered by graphic medical type shows. That crying was awful, not normal infant crying at all.

In the end, I will just not let it happen no matter what DH thinks. He's a sensible person & will hopefully come to the sane conclusion without me pitching a fit. I also have my MWs & Doula to help with the argument. I have not spoken to one medical person yet who agrees with Circ.

[Genesis]

Well, I would definitely show him a circ video, that should help, along with the articles above.

I love my DH dearly, but if he had wanted to circ DS, I wouldn't have backed down about it. I would never let anyone cut my baby, no matter what.

[trmpetplaya]

Good for you Best wishes, and stay strong Let us know if you need help rebutting any of his reasons for wanting it done... between all of us, we've heard them all.

love and peace.

[gridley13]

Originally Posted by awallrising

In the end, I will just not let it happen no matter what DH thinks. He's a sensible person & will hopefully come to the sane conclusion without me pitching a fit.

I was just wondering... did you mean to say same? If so... don't correct it I like the typo.

Glad you think he is coming around by the way... and good for you for your firm decision.

[Nodtveidt]

Originally Posted by A&A

Yeah, definitely read this article! (DON'T show it to your dh, though.... it's just for you to read and think about!)

I've read that article myself. Definitely a good read.

[AntoninBeGonin]

x

[awallrising]

gridley 13- I meant to say "sane" (i.e. no to Circ)

I read the article & he makes a lot of great points. Honestly, I think uncircumcised penises look weird but that's b/c I am unfamiliar with them, so DH shouldn't be threatened by that aspect. With the 1st uncirc'd boy's diaper I changed (like 18 yrs ago), I was like "what the hell is wrong with his penis?", then I figured it out. Despite my "prejudice", I will not put my DS through this for what amount to essentially cosmetic reasons in my book, the pro-circ research just isn't convincing enough for me. And even though one may not be convinced by the anti-circ research, there is enough conflicting infomation that should make a parent go with the gentle, "no harm" route.

Men evolved with a foreskin for a reason. We just don't have body parts that do not serve a function (except our appendix). Hey, why doesn't everyone have their appendix removed at birth b/c it might cause a problem one day??

Thanks for all the support.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I was not able to convince dh before having ds that circ was bad but ds stayed intact all the same because that is how he was made and I wasnt about to go cutting bits off him. It has taken 2+ yrs but after showing dh the circ video he has finally I think realized what a horror circ really is.

[Nodtveidt]

Originally Posted by awallrising

except our appendix

...which does in fact serve a purpose, as scientists have now discovered...it allows us to digest wood. Of course, since we don't exactly go snacking on 2x4s, it's pretty much useless to us in this day and age from a dietary point of view, but if it were truly a useless organ, it would have "evolved out" long ago.

[Mommiska]

Hi Amy - just wanted to lend a bit of moral support to you in your research and taking to your dh - you've already gotten some great advice/links.

As for the appendix - I thought they'd found that the appendix is actually an important part of the immune system? I'll need to go off and google to see if I'm right or just making stuff up off the top of my head!

[myjulybabes]

Just my experience-- you don't always have to pull out the "big guns", like the videos and super graphic articles and such, right away. Some simple articles that show that there is NO medical benefit and a talk on how we'd never perform any other kind of cosmetic surgery on a baby was all it took to convince my dh. And we did circ our last son, because we weren't fully educated on it, so that kind of shows where we were coming from.

Of course, if that doesn't convince him...then maybe it's time for the more graphic stuff.

[buckeyedoc]

In a jam, you could always tell him that circumcision can be done any time in life if needed, even though your son will very likely never need or want it. It's just pointing out that there is no need to rush into circumcision and that NOT circumcising isn't the irreversible decision.

[CherylDec&Jul]

I just went through this with dh. Now every person is different but one thing that really helped break through was getting other IRL anti-circ opinions (ie obgyn & pedi both said it was cosmetic only, my mom - retired nurse working in maternity ward - said I cant believe they are still doing that to little boys). Once he "heard" that is wasnt this big necessary procedure then he was really open to all the online research!

So you definitely may want to have him talk with your midwives & any IRL people who's opinion he respects. Also, I know it helps my dh if you let it "sink in" - so my convincing was several - but not a lot - of conversations over approx 6 weeks!

Good luck!

[myjulybabes]

Originally Posted by buckeyedoc

In a jam, you could always tell him that circumcision can be done any time in life if needed, even though your son will very likely never need or want it. It's just pointing out that there is no need to rush into circumcision and that NOT circumcising isn't the irreversible decision.

Yep, used that one on my dh too.

[Yulia_R]

you're the mother, please protect your baby!

Here is a very good post "I'm pregnant"; some pregnant girl had posted it a while ago and she got TONS of responses with alot of good info and links.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=604463

Here is Penn and Teller, video "Circumcision~Bullshit"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?search=...&v=8bpPZ2p0lh0

and video of the procedure (turn your speakers on!)

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...umcision&hl=en

Please read/watch it together with your dh. If he wants your son "to look like daddy" he can definitely restore his foreskin which will also be very beneficial for him instead of mutilating his little perfect baby!

good luck!
yulia.

[Quirky]

Originally Posted by awallrising

Honestly, I think uncircumcised penises look weird but that's b/c I am unfamiliar with them, so DH shouldn't be threatened by that aspect. With the 1st uncirc'd boy's diaper I changed (like 18 yrs ago), I was like "what the hell is wrong with his penis?", then I figured it out. Despite my "prejudice", I will not put my DS through this for what amount to essentially cosmetic reasons in my book, the pro-circ research just isn't convincing enough for me.

I had only seen adult, circed penises in my life before having ds. I don't know that I'd ever seen a baby's intact penis before. It quickly became apparent to me that the intact penis is normal, not weird at all (and of course on a baby it's totally cute and adorable! Just like the rest of them. : )

But seeing relatively newly circed penises....Oh. My. Cow. After being used to my ds' penis, seeing baby circed penises was incredibly upsetting. They are red, raw, wounded, exposed, and sad. : It also totally changed my view of my dh's penis, and made me realize how much was taken from him. The scar is SO apparent to me now. So check out some sites of newly circed baby penises, it'll adjust your feelings on normality really quickly.

Not that I think you need any more convincing, it's just that it's very common for our view of normal to change once we've been exposed to what normal really is.