I want to elaborate a little more on what I wrote earlier:
Originally Posted by May May
Mama, I totally get that. Many times, I have needed to hold onto being right for a long time (sometimes years) before I have been ready to open up to this stuff. This is especially relevant for me regarding the ending of my own marriage, as well.
Princesstutu, I don't know if you're still reading the thread but I have been thinking about our dialog, here. I want to share a little more of my own story with you.
My marriage to my ex is what first brought me to The Work back in 2000. It actually took me several years to open up to The Work and to no longer see it as dismissive. It is ironic to me now to look back at my view of it as dismissive, because I see where my perception of The Work itself was a projection (as it is now, too), like everything always is. I saw it as dismissive because, back in those days, I was in the deeply-ingrained habit of doubting my own perceptions and judgments. I also tended to minimize my own concerns about the marriage and to attempt to sweep them under the rug by distracting myself and putting on a happy face when it wasn't authentic. I was also telling myself things such as "you're overreacting". It took years of very strong anger for me just to feel clear and set in my story, to feel like I even knew
my own feelings and could articulate them and to really, fiercely believe
So when I finally had the story all fleshed-out, I found that I needed to stew in it for a couple of more years. I did The Work on it but my answers never really pierced me very deeply, and I see now that it is because I still just wasn't ready. I really needed to sit in my defense, my justification, my rightness. It was so emotionally, mentally and spiritually nourishing and validating for me to do so during that period. It was only after a long time of that that I came to a place where, suddenly, mind grew quiet. It was very quiet and still, and I woke up one day inquiring to myself about what I wanted to do
with it all. It was beginning to feel like the story had served its purpose and so I began to open up to what might be on the other side of the story . . . who I would be without that story.
I without my story? And that is where I still sit, now. Have you ever heard Katie say that sometimes we can sit in (be with) one question for years?
This is a common experience. It is exactly why Katie is often heard asking people, very gently, if they want to know the truth or do they need to be right. She, too, seems to really understand people's strong need to live their truth in each moment of their lives. And it is what it is. Until it isn't. But it's always, always about living in our own, genuine experience. She calls this integrity . . and I agree with her.