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12 year old physical....... - Page 5

post #81 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by lorijds View Post
I think it's disrespectful of your child to not allow her privacy with her practitioner, either. When we do exams on kids 12 and older, we always ask the parent to step out for a few seconds while we ask some personal questions, and we tell them we will ask them right back in; and we do, unless the child requests otherwise.
I would hate drs. even more in a practice like yours. I would NOT have been comfortable with my mom stepping out when I was 12 or 13 or 14 etc. And I was PAINFULLY shy and would have felt VERY awkward asking that she stay.

:

I would have felt bullied and manipulated.

-Angela
post #82 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by theretohere View Post
I'm amazed at the moms saying they wouldn't leave the room. That doesn't give your child much of a chance to bring up anything embarrassing that's been going on.
If my CHILD asked me to leave the room, sure, I would.

-Angela
post #83 of 114

Physicals are ridiculous.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3boysmom View Post
My guys have been through many sports/camp physicals. All that is required is that the doctor sign a form stating that there is no physical reason that the child can not participate in the stated activity. There is no reason the doc cannot skip the testicle check and still sign the form. Heck, the last sports physical my son had took place in the school hallway - he was weighed, measured, heart and lungs checked, bp taken and that was it. I'm sure that the doc will sign the camp form without the testicle exam. I'd let him wait on that until he's more comfortable.
I saw this, and I read what you wrote under it, and just wanted to say : . He doesn't have testicular cancer. He's twelve. And poking around down there just clinicalizes sex and makes kids feel exposed. I'm all for 'natural' and 'no-shame' approaches, but bi-polar or not a 12 year old will, and has every right to be, freaked out by a genital exam. I kicked my first ob-gyn (and I'm proud of it!) when my mom took me in at 11. I don't plan to take my daughter in until she asks for it, either for BC or for her own reasons. Sex should be taken at an individual pace, and I think that becoming open and mature enough to deal with your genitalia in a non-sexual and practical way takes just as long, if not longer.

PS - My general practitioner doctor always signed off on those forms. Didn't even blink, and certainly didn't ask for a genital exam. He actually rolled his eyes at one, once, because he thought it was that ridiculous. He did this up until I was 17, which is when I needed the last one.
post #84 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen_A View Post
I'm horrified to hear that this is considered part of the general exam aged 12 in the US!!

A pelvic exam is suggested in the UK for the first time that you see someone as an adult! And even then its the cough test (males) and for females is palpation of the uterus *only* which would be part of a general check of the stomach area anyway. There is absolutely no expection of suggestion of anything more intimate unless there was a damn good reason why! Smear tests are suggested to be every 3-5 years and then only once one is sexually active; and never never done on an under 16 unless there is another situation that warrants it (like pregnancy, rape etc. and then only with the complete consent of the female herself, possibly her parent/guardian (or a.n.other adult if she chooses to either not involve her parents, or her parents are those whom are under question).
I'm moving to the UK.
post #85 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
I would hate drs. even more in a practice like yours. I would NOT have been comfortable with my mom stepping out when I was 12 or 13 or 14 etc. And I was PAINFULLY shy and would have felt VERY awkward asking that she stay.

:

I would have felt bullied and manipulated.

-Angela
That is the point I was trying to make about MY daughter, but apparently she NEEDS to learn to take control of her medical care by herself NOW. Apparently NOW is the time she needs to grow out if this can't wait until she is older. :
post #86 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
I would hate drs. even more in a practice like yours. I would NOT have been comfortable with my mom stepping out when I was 12 or 13 or 14 etc. And I was PAINFULLY shy and would have felt VERY awkward asking that she stay.

:

I would have felt bullied and manipulated.

-Angela
I was painfully shy too. My mom stayed and SHE made me feel bullied and manipulated by her insistence that she could not trust me and could not allow me privacy. She wanted to come in for my first pelvic when I was 18 and became enraged when I asked her to sit outside and the nurse told her she had to comply. I don't think it's far-fetched at all to think that some of the "protective" parents here might do the same.

Increasingly I come to see how much of the "protective" nature of AP is anxious people's grasping for CONTROL. And I speak as the child of prototypical "AP" parents, not just as a member of MDC or AP circles in the real world.
post #87 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoshua View Post
umm why is he going to have a testicular exam weather he likes it or not?


I did not have a doctor look at my testicles until i was 23 years old and worried I contracted an STD from my then soon to be ex-wife. I had the routine exam for std's and checked out, but I never even contemplated having my testicles examined prior to that.


Having someone look at or touch your genetalia should be a personal choice, and should not be forced on you by anyone.


You can explain to him why it is no big deal, but I would NEVER force someone to undergo such an invasive exam until THEY were ready.

For what it is worth, teens and young men are at a higher risk for testicular cancer and having exams BEFORE helps, like with breast exams, to get a baseline.

At 20 my brother got testicular cancer and it took the docs 4 months of complaints to finally get a clue. He lost all his hair, a year of college, one testicle, and likely his fertility. He was in the hospital for almost a month. It had spread into other areas of his body by the time he got treatment. He was so weak he could not walk to the bathroom and I stayed home from high school some days to wipe vomit off of him while he layed unable to get around.

Lots of people underestimate how important these exams are but by 23, it would have been too late for my brother.

That said, your brother needs to be okay with it for it to happen, I agree that forcing is not the way. While I argee that opting out at 12 is fine, I also think this is an issue that would be worth resolving in a way that recognizes the importance of such exams.
post #88 of 114
Here is a self-exam guide -- perhaps he could start with self exams and then would eventually become more comfortable with getting exams from the doctor

http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/guys/tse.html
post #89 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post
I was painfully shy too. My mom stayed and SHE made me feel bullied and manipulated by her insistence that she could not trust me and could not allow me privacy. She wanted to come in for my first pelvic when I was 18 and became enraged when I asked her to sit outside and the nurse told her she had to comply. I don't think it's far-fetched at all to think that some of the "protective" parents here might do the same.

Increasingly I come to see how much of the "protective" nature of AP is anxious people's grasping for CONTROL. And I speak as the child of prototypical "AP" parents, not just as a member of MDC or AP circles in the real world.
I'm going to have to agree.
post #90 of 114
I'm back here reading more and wondering how you go to the doctors for one thing and end up being invited to talk about drug use and consent (or otherwise) to a pelvic exam.

Questioning of those who proclaim themselves to be knowledgeable is never a bad thing IMO. Yes I am cynical about the medical profession in lots of ways but it is not a knee-jerk reaction: it has taken years for me to feel this way and not without cause. I have lived in places where you pay for treatment and places were you don't and I am more sceptical about the pay-per-visit to be honest because I believe it distorts priority.

Have you heard of Harold Shipman? He was a well respected GP here in the UK who murdered scores of his patients over several decades. There is evidence that he killed 215 of his patients but the number may be higher. No-one suspected him of wrongdoing because he was a doctor. That culture of complete faith is breaking down here little by little partly due to his case.

The doctor patient relationship is not one of equals and can be a very threatening one; after all some doctors can ultimately decide if you live or die by choosing treatments or surgery for you.

I know not all doctors are bad but it does no harm to scrutinise their practice, question their protocols and challenge them if necessary.
post #91 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangefoot View Post
I'm back here reading more and wondering how you go to the doctors for one thing and end up being invited to talk about drug use and consent (or otherwise) to a pelvic exam.
For the same reason that, when a woman visits a hospital for another reason, she gets routinely asked "Do you feel safe at home?" Because it may be the only time that she is able to answer honestly because she is by herself in a trusted environment.

I believe young people should also routinely be allowed to be alone with a health care provider so that they can discuss things that they may not be able to discuss in front of their parents - abuse by said parents, drug use, or sexual activity of which their parents would not approve.
post #92 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post

I believe young people should also routinely be allowed to be alone with a health care provider so that they can discuss things that they may not be able to discuss in front of their parents -
I have no problem with them being allowed to. I do have a problem with them being pressured or coerced.

-Angela
post #93 of 114
:

They should not be forced to be alone with a doctor if they are not comfortable with it.

And at 18 I don't think I would even go to the doctor with my daughter, let alone try to force my way into a pelvic exam. There is a huge difference between protecting our young teens for needless prodedures, and uncomfortbleness with a doctor, and trying to control our adult children.
post #94 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
For the same reason that, when a woman visits a hospital for another reason, she gets routinely asked "Do you feel safe at home?" Because it may be the only time that she is able to answer honestly because she is by herself in a trusted environment.
OK. We live in different worlds.
post #95 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by aniT View Post
That is the point I was trying to make about MY daughter, but apparently she NEEDS to learn to take control of her medical care by herself NOW. Apparently NOW is the time she needs to grow out if this can't wait until she is older. :
I would suggest reading about anxiety. It is not normal behavior for a child who is 13 to be unable to speak to people in public. While I understand the impulse as a caring parent to make everything easier for your child, with anxiety that can actually be doing the child a disservice because the more they stop doing the less they are able to do. The more you excuse them not engaging in normal behavior (speaking to shop clerk or the doctor) the more you tell them that there is something real to worry about and that you don't have trust or confidence in them.

I didn't get from anyone here that kids should be thrown off a bridge and told to swim. Rather, that learning to take control of your own medical care is a long learned process that should start when kids are young. If your kid is already into the teenage years and they are doing none of this (not even able to speak to the doctor) as a parent I would be concerned about it.
post #96 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangefoot View Post
OK. We live in different worlds.
They don't ask that in the UK? It's routine here, in Massachusetts at any rate.

It gives women in DV situations an opportunity to get help that she might not be able to bring herself to ask for otherwise.
post #97 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roar View Post
I didn't get from anyone here that kids should be thrown off a bridge and told to swim. Rather, that learning to take control of your own medical care is a long learned process that should start when kids are young. If your kid is already into the teenage years and they are doing none of this (not even able to speak to the doctor) as a parent I would be concerned about it.
Thanks for your opinion. I am not concerned in the least. My daughter hasn't even been to the doctor since she was 11 anyway. I don't believe in "routine" physicals. The last one she had was when she was 11 for GS camp. If she needs one for something else, I will again take her to our ND who is just as POed about the new recent vaccines as I am and I don't have to worry about her trying to push them or a pelvic exam on her.

If for some reason however my DD was to go to the ER, I WOULD NOT leave the room case I don't know/trust those doctors.

I see nothing wrong with her not wanting to talk to doctors. I myself wouldn't when I was her age, and if I was forced to answer questions I would lie.

Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
They don't ask that in the UK? It's routine here, in Massachusetts at any rate.

It gives women in DV situations an opportunity to get help that she might not be able to bring herself to ask for otherwise.
I have never been asked such questions either. Never! So it is NOT routine everywhere. Of course I haven't been to a hospital since DD3 was born three years ago. But nope.. they never asked me anything of that nature when DH was out of the room either.
post #98 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post

Increasingly I come to see how much of the "protective" nature of AP is anxious people's grasping for CONTROL. And I speak as the child of prototypical "AP" parents, not just as a member of MDC or AP circles in the real world.
I agree.

I'd like to suggest the book The Price of Privilege http://www.amazon.com/Price-Privileg...8068483&sr=8-2

While it is superficially talking about how social class comes into play parenting teenagers it has a lot of insight into how children are hurt when parents don't foster some independence. It isn't an all or nothing overnight thing but a gradual process and a process that some parents think they can protect their kids from...but that doesn't turn out very well.
post #99 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by aniT View Post
Thanks for your opinion. I am not concerned in the least. My daughter hasn't even been to the doctor since she was 11 anyway. I don't believe in "routine" physicals. The last one she had was when she was 11 for GS camp. If she needs one for something else, I will again take her to our ND who is just as POed about the new recent vaccines as I am and I don't have to worry about her trying to push them or a pelvic exam on her.
Ah, the assumptions there... We don't do routine physicals or vax either. I still believe though that our son should be able to function in society - to speak to other people, etc. I'd prefer the first time he practice these skills not be when he's sick or afraid. Independence is an ongoing process that takes steps every single day.
post #100 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roar View Post
Ah, the assumptions there... We don't do routine physicals or vax either. I still believe though that our son should be able to function in society - to speak to other people, etc. I'd prefer the first time he practice these skills not be when he's sick or afraid. Independence is an ongoing process that takes steps every single day.

Are you saying my daughter cannot function in society because she chooses not to speak to strangers?

And what assumptions?
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