When to gently butt in?

[mamasophy]

My bro and sil are expecting this fall. They will not know the gender until birth. She is a pretty smart woman and I know she'll educate herself to a point, but she sadi herself that she gets overwhelmed with info sometimes and has to be left alone. I'm pretty sure my bro is pro circ (he's 50), thinks the whole topic is gross etc. I know she can stand up to him but might give in just to shut him up. She's VERY guarded; we've only become close enough to talk about intimate stuff in the last year and I've known her for 12! So I don't want to shut her down. She's aware that I am a lactivist; when she revealed the pregnancy she joked that "now we're gonna get some propaganda!" This was not a negative comment (It's hard to tell in writing) - basically she's open to the bf info, and she's SMART, so I have no fear there. But no clue as to the circ issue - even when I threw it out there as an example of something I felt strongly about - she didn't indicate anything about it. So.... how to gently offer info without looking like I think she's incapable of thinking for herself?? I do NOT want to insult or belittle, even by accident. I respect my sil and love her. I love my bro too, but he's an idiot about some things LOL. I have time - they're due in October. Any help here?

[nd_deadhead]

How about a direct question: "What are your thoughts on circumcision, if it's a boy?"

You can quickly and easily find out what she thinks and what she knows; that's a good starting point for offering more information. If sh'e concerned about the so-called "medical benefits" you can tell her about the existing policy statements; if she's read about the HIV stuff you can discuss that; if she wants to leave it up to her DH you can address that.

Maybe she already knows she isn't going to do it, and you can save yourself some worry!

My brother can be an idiot too, and he and I don't have a great relationship, so when he and his wife were pg with their first, DH and I talked to her (he already had a circumcised son from a previous marriage). She was in favor of it, but I got the feeling she was more going along with DH. We told her how it wasn't recommended, it's cosmetic surgery, etc, and she didn't seem swayed, so I changed gears. We told her how important it is to stay with the baby, to make sure he gets adequate pain relief (and time for it to take effect); we told her about complications to watch for.

They live 2 states away, so I didn't get to talk to her again; I just hoped that she would do some research on her own and convince my brother. Luckily that baby was a girl, but the next one was a boy, and they circumcised him. We visited when the baby was 2 weeks old, and it just about broke my heart when I had to change his diaper. But at least I know that I tried.

[majormajor]

Originally Posted by nd_deadhead

How about a direct question: "What are your thoughts on circumcision, if it's a boy?"

that's how my sis brought it up to me and i wasn't offended or put off at all. but, if that feels too blunt, maybe by sharing your experience (like, saying, "i had a really hard time deciding about [induction/epidural/whatever], but at least circumcision was easy--i researched it and couldn't find any reason to do it." or something like that).

or maybe acknowledging that you kind of are butting in up front? like, saying, "i know this isn't my decision to make/i'm kind of butting in here, but i feel so strongly about circumcision that i would feel like i was letting my nephew down if i didn't share some things i've found out with you." and you can also be upfront and say you know she's a really smart woman and you don't doubt her committment to her baby, but that you also know how this information isn't out there like it should be.