Does it make you sad when you hear a mom is weaning at 1 year? or earlier? - Page 2

[thehappyhippo]

Originally Posted by Daisie125

Yes, I do feel sad. However, like the above poster I try to remind myself that baby got WAY more breastmilk than most babies in this country.

Yes, this is how I feel too.

[thehappyhippo]

It has been sad to babysit the baby that I watch. She was 4 months old when I started watching her and her mom just weaned her. She would root around at my breast (under my shirt of course) and it was really hard not to give it to her. It felt even more odd to be nursing my 2 year old while the small baby next to me was taking a bottle.

[deliarose]

I do understand the feelings. I guess it is a blessing that my nursing experience has been mostly positive.

[FiddleMama]

My post was definitely not aimed at you! It makes me sad when moms choose to wean their babies just because that's "what they're supposed to do." If your baby weaned himself, that's completely different.

Well, here's the thing. The argument could definitely be made by mothers who have breastfed for much longer that I should have stuck it out during the earlier parts of my pregnancy, kept offering the breast even though he refused it, viewed it as a nursing strike instead of CLW.

I chose to take both my child's needs and my own into consideration. I had a baby who was very happy eating table food and I was exhausted and in pain trying to nurse and make it through the difficult first trimester. Selfish? Possibly. But the right choice for us and one that I have never regretted.

My point is, you never really know what people's whole story is until you have lived it and it's painful to feel judged. Babies who have nursed for a year have gotten a lot of wonderful benefits from it (as have babies who have nursed for 3 months, 6 months, etc). I dislike this polarized mentality that breastfeeding "doesn't count" unless you are going on two, three years with it. We are all doing our best for our families.

[APCDmama]

I don't think the OP was judging anyone for her decision. I'm not judging people for their decisions, either. Weaning at 1 year old is unlikely child-led, and this IS the child-led weaning forum. I don't think that mama-led weaning is an unforgivable, awful thing, and I respect those who need to make that decision for their families. Fiddlemama, you are right that

you never really know what people's whole story is until you have lived it and it's painful to feel judged

It saddens me that our society makes it difficult for mothers to BF for extended periods of time. Many people simply don't have the knowledge or support to continue, even when their instincts tell them it is the right thing to do. That's what bothers me.

Please don't feel judged when you are not being judged. I'll wager that plenty of CLW mamas feel judged, which is why they share some of their views here and not elsewhere on the boards. I'm not even sure that I'm a "real" CLW mom, since I have imposed a few limits in order to continue nursing longer. Still, I like visiting here and posting on occasion.

IMO, the spirit of this question is not judgmental, and its intention is not to offend.

[roxyrox]

It doesn't make me sad when I hear a Mom is weaning at one year in general. Like previous posters have already said, I really do think people do what is best for their family. I may feel a little sad if they were only weaning because "everyone else does/they are supposed to". Sometimes the medical establishment give really bad advice about bf. I think one year of breastfeeding is a great acomplishment though. I would be more likely to congratulate someone for bf for a year than feel sad for them. xx

[Canadianmommax3]

I'm one of them, i thought that was what was acceptable.
I think i breastfed Jenna maybe to 13 months but than a coworker asked me what she can't drink out of a sippycup. I felt embarrassed, like i was doing something wrong. Mind you this is a lady who didn't breastfeed because her breasts are for her dh.

So i am one of them sorry it bugs you.

[momuveight2B]

Originally Posted by Canadianmommax3

I'm one of them, i thought that was what was acceptable.
I think i breastfed Jenna maybe to 13 months but than a coworker asked me what she can't drink out of a sippycup. I felt embarrassed, like i was doing something wrong. .

I think that is the spirit of the original question, that no one should feel that they have to stop breastfeeding. It would be great if our culture in general had more understanding and support to offer to all breastfeeding moms.

[RockStarMom]

Yes, it makes me very sad.

[angelachristine]

Originally Posted by momuveight2B

I think that is the spirit of the original question, that no one should feel that they have to stop breastfeeding. It would be great if our culture in general had more understanding and support to offer to all breastfeeding moms.

Originally Posted by roxyrox

I may feel a little sad if they were only weaning because "everyone else does/they are supposed to". Sometimes the medical establishment give really bad advice about bf.

I should have phrased my original question better. These two responses were what I was really trying to get at. It makes me sad that women are made to feel like they have to stop at one year or that bfing to one year or beyond just isn't normal.

[runes]

yes, it makes me sad to think that babies are being weaned at such an early age due to the mother not receiving support to continue to nurse as long as mutually desirable. it's not the fact that they're being weaned so young that bothers me so much as that this society does not honor mothers and babies. our culture is so mired in 'independence' that we push our babies to grow up so quickly. it is also dismissive of the bond, nurturing and health benefits of nursing. our children are growing to be fatter, sicker with chronic illnesses and issues with attachment and bonding. yes, a broad generalization, but i do believe this attitude towards mothers and babies is the root of a lot of society's ills.

every time my 18 month old dd latches on, i feel like i'm helping to make this world a more peaceful place.: and yes, i do wish that ALL mothers received the kind of support from society at large in order to continue nursing past the first year. a girl can dream, can't she?

[katheek77]

Disclaimer: This is going to be colored by my personal experiences...

I'm impressed if someone breastfeeds or pumps for a year. It has been a struggle for me to get this far. Hell, I applaud anyone who makes it to their goal, be it six weeks, six months or six years.

We have had to supplement from six days old (valid and necessary...no flames please...we tried EVERYTHING, and, after reading another post and seeing some photos, I suspect I may have type I tuberous breasts, but I need to research that more...just a lot of physical and breastfeeding problem coincidences). I bought a double electric pump. Well, of course, after the supplemental bottles, my daughter liked them MUCH more than Mommy's breasts (I have slow let-down, and really, why would you suck for two minutes for a little bit of milk when you could get as much as you wanted immediately). She weaned herself/rejected the breast at three months from nursing.

She's almost ten months, and I continue to pump, pumping every 3-4 hours. I get about 10-12oz a day. The MOST I ever got was 14oz, and that was pumping for 30 minutes every hour, on the hour, round the clock, which, I'm sorry, is NOT feasible for me for more than a couple of days of insanity.

At one year, I WILL cut down to twice a day, and then reassess my goal. The "stress" (not exactly, but I guess that's a close enough approximation) of ALWAYS, at a certain time, having to be home or have the pump with me, making sure I have batteries (if I'm in the car), etc. wears on me. Maybe I'm selfish; fine. I have had the choice from day one to go completely to formula which may have been more convenient, which may have been easier. I could have starved my child to fulfill my need to be "the perfect mother" (it was actually my very crunchy, pre-schooler-breastfeeding best friend who brought me to my senses on this one), which, obviously, I wouldn't do. But, in the end, I made the choice to try for six weeks. And when I got there, I went for three months, and she weaned, so, it was exclusively pumping then...then six months (the new year...very convenient)...then nine...now I'm shooting for twelve. But, to be honest, I'm very worn out on the whole pumping thing. And, according to kellymom.com, only 17.2 percent of babies are getting ANY breastmilk at twelve months...so, I'm okay with scoring an "83%" or whatever on this issue.

I don't think it's good to SUDDENLY stop and just tell the baby, no more!, ...but, if a mother wants to implement gradual weaning, even if parent led (it's supposed to be MUTUALLY desired), I'm not going to villify her for her choice. I don't have a problem with people breastfeeding when their child's a pre-school, I don't have a problem with people decidingto stop if they feel it's time. There are many ways to nurture you child, and breastfeeding is only one of them.

[ulla]

No, I don't feel sad at all. Each mother decides what is right for her and her baby based on her own unique situation. I think that since its none of my business, anyway, it's also not productive for me to dwell on how other people arrive at their decisions.

[ShadowMom]

It does make me sad to hear moms talk about breastfeeding myths as if they're true... you're just "supposed" to wean at a certain age, so they do... stuff like that.

I think most women wean early not because they are making an informed decision (that wouldn't really bother me as much) but because they don't even realize that they have a choice - and that they SHOULD have a choice. It's like our society has made the decision for them, and with such poor information.

It also makes me realize what a huge gulf that is between me and normal people. I mean, I'm still nursing a 3 year old! What a freak I am in our culture.

[coolbabymama]

This is the type of post that makes me feel judged from all sides. My son is going to be a year old in two weeks, and I am trying desperately to cut back on some of his feedings. Most people are amazed that I've breastfed this long, but I come to this site (or La Leche's) and I'm made to feel like I'm selfish for wanting to wean after ONLY one year. As such, I find very little guidance and support. Most conventional books/websites only deal with weaning to a bottle at 3 or 6 months, and here it's more like 3 years. Sorry, but I do not wish to do either and it has nothing to do with what society says I'm supposed to do. I'm going to hazard a guess and say that most women who breastfeed for an ENTIRE year are hardly going to be swayed by public opinion on the subject. Personally, I think it's just as important to be able to read and interact with my child, and I can't do that when I'm burned out and physically exhausted. My son is very demanding, 24 hours a day. I am beyond tired, in pain (back and tailbone from feeding at night in bed) and have not had a break aside from the odd haircut or dentist appointment for an entire year, as he would never take a bottle of my milk (of course, I'm sure I'll get flamed for wanting to give him a bottle too). I had mastitis, lipase issues, sore and cracked nipples, the list goes on. But here I am defending myself when I really shouldn't have to. Perhaps I'm feeling a bit sensitive because I haven't slept in about a year and a half!

[Liliana]

I don't think the original question was about judging people's decisions. I think it's about knowing that some moms are pushed into weaning before they or their kid is ready. It's also just having an emotional response to people doing things differently. The early parts of breastfeeding are hardest. Many moms and kids never get to the easy parts (for many different reasons). I see that they will miss out on the joys of nursing a talking child. I'm sure some people see me lugging a diaper bag, baby in sling, trying to carry my 4 year old to the car and think "wow she's missing out. she really needs a good double stroller". We all feel bad for people who don't have the experiences that make mothering easy for us, but those things might not make mothering easy for others. (I hate strollers, and so do my babies.)

[steph76]

What is sad is that so few people realize that it is OK to nurse past a year.

I know people who really wanted to continue but due to family/society pressures quit on the first b'day.

To be honest that would be me had I not found out more info. online.

[sunanthem]

Nope I'm not sad. I cut my first one off at 14 months, my second, whom I had to supplement with from 2 weeks, I cut off at a year. It is very draining and tiring for me breastfeeding so long, especially with a 2 and a half year old to chase after at the same time. I just didnt want to do it anymore. And when mama's done, she's DONE.

I do feel a little bad though for moms who dont even try to breast feed at all because their moms and doctors tell them not to.

[crystaldawn]

I do feel sad when babies are weaned at a year. They're still babies at one. I am also sad when I hear people say things like "I'm only nursing til the baby gets teeth" or "until I go back to work" I'm not saying that I judge a person because of it but it does make me appreciate the support I got breastfeeding. My dd self weaned at 15 mos and that made me sad. So, maybe I just remember how I felt and it's not so much about the other person at all

As a note about our pediatrician at my dd's 12 mo appt I said I was still nursing and told her that we had tried to cut back on nursing thinking that's what she wanted me to be doing... and she said that she nursed her youngest until she was 2.5!! I have to say that I was truely impressed with this career woman with 5 kids still nursing well into the toddler years. I often use her as an example when I hear people talk about weaning...

[_betsy_]

While I'm happy the babies received the benefits of BFing for any length of time, it does make me sad - for BOTH mama and baby - when I hear a mother say "She self-weened at 8 months (or 9 or 10 or whatever), and I was so sad to lose that special time with her."

Makes me wonder if it was a nursing strike, and if both baby and mama would have been happier if they had tried to make it work a bit longer.

When a mother says they are sad about losing that relationship, then I am sad for both her and the baby.