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Your parents reactions to not circ'ing? - Page 2

post #21 of 120
Luckily, my parents were hippies and believed in everything being 'natural'...my Mom is almost 58 and is still a hippie at heart, a very carefree spirit, ie. doesn't shave, grows natural foods and makes her own breadl. My late father was born and left intact by his parents and when both my sister and I became pregnant, it was a subject never brought up, and both of our sons are as nature intended. Jacob's father is British and he is intact as well as all of the males in his family. He knows why he has a foreskin and what its purpose is and he has yet to grow tired of displaying it. I can only hope I can change this before he starts to school in the fall
post #22 of 120
Anyone else kind of feel like it's really no one's business but the child's? I mean, it seems kind of weird that people ask such personal questions about someone's crotch (even though the person is an infant or infant-to-be). Honestly, if I had a weird mole or birthmark or something on my crotch that I was born with I wouldn't really want anyone talking about it with my parents, so it's even weirder that something that is a COMPLETELY NORMAL part of the anatomy is discussed about what to "do" with it. I mean, it's as if our parents were asking us if we were going to have the child's belly button removed after it heals up so that there is no mark there, or have implants put in our 10 year old daughters so that they looked "nicer" and filled out their blouses better. Or maybe have our children's nostrils removed so that it was easier to clean. We live in a weird society, that's what I think. How often do you think genetals are discussed with family members before the child is born in other countries where circ-ing is not the norm?
post #23 of 120
My mom wasnt happy at all about it but that is because of the issues she had with my older brother who I have mentioned a few times here. He was circed at 3 for no reason at all really, a infection that abx cured but Dr. talked her into circing anyway.

My father I have no idea since we dont talk about personal stuff like that :

My mil no idea never discussed it. Fil gave me a really hard time about it with the stories about so and so being circed at 75 BS. : Just want I wanted to talk about with my fil : 3 days after my son was born and him having to drive me in for the blood test because ds was jaundiced.
post #24 of 120
I actually talked to my mom about circ before I was even pg. I was doing newborn hearing screenings in a hospital as part of my graduate work and saw a boy being prepared for his circ. Up until that moment the actual details of circ hadn't even occurred to me, it was just something I had assumed was a fact of life and never questioned. I didn't see the baby getting circed but just the prep (left naked and strapped down to a board with a baby-shaped dent in it for a LONG time, waiting for a doc who wasn't even in the nursery to get there) seemed traumatic. Shortly afterward I was lurking on TTC boards and noticed a circ forum and wondered what was so important about it that there was a whole forum dedicated to it. Around the same time, I talked about it with my mom about my nursery experience, told her how horrible it seemed for the baby, and asked WHY it's necessary. I still assumed it was necessary.

My mom shocked me. She said "it's not medically necessary. It's totally unnecessary cosmetic surgery." She went on to tell me that she had my brothers circ'ed because the wisdom of the day was that boys should look like their daddies, but that she thinks that argument is STUPID. My third brother had an infection after his circ and she says that if she had had any more sons, they would not have been circed and she wouldn't care at all about them "matching" their brothers.

I was floored. What if I had never asked her about it? I would have blindly gone ahead and done it.

So anyway, my mom is 100% behind our breaking the chain of mutilation. My dad hasn't registered an opinion but I suspect he feels the same way. My oldest brother is fully anti-circ now and he and his wife have one child, a boy, who is intact. My other siblings are now aware of our sons' status and our objections to circ and I hope that we've planted seeds there.

DH's parents were unquestioningly pro-circ when we were pg with DS1. I don't remember how circ came up but DH told them we wouldn't do it and they seemed to think it was really wierd. Blah blah, it's medically necessary, blah blah, but YOU are circ'ed. FIL insisted that it would just have to be done when the boys are older. I'm not sure where they stand now - we provided education, they backed off, it hasn't been discussed since.
post #25 of 120
My parents lived on a different continent, so we did not see much of them, but we were there for a couple of weeks when DS was one, and again at 3. I have pictures of him in their back yard running around naked. Some years later I was there by myself and asked my Mum why my brothers and I had been circumcised. She asked if DS was. It must not have been on her radar screen. There was no comment when I said "no".
MIL had no comment either, but then her first 2 boys were intact, and the next 3 circumcised.
Often it does seem to be a subject about which people have very strong views, and that probably explains their curiosity about what kind of "decision" others have made.
post #26 of 120
My mom and dad were a bit upset when it came up in a conversation and i heard the "But he won't look like you" argument. I very politely told me that it would be impossible for him to look like me, even if he was circed, because my piercer won't do that to a kid his age. They turned 97 shades of pink and red and I haven't heard a thing about it since.
post #27 of 120
My folks and my ILs are all for intactness. My mom is the only one born in the US and she has never been one for interventionist medicine. She went on and on while I was preggers that they might try to just do it in the hospital without my concent. MIL has never trusted "english" (as in englishg speaking) doctors again after DH was circ'd.

Quote:
Originally Posted by trmpetplaya View Post
When my mom had her three c-sections she didn't even know it was an option to try for a vaginal birth after having one. I took my mom to a LLL meeting while we were visiting my parents and we met a lady who had a home VBAC with twins. My mom had never heard of such a thing! It was very easy to lead from - "people used to think 'once a c-section always a c-section' but now they know that isn't always the case"
In your mom's day (depending on when that was) it might have been true. They used to do c-sections with a verticle cut that left the womb very weak now they usually do a horizontal cut which does much less damage.
post #28 of 120
My parents were indifferent. I know that when my brother was born, they kept him intact because my step-mother's OB told her that circumcision was un-necessary. They've never said anything negative about it.

I expected that my in-laws would be supportive, because my husband is intact. Shockingly, my MIL was ANGRY at us!! I can remember her telling us that we needed to hurry up and have our son circumcised before it was "too late", and that she regretted not circumcising her son, because he ended up with an infection as a baby. I asked her if she could remember retracting him as an infant, and she said "Of course! I had to clean him!" So I explained to her how the intact penis works, and that it shouldn't be retracted, because it can cause damage and infection. And then DH told her that he was very glad that she had left him intact, and to stop harping on us about it. She finally let it go.
post #29 of 120
Great topic.
My Mom freaked. My parents were in the recovery room with me right after DS was born and my mom casually asked when he would be circumcised. When I said we weren't doing that, she went off on the hygienic benefits and social norms, and ended by nearly crying, and saying "I'm having a breakdown." I had just been through a traumatic birth and didn't want to defend my parenting already, so I said something about learning how to care for yourself as you get older and we left it at that. My dad stayed out of it, as he usually does. In the days afterward, my mom asked if I was sure what I was doing. Like anyone who doesn't want to show how overwhelmed she is, I said of course, and she went home and we went on with our lives. Neither parent has mentioned it since, but I've become a whole lot more educated since then and I'm actually itching for a chance to get into it again with her.

From my in-laws, we got what amounts to an apology that they had DH circed. MIL said that's what was done, they regretted circing DH's older brother but thought they should match. I got into the conversation with her again just last Christmas and gave her to know that I don't care that DH "matches" his brother, I still thought it was the wrong choice and they should have gone with their gut instinct. I don't think that topic will come up again between us.
post #30 of 120
I was raised an intactivist. My mom comes from a culture that does not circ. My dad, however, is American and believes in circ. Once he tried to say something smartass about me not circ'ing and after my response he never brought it up again.

My in-laws never said a word about it. They simply accepted that fact that we do not circ.
post #31 of 120
I am told that had I been born a boy, I would have been left intact, so I imagine that my parents would be thrilled to learn that our son (if we have one) has been left intact.

My IL's didn't circ, so I think they would expect our children to look like their father.
post #32 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by eepster View Post
In your mom's day (depending on when that was) it might have been true. They used to do c-sections with a verticle cut that left the womb very weak now they usually do a horizontal cut which does much less damage.
It was the early-mid 90's. I have young younger siblings. The two youngest are still in middle school and they're the ones who were born by c-sec (them and the brother right before them who didn't make it... The brother after me and myself were born vaginally). I'm almost positive my mom had a horizontal cut, but regardless - she never knew that you could even attempt a VBAC no matter what type of incision there was until I started reading up on it.

She totally got the comparison (I knew she would if I presented it correctly) and is on board! I don't know that she'll talk to my siblings about circumcision or not, but I will be talking to them about it eventually... hopefully I'll have a son within the next few years before they even think about having children. That way I can SHOW them and not just tell them that foreskins really aren't a problem waiting to happen or difficult to take care of or any of that nonsense It'd also be nice to be able to speak from experience without having to drag poor dh's penis into the conversation...

love and peace.
post #33 of 120
My MIL was ecstatic. She was devastated her daughter had her first grandson circumcized. (DH is NOT circumcized.) FIL stayed out of it.

My parents said, "Oh," and changed the subject. I think they were embarassed that we even brought up ds's penis.
post #34 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piercedboy View Post
My mom and dad were a bit upset when it came up in a conversation and i heard the "But he won't look like you" argument. I very politely told me that it would be impossible for him to look like me, even if he was circed, because my piercer won't do that to a kid his age. They turned 97 shades of pink and red and I haven't heard a thing about it since.
post #35 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juvysen View Post
How often do you think genetals are discussed with family members before the child is born in other countries where circ-ing is not the norm?
Never.
post #36 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piercedboy View Post
My mom and dad were a bit upset when it came up in a conversation and i heard the "But he won't look like you" argument. I very politely told me that it would be impossible for him to look like me, even if he was circed, because my piercer won't do that to a kid his age. They turned 97 shades of pink and red and I haven't heard a thing about it since.
BWHAHAHA! That's awesome.
post #37 of 120
MIL said that, after her ped told her it was unnecessary (long after DH was born) that if she had it to do over, she would NOT have gotten it done... HOWEVER, she still believed that it was the HUSBAND's choice (religious head of the household yada yada), and if DH wanted it done, it SHOULD be done. Of course, I disagreed, and finally won. FIL is intact (stepFIL, but more in DSs life than real FIL) but thought it should be done, as he is older and it was just "done" when he was having kids, and he believed all that health-stuff!!

My dad, I don't think even knows. When I mentioned it to my mom, as she was changing diapers ("I've never changed a boy's diaper before!") she did say that well duh, who does that? (She didn't move to the US until she was in her 20s, we're from Germany). =D
post #38 of 120
My ILs were not happy but since all of their grandsons are intact I think they have realized there's nothing they can do.

My Mom doesn't care one way or another and my Dad was happy we left him intact. I have no idea whether my Dad is intact but he told me they left my little brother's penis "the way God made it."
post #39 of 120
My parents are very supportive. I don't know my dad's circ status(and frankly, don't want to know ha ha) but they both told me they wouldn't have circ'd me if I was a boy, my parents consider it genital mutalation.

I don't know my inlaws opinion, and don't really care. They are way more mainstream than my parents( formula fed etc) and my partner is circ'd so they probably think its wierd, but I don't really care. The more I learn about circ the happier I am that my son is intact!!!
post #40 of 120
My mom begged me with tears in her eyes not to circumcise DS and was so relieved when I told her we would never do that. I don't have any brothers so I'm a little surprised she was concerned about it. I'm really glad she is against circumcising though!

My father hasn't said anything and I'm not totally sure he knows that DS is intact.

My MIL has never brought it and has never changed DS's diaper so she doesn't know, but probably assumes he is.
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