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Your parents reactions to not circ'ing? - Page 5

post #81 of 120
Nobody, NOBODY on either side of the family ever asked or commented about it.

I'm pretty sure it was just assumed we wouldn't circ any sons we might have (got 3). My dad, who was born in Canada and is a baby boomer wasn't circ'd and my parents didn't get my only brother circ'd.

My husband immigrated from Europe when he was a child. It's not practiced there (now, nor in his childhood) so I'm pretty darn sure that beyond him, his many brothers and his father are all intact.

While the family is pretty laid back (both sides) re: "you parent as you feel is best", I think circumcision would have crossed the line and had all kinds of relatives hopping all over us to challenge why we might want to hack off part of our baby!
post #82 of 120
For me it was my mom who told us Not to circumcise I was young when I was pregnant with my first child and it never dawned on my not to circumcise why wouldn't I??

She told me how horrible it was and what happened and I was shocked and sick to my stomach. My husband and I did some research and we knew then that we would never ever put our child through that kind of torture and mutilation.


Of course my dad on the other hand gave us the whole speech about disease cleanliness blah blah blah I then told him that he had his facts wrong and it was my kid .....
post #83 of 120
My mother thought it was wonderful. She said "We were so stupid in the old days!" She circ'd my poor brother-- he is over 40. She was so young and believed 'them'. Now she says, "I don't see the point in changing a baby's body, I wish I could go back in time". My Dh's family is from a European culture that does not circ, so it's not something my inlaws ever thought to consider, or even ask us about.
post #84 of 120
My mom is happy, as my brother is intact
and the issue has never came up with my mother in law
(she is crack addict, why would she care?)
My father and DH's father are dead
My grandpa thinks its neat - his boys are intact
I don't talk to any other grandparents except him on either side enough to bring up his penis
post #85 of 120
My parents were fully supportive of us not circing. Of course my parents did not tell me anything till after my first was circ'd due to my ex's insistence. I found out AFTER he was done that my mother hated that he was done...she really hated my ex for pushing me to let it happen. I found out no one in my dad's side was circ'd... all are intact including my own brother.

I did not allow my other sons to be done... all are intact! :-) Sure wish I had had my parents info BEFORE my first son was born...I am sure it would have prevented his circ...I just did not have enough support.
post #86 of 120
I usually don't visit this forum too often but some comments from my FIL made me come here today for ammunition.

I never brought up the topic with any grandparents since they all live far away and have never yet needed to change ds diaper or bathe him, etc. He's 15 months btw.

When he was first born, my mom made a comment on the phone about whether i'd be able to cloth diaper in the beginning (that was weird to her too) because his circ would need to heal. When I said he was not circ-d she kind of said "What? " as if she didn't know that was an option. : My own parents know better than to argue though. I just told them I had done a lot of research and that it was not very common anymore.

Well it never came up with my in-laws until FIL visited a couple weeks ago. After he left dh mentioned how jerky his dad was about ds not being circ'd. Apparently FIL thought it was "weird" and even weirder that dh left the decision up to me! dh said he kept bringing it up-- as if dh was letting me have too much control over him because I didn't want my baby boy cut! Oh they are so lucky I didn't hear about this til FIL was back on the plane home. btw FIL is an MD. dh told me "You know, he's a psychiatrist. He's trained as a Freudian. It's all about the penis." To which I replied "So tell me the Freudian implications of forcibly cutting the penis of an hours-old baby and then putting him to his mother's breast!"

yes I'm still hopping mad about this but obviously FIL did not want to discuss it with me so I just have to vent at MDC. :
post #87 of 120
ugh. my inlaws are jewish, and though they didn't say anything to me, they did to my dh. they are/were not happy about it. i can't even tell you how much i want one of them to say something to! it really gets my blood boiling that they even think they have a right to be upset about NOT CUTTING BABIES!! :

ok, i needed to get that out. thanks. it eats at me.

my mom hasn't said a word about it. she thinks everything i do is wonderful!
post #88 of 120
Well... my Mom's first reaction to me was to tell me her best friend said I should get it done because as an elderly man he'd have lots of infections (my Mom and her friend are both nurses FWIW). I kind of looked at her like it was the dumbest thing I've ever heard and said that I definitely was not getting it done just because it supposedly made a PSW job easier if he should ever be bedbound and need complete care. :

Then we talked about it on a more personal level about a month or two ago and she said she really regretted having my brother (her only boy she birthed, the other one is her stepson (my half brother)) circed. She said my Dad pressured her into it and she wishes he hadn't.

My Dad has never seen Tobias naked and never will... I would never ever ever trust my father to babysit so it won't ever be an issue with the two of us, and since he's done procreating and doesn't see (and therefore can't influence in a bad way) either of my brothers I don't care what my Dad thinks about circ, it's not worth my time educating him.
post #89 of 120
When I was pg I told my mom that if it was a boy I wasn't going to circ. She said "but it's so much cleaner" I told her my partner was intact and it wasn't a problem. She dropped it. Ended up having a girl so it was a moot point. I'm sure if dh and I had a son it wouldn't even come up, it's been alot of years since I had dd and she doesn't get involved in my parenting decisions anymore.
post #90 of 120
Originally Posted by peachpie View Post
btw FIL is an MD. dh told me "You know, he's a psychiatrist. He's trained as a Freudian. It's all about the penis." To which I replied "So tell the Freudian implications of forcibly cutting the penis of an hours-old baby and then putting him to his mother's breast!"
Save that for his next visit!!!
post #91 of 120
Well, we don't have any boys, but if we do my parents would be horrified if we circ'd, parents are European and just don't understand why you would do that.
Don't know what the in laws would say they had DH circ'd, but they are conventional and don't really think stuff through, just do what the doc tells
them .

Interestingly, my cousin, who is Belgian, like me, married an American, they live in London, England, and his family said that they would not want to see their grandson if he was not circ'd. Then her DH threatened to leave if she did not have it done prior to their returning to the US for ds baptism. My cousin was traumatized, but did it anyway....her DH is such a UA violation, : in so many ways. I would have said "there's the door...." Anyway, my aunt was so shocked, she can't stand her in laws now, and calls the US the land of the circ'd.....I have told her that there are those who are against it.
post #92 of 120
Hi, graceshappymum, from London, Ontario. Maybe you'll see me going around with my intactivist shirt (front: "It's a foreskin! Not a birth defect... back: End genital mutilation") and know you're seeing another intactivist/MDC fan.
post #93 of 120
Originally Posted by octobersweethearts View Post
I think they thought it was just more of my more "crunchy" lifestyle, I guess. You know, the wooden toys, the organic food, etc.
I think this is my il's thoughts on a lot of things, and they just see no reason to bring it up, ya know? Like I breastfed dd till she was 4, I made homemade baby food, cloth diapers...whatever... Anyway, they just expect that type of thing out of us and could care less as long as the kids are happy and healthy.
post #94 of 120
My in-laws would never expect us to circ. DH and FIL are not circed. Neither is any male on their side of the family. Where they come from, only Jews and Muslims get circed.

When I was in the car with my father and sister, I was talking with my sister who knew we are anti-circ. My father wasn't really paying attention. My sis asked me what my HB MW's back-up hospital was, and when I told her she said to be careful because they do circs routinely, often without asking first because it is assumed. They are a religious hospital. My father got kinda confused about what we were talking about. I am not sure where his confusion was, because he was only half listening and we may not have said much straight out because sis and I both had talked before and already knew what we are talking about. So, he said something like "can't you just tell them you want him circed?" and my sis said "no, she wants him NOT to be circed." He just said "oh" kinda neutrally -- more like acknowledging that he understood, and less like a judgment of any kind.

At another time, I was in the car with him and DH, and he told DH about when he was younger and he had a friend from Europe who was not circed. A bunch of them guys went to a museum and saw a classical statue that was naked. The guy from Europe pointed to the intact penis on the statue and said proudly "I have a classical penis." The other guys laughed.

He seems ok with it. We did have a discussion about the HIV study, and he seemed to believe me that the study was BS. I have also mentioned to other people in his presence that studies show no real health benefit, and that there is a high rate of horrible complications from it.

My mom just asked me one day if I planned to, and I said no, and that was that.
post #95 of 120
Mom is quite concerned that we don't plan to circumcise boy #3, since boys #1 and #2 are circumcised. She's asked me all the typical questions, and while she's doesn't think it's the right choice, she remembers how horrible it was to clean the boys' after their circs, and she's given me a chance to practice my speech about WHY we're not doing so this time. I'm sure my mil won't be as laid back, but IT'S NOT HER BABY. So I'm not at all concerned about it.
post #96 of 120
my dad actualy said that i was condemning my son to a lifetime of 'ridicule and disease'. my brothers, and sister in law agreed. that ended the discussion. we no longer discuss our son's genitals with anyone in the family and that is that.
post #97 of 120
Well, we never felt the need to come out and tell them, but they all asked about it. (except FIL) Why they were so interested in the status of DS's penis, I'll never know. :

My mother said, "It's your decision, do what you feel is best."

My father said, "I think you are making a big mistake. Please, this is from a man's prospective, trust me. He'll be angry at you when he's older for not doing it."

My MIL just acted shocked, but didn't say anything negative about DS being intact.

My FIL hasn't asked about it at all. (MIL and FIL are divorced)

My dad's mom said, "When are you getting x circumcised?"
Me: "We're not. We don't believe in circumcision. It's not necessary and it's damaging to his body."
Her (all huffy): "Well, there are some decisions that parents just have to make for their children."
Me: "Yes, I agree, but this for sure is not one of them."
post #98 of 120
post #99 of 120

My kid...my choice

We didn't share our decision not to circ until after our son was born. Both sets of parents just assumed we would do it, and both asked about it while we were in the hospital, in an off-hand way like "did you get the circ done yet" or something like that. I just calmly replied "we aren't doing that." My mom asked why not, and I just asked "why did you?" And she didn't really have a good answer for me, and that ended that discussion.

Here and there over the last two years since my first son was born I've shared a bit more about why we chose not to, but it hasn't been a big deal until recently. My second son was semi-retracted by a nurse during a catheterization for a medical test and I was infuriated and told everyone in the family about it, and gave me an opportunity to be a bit of an activist about it. Now everyone knows my stance, and I look for opportunities to share it with other relatives, especially when/if I find out they're pregnant with a boy.

: Mama to: Ian (3/17/05) Connor (3/3/07)
post #100 of 120
double send and I can't figure out how to delete...sorry.
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