Having others at the birth... - Page 2

[goodwin]

the other night i had my sister ask me if she could be present at the birth. now my sis and i have had a rocky few years and are only getting to know each other again in the last year and i still feel stressed about the relationship, so when she asked this i was totally unprepared. at the time i said ok, because i didn't know how to say no without being hurtful. afterwards i was so stressed about it and didn't know what to do. as it turned out she felt bad about springing it on me like that and realized it is a vulnerable time etc and we talked and i said if she wanted to be at the hospital in the waiting room then great, and that i would see how i felt throughout the experience..

if i had to bring it up with her and tell her no definitively then it would have been hard, but i think there are some good remarks made by PP's. talking about what you need for the least stressful birth and a need for privacy to some degree etc is not unreasonable or hurtful. then it isn't about the person so much as your need during a trying time.

[todavia]

i am planning to have the midwife, doula, dp, ds and my stepmother here for the birth.

i am very close with her but was intitially a little hesitant about her being there because she can be a pretty anxious person sometimes. what she said that really put me at ease was "i'd really like to be there for you in whatever way you need. i can be with you, i can be with keon. we can stay or i can take him out. i can be in the other room. i can wait at starbucks (on the corner). i can be there in the beginning and then leave if you want me to. it's your birth and i just want to be able to support you in any way if you need or want me to".

now i'm feeling really happy that she'll be there because dp is not so *into* the whole birth thing and i feel like having one more person on hand will allow us all (me, dp & ds) to do what we feel most comfortable with. i love my doula but i also can imagine wanting to have someone who knows me more intimately with me at that time. i've never labored before so i really have no idea what i'll want or not want.

i think it's kind of crazy for people to expect to be invited/included in your birth. it is a very private thing and you should definitely trust your instincts and not feel guilty or pressured about it. i totally understand that you feel undermined my your dp putting it on you re your mil but at the same time - own it! ultimately, it's not about what he feels comfortable with or who he wants to have there. this is your birth. you are going to be naked and vulnerable and pushing and all that.
tell dp that if he agrees to hang out nude all day (maybe with the flu or something) while your mom and others come over to observe him, you'll consider it. of course i'm joking but making the point that in no other situation would anyone be put upon to have an audience that they didn't want. hth.

[pixiesmommy]

I'm not sure if I have anything to say that will be helpful, but I did tell my DH that I might even ask HIM to leave the room until the baby is crowning. I don't want to have to worry about how anyone is feeling except ME!

'Manda

[willoLevin]

Maybe one way to help ease family pressures is to be sure to tell special family members that they will be on the very short list of the first people informed after the birth who get to come see the baby?

While I wouldn't want my mom with my while I'm pushing, I think she is the first person (aside from DH and DS) that I want to come in about an hour later.

--willo