Alright, so you're saying that the bone of contention here is the term "mainstream". Right?
Originally Posted by Thao
As for AP, at its core it simply means to create a loving attached relationship with your children; my mom didn't do any of the AP "rules" but she loved me and spent time with me and created opportunities for me and we are close because of that. So it's doing a disservice to AP to reduce it to a list of behaviors that one does or doesn't do.
This quote seems to exemplify the idea that you're putting across, right?
The issue is that you're making a false dichotomy that sort of supercedes the one you're talking about. It's not either a checklist or a parenting free-for-all. There are gradiations of parenting choices that we can say are optimal and others that are not. AP is not just a mystical, undefined "spirit" of parenting - a vague intention - nor is it a rigid checklist. And to cast it as such is this larger false dichotome.
We can talk about these things with a common understanding that some parenting choices meet children's needs and others don't. There are qualifiable aspects to parenting that are superior in terms of healthy outcome for a child. BFing is one. (That takes on many shapes and forms, like in my case EPing.) GD is another aspect that, at least on this board, is not debatable as a superior choice to shaming, smacking, or punative measures. On MDC, we don't take the stance that circ has no effect on babies, and therefore AP - we simply don't discuss religious circ. It's not the same as saying "It doesn't matter." I've also seen many times on the Nighttime Forum where people are supported for having a baby who prefers solitary sleep. The point is it's meeting the needs of the child and not ignoring them.
If your mom spanked, left you alone, and whatever else, you may have overcome the lack of needs-meeting in those areas, and put it into a perspective that she really did her best. You may be close with her now. But that is not the same as AP. And that being the case doesn't mean then that AP is a "checklist".
Distilling these things down to a "checklist" doesn't serve the cause anymore than what you're miffed about the OP doing. She used a shorthand way of communicating apoint. So are you. It's not a checklist. The biggest difference I see, is that she truncated a valid concept backed with vast knowledge that supports attachment practices as the superior choices. And she did it in a way that communicated exactly what she meant to others who are feeling her pain.
This really gets to the idea that those who are up in arms about the way she chose to convey the concept of "sup-optimal parenting choices" as mainstream, are feeling something like guilt. What are we debating here? That optimal parenting choices are mainstream? Heartmama posted links addressing that. Seems an absurd thing to get offended over. Are we debating the idea that everyone gets to do what they want with their kids without "judgement"? This is what was expressed back on page 1. Very different than how things are being framed on pages 5-6... Feeling those goalposts changing around...