shower gift for mom who thinks bf is "disgusting"

[Gracefulmom]

I've been invited to a baby shower, and am wondering if I should give my planned gift of a breastfeeding basket (Sears breastfeeding book, Lansinoh, water bottle, etc.).

I was just told by someone else that she isn't planning to even try breastfeeding because, "That's disgusting". I hate, hate, hate that attitude... and my judgment is mostly aimed at a society that allows women to think that way, not at her for thinking it.

So I'm wondering if I should just pretend I wasn't told, and give the basket... or find another gift. Normally, I would just give it... but she's a member of our church (where my husband is the pastor)... so I don't want to offend and make his job harder.

The lactivist in me says 'yes'... the pastor's wife says 'no'...
What do you think?

*I suppose the "Jesus was breastfed" onesie is out of the question.

[kathteach]

I wouldn't. Not because she's a member of your church, just because I'd hate for you to spend the money on something that would just go to waste.

[sunnymw]

You could opt to go in between...

ie, not go totally lactivist, but still not offend...

Like... breast pads instead of lanisoh, since she'll still leak
and The Baby Book (from Sears) instead of the BF book, which still has a section on bf and ebf in it, and AP philosophy... that way, if you can't win her over BF wise, maybe some other AP stuff will sink in...

Maybe a cheaper lower-end pump? You could say it's to help with "engoregement", or if she's really disgusted about the boob on baby thing, she might consider pumping... who knows?

Just some ideas... good luck...

[blsilva]

I agree with the pp. As much as I would want to give it to her anyway, it would probably be a waste of money and effort for you, and I don't know that I would spend that if I knew that it would likely end up in the trash.

[stik]

How well do you know this mom? Have you been invited to the shower as a personal friend or as the pastor's wife? Is the person who told you she's not planning to breastfeed more or less informed about her preferences and prejudices than you are?

If you truly believe she's not going to bf anyway, I'd save the basket for someone who will appreciate it. How about a cute footed sleeper in yellow or green?

[TigerTail]

Dramamine and an blanket for her head.

[G8P4]

How about something that is more on the lines of attachment parenting friendly? If you think she is not going to breastfeed, it might be all the more important for this baby....you could even mention that, you know, " I know you don't plan on breastfeeding so you might find you have to work all that much harder to attach to this baby without the benefit of breastfeeding hormones." How about a subscription to Mothering mag, for example! Just to introduce some philosophies that are at least compatable with breastfeeding.

[Gracefulmom]

I've definitely been invited because I'm the pastor's wife... we're friendly and I like her, but we don't know each other well at all.

I like the "in-between" idea. I'll probably decide on a Sears book... or maybe knit some bibs or a sweater.

Dramamine? I'll need it for myself at this shower, I think!

Maybe I'll just spend the breasfeeding advocacy money on a pro-breastfeeding shirt for my daughter. She'll be at the shower with me... she'll be 4 1/2 months old... much too young for a nursling to be away from her mama!

[~Megan~]

I would just talk to her, mom to mom. Find out what her issues are and try to help her through them.

[julie128]

What sunnymw said. All of it.

The chapter on bottle feeding begins with a tirade against formula. Maybe she'll skip right to that.

[MiamiMami]

The in between idea is good.

And make sure you include a card with your # and specific instructions to call you with any questions she has regarding bf-ing.

[hellyaellen]

i say go ahaead and play dumb and slip in a breastfeeding book. maybe get some more general ap books to so you don't seem "pushy"...

[Ravin]

I'd probably give her the Dr. Sears Baby Book and a sling or asian-style baby carrier.

[Momtwice]

Are you 100 percent sure the person who said she's not bf-ing is telling the truth?

[Equuskia]

I would definitely ask first before assuming that the person thinks bfing is "disgusting". There are people that like to thrust their personal views on other people, whether they are true or not.

[polishprinsezz]

gift

you could go to your local thrift store and get a couple of books on bfing. give it to her privetely.tell her you didnt know if she planned on nursing but you thought these books might be helpful. if she doesnt accept the books at least you didnt spend too much on the books. you could still bring a separete gift to the shower.

[sogriffin]

I agree with the pps. Dr Sears' Baby Book is an excellent idea

[lesley&grace]

I'd go with the Dr Sears baby book, since if she is definitely not going to bf she'll get more use out of the rest of that book. And maybe some really nice breastpads.

You could also steal a private moment with her to let her know that if she has any questions about the early days with baby and nursing (this is where you can play dumb ) then you are available as a resource. Let her know you have access to other resources and would love to help in any way you can. Especially if this is her first baby.

For me personally, I have found that people who are dead set against nursing usually do not change their minds once the baby is born. When I was pg with dd I was working with two other pg women and both of them thought I was a total freak for even considering breastfeeding. My response was "well, I want what is best for my child, so ifthat means setting aside my own comfort, then that's what it means." And I told them that they should at least try to bf before they condemn it completely. Neither one did. If someone is genuinely close-minded to it then no amount of encouragement is going to help.

BUT if someone is just not sure how they will feel about it, but is willing to try it to see how it will go, they are usually more receptive to literature and help from experienced moms. This is where the private conversation would come in handy with this mom, you should find out exactly where she stands and then offer help accordingly.

[Nazsmum]

Can you speak with her about B/f. That would be a lactivist and pastor thing to do. Let her know that you are there to help with the baby and if she would like to try b/f you are more then willing to help.

PS Is there really a oneies with "Jesus was B/f"? I love it!!!!!!

[Nodtveidt]

Originally Posted by ~Megan~

I would just talk to her, mom to mom. Find out what her issues are and try to help her through them.

This is what I'd do if I were in this situation.