shower gift for mom who thinks bf is "disgusting" - Page 2

[shelbean91]

I would go with an inbetween gift. How many times do we say we're set on breastfeeding and register for breast pads, pumps, lansinoh, etc., and end up with bottles and cans of formula? I think there can be a gift which will respect her choice, while getting the idea of bf out there.

[Mama Poot]

Hmm...I like the "Jesus was breastfed" onesie idea. I mean honestly, she can't really be that ignorant about history and about the basic function of her own body.Maybe a little note pinned to it telling her how its "disgusting" that this child isn't even born yet and she's already decided not to put his/her health before her own misguided ideas about caring for and nurturing a baby. Disgusting indeed.

Don't go overboard. I think some reading material would honestly make the best gift. Get her the Sears breastfeeding book. She needs an education.

[MyBoysBlue]

My Mom is a pastor's wife and I can so see her going and visiting a new Mom to be, at her home, before the baby is born and discussing parenting in all aspects. I think maybe a home visit with one of Dr. Sears' book would be a great idea. Maybe discuss different parenting styles and what the bible says about breastfeeding and parenting. I know it is different for you being a Mom of younger children yourself compared to my Mom who is a grandma.

[Meiri]

Since there's no way of knowing just what has prompted her "breastfeeding is disgusting" attitude (if she really has one), I think going in full bore with the "that attitude is disgusting" would only create the opposite effect.

The general Dr.Sear's book sounds like the best option to me. There will be education enough in there if ignorance, as in lack of knowledge, is the real problem.

The "Jesus was breastfed" on the OP's own baby, who will be nursed there of course, is more than passive-aggressive enough for the situation IMO.

[starrymama]

I agree with pp's that if the mother-to-be is set against breastfeeding, you probably won't change her mind.

Sears' Baby Book is a good one. Another book I'd recommend to give as a gift is The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp. He is pretty mainstream but pro-breastfeeding, though it is not the focus of his book. He is even mildly pro-co-sleeping (for tiny ones, anyway). His soothing techniques are useful for any parent and he drives home the point that it is important to respond quickly to your baby. I received it as a shower gift. I was already committed to breastfeeding, but the rest of his message essentially helped me practice attachment parenting, without necessarily calling it that. I do wish that he would specifically say nursing your child in a sling would accomplish the soothing techniques, but it's still a worthwhile read. (He does recommend pacifiers, but if this woman isn't planning on nursing, I doubt she would abstain from those...)

[gwynthfair]

If you feel comfortable talking with her, I would casually and non-judgementally ask if she is planning on nursing, and then if she says no, I would let her know that you would be happy to help or answer any questions about it for her and if she is insistent I would go with non-breastfeeding gifts. I just think the point of gifts is to get something for someone that either want or need. It would be great if you could convince her to bf, but I don't think a breastfeeding gift will do that, unfortunately. The Baby Book is a great idea.

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by TigerTail

Dramamine and an blanket for her head.

:

[Gracefulmom]

Thanks for all your ideas...

I think a lot of the time I come to MDC to get my passive-aggressiveness out of my system!

I do need to talk to her... I'll just offer my support for breastfeeding, and offer ideas for handling engorgement if she's not planning to breastfeed.

As for the shower... I'll probably make a set of bibs and give the Sears baby or ap book. And my babe will wear a pretty dress. I'll leave my passive-aggressive side at home and write a letter to an editor when I feel annoyed by attitudes about bf.

...back to being nice, now! Thanks for helping me think through this.

[widdlelou]

As a Pastor's Kid and a deacon's wife (so having some experience) I woudl go with the in between. Nursing your daughter there and giving her an AP book is enough. I woudl have a tendency to put a breastfeeding advocacy shirt on my daughter but that is what comes from being a PK we are a little more rebellous by nature (and I think people expect it more). But you got to keep the peace for your hubbies sake. Its not an easy job anyways I'm sure he gets enough complaints on a normal basis (jsut from experience). But the in between idea sounds perfect (and for a person that htinks breastfeeding is "disgusting" I think its more of an advocacy present than you even know).

[emma_goldman]

When I was due with my firtst baby, a "pastor's wife" type figure in my religious community called me and had a special conversation with me about the importance of breastfeeding and a "head's up" that it can be difficult. She gave me her number and gave me tips on making myself as prepared as possible. I am so glad she did that. I was not a die-hard BFer, and hadn't really even thought much about it. I AM SO GLAD SHE TOOK THE TIME TO TALK TO ME!!! I try to do this with people now. I think it makes a difference.

[Meredith&Alexander]

Even better gift idea- Dr. Sears' " The Complete Book of Christian Parenting & Child Care" Pro-BF and Christian!

It may be out of print, but there are plenty of like-new ones listed on Half.com.

[AwakenedMama]

I suspect the mom-to-be is undereducated. It may or may not be too late to change things for her, and, more importantly, her little baby. I was deadset against co-sleeping before and when I was pregnant (undereducated and misinformed), but hearing people talk about the benefits (and realistic, not overblown, risks), then later reading the dr sears ap book opened my eyes to it - but not completely until she was 3 weeks old or so. Now I can't stand to sleep without her.

I think it is so very important for her to know that her pastor's wife breastfeeds, thinks it is normal, and assumes others are going to do the same. When someone tells me they are formula-feeding or giving solids very early, I assume something must have been wrong for them to do this and ask exactly that. I would encourage you to approach the issue in whatever way you are comfortable, but I would like to add that you are obligated to do something because you know better. If she was planning to drive around in a car with her new baby in her lap instead of a car seat, you wouldn't hesitate to educate her, would you?

BTW, I think your standard shower gift is fantastic!

[marie1080]

Originally Posted by sunnymw

You could opt to go in between...

ie, not go totally lactivist, but still not offend...

Like... breast pads instead of lanisoh, since she'll still leak
and The Baby Book (from Sears) instead of the BF book, which still has a section on bf and ebf in it, and AP philosophy... that way, if you can't win her over BF wise, maybe some other AP stuff will sink in...

Maybe a cheaper lower-end pump? You could say it's to help with "engoregement", or if she's really disgusted about the boob on baby thing, she might consider pumping... who knows?

Just some ideas... good luck...

[pixiepunk]

i love the Dr. Sears Baby Book idea - i give that to a lot of people. i also think that if you sew, which it sounds like you do since you were talking about making bibs, maybe sew a ring sling instead. i always "sell" babywearing as making mama's life easier (vs. necessarily pushing the ap aspects) for more mainstream friends, and have converted a lot of babywearers in my day.

in fact, my very mainstream aunt got from me the Dr. Sears Baby Book and a handmade solarveil ring sling for her May baby, and totally raved about both.

[pookel]

I can't believe no one has recommended "So THAT'S What They're For!" yet. It's less preachy than a lot of other books, and it's an entertaining enough read that she might be interested even if she doesn't plan on breastfeeding.

[Gracefulmom]

Originally Posted by momtokaili

I suspect the mom-to-be is undereducated...

I would encourage you to approach the issue in whatever way you are comfortable, but I would like to add that you are obligated to do something because you know better. If she was planning to drive around in a car with her new baby in her lap instead of a car seat, you wouldn't hesitate to educate her, would you?

Thanks for the nudge. You're oh, so right.

You've all given me some great ideas. I just got some coupons from Motherwear today... one set for me and one set to pass on to a friend. If you hadn't all gotten me thinking I'd have thrown away the friend set. Now I think I'll pass them on to her before the shower when I offer whatever support she needs. I'll keep you posted!