Double posting b/c this is a different issue . . .
|I see lots of posts on here from mammas-to-be that sound alot like I did 2 years ago. I thought that if someone was unable to UC, they must have done something wrong... I don't feel that way anymore.
|I don't see lots of posts like this. Could you elaborate?
Mama in the Forest, it IS there. Please don't take this the wrong way; I'm just trying to explain how it is from the other side of the looking glass, so to speak. I know you probably don't see/feel it, and I certainly couldn't pluck a post and point it out. But there is enough of that for me to have felt it strongly and was a reason I didn't return here after dd's birth for six months. It's complex because it's tied to an inherent belief that birthing is natural and that nature designed mothers' bodies to birth; therefore, if you are otherwise healthy and doing so correctly (in tune with your body, baby, etc.), you will not have any major issues birthing. You will have an urge to push, etc. Your baby will be born without assistance. The implication is that if the birth doesn't go off without a major hitch or without needing some prodding, that the mother has either a physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual deficiency that resulted in the birth not being a simple, relatively easy UC. That if the mama had just been in touch with her body and had released her fear, or however someone might put it, she wouldn't have had to transfer, or nothing would have gone awry. For example, she had an unresolved fear of something-or-other - say, pushing - and not experiencing that urge was a result of the fear, which she probably had whether she realized it or not. That kind of comment/attitude is not uncommon here and while it's often given gently, it still carries with it a certain amount of condescension and judgment (maybe even denial?).
It's something that's not applied in extreme cases, like shoulder dystocia.
I'm not sure if that explanation made sense - but I just want you to know I'm not trying to be critical, just trying to explain the impression that sometimes comes across. It's part of the reason I felt so betrayed after my dd was born - I felt lied to by the natural birth community. I felt I'd been told that as long as I was healthy and the baby was healthy and I was listening to my body's signals, the birth would either proceed as it should or I'd know something was wrong and we'd do something about that. But for me, those things didn't happen, and as a result I felt betrayed. I also felt betrayed by my body, and for a time lost a good deal of the faith I had had in my ability to birth normally and naturally without intervention. Finally, I felt betrayed by my doctor, for IMO unprofessional and controlling/emotional behavior.
Not sure if I was able to make myself clear there, hopefully that helps some, though. I know you weren't asking me, either - I'm not trying to speak for the OP, just for me. And I know this isn't generally an intentional or conscious thing, but it is an impression given/received and it is one of those things I try to "debunk" a bit. Without scaremongering. I just think it's worthwhile to point out that sometimes you do everything right, you're healthy, etc., and still, something that should just "happen" doesn't. I just think it's worthwhile for all women considering or planning a UC to know it can happen like that, though of course with much less frequency than an uneventful UC.