Hello everyone!Andrya brought me out of hiding!
I had been mia for a long time because I felt I just didn't fit in. I suppose I do..I guess it had gotten to me. Where did we leave off?? Who knows...
ok, hubby dear finally got an awesome job at a place called CSL Software Solutions in Burlington, VT and he's a project developer and wow, it's a fantastic job. It's a company that provides statistical sales reports for pharmaceutical sales companies (yep..he's a geek!) anyway.. LOL though he's making over 10k a year more than the last job, we were out of work for so long that we're still struggling and feel like we're sliding backward. It's tough but we'll make it all somehow...
me: well, I had a massive nervous breakdown. I tried to commti suicide 2x and luckily Nathanael was the one to save me. Just looking at his angelic face brought me back I guess. I found out I have premenstrual dysphoric disorder and though they wanted to admit me in the hospital and keep me for 11-12 weeks I resisted and now I'm on hormone therapy and I am a new and much better person. I can actually wake up each day feeling happy and that hasn't happend in YEARS. What had put me over the top was my mom being admitted to the hospital for pulmonary edema, once they got the fluid drained they found she has pulmonary fibrosis and so hearing your mom has something terminal is just devastating. She's now in a nursing home rehabbing and hopefully will one day return home to live out her days.
Nathanael, our Aug 05 boy. Well, what a sweet and wonderful ray of sunshine he is. He's developmentally around 10-11 months? He can't kneel or stand yet. He's trying! He doesn't say anything other than dada and sort of a "hello" holding his hand to his ear like the phone. He's about 19 lbs soaking wet but keeps growing bit by bit in length. He's got a lot of 2yr old stuff going on like he doesn't want to be fed to sleep at night now, he's very independant. He plays until he can't play anymore then comes to me, I hold him and off he goes. If I sit to play with him he goes off on his own adventures after a few minutes. He just has his own thing going on. He's bringing in the 2 yr molars too..poor guy!! He doesn't really eat solids all that well. He was for a while but slide backwards. He's going to the hospital week after next for a swallow study to see if it's a defect or if he's afraid of choking. He aspirates a lot and we're not sure what's going on. He likes songs, and is learning some sign language. He understands more than he does. Like I told him to roll the ball to mama using purely sign language and he did it. I cried! He has some hearing loss too. He went to a specialist after I wasn't happy with the State's Hearing Outreach Program. They noticed he wasn't truly hearing low tones and only barely passing on higher tones yet they wouldn't refer me to a specialist. I was ticked! So I had the peditrician get us in and voila! They did a tympanogram and his ear drum wasn't moving at all..meaning a lot of middle ear fluid which is common in those with down syndrome because of very narrow canals and the angle at which they lie. He did a fair job on the hearing exam, he'd hear sounds on the left but look right for them. So..anyway, he's getting these tiny tubes put in that will eventually fall out on their own when they're ready and hopefully he'll drain and he'll get to where he can hear properly!!
He's also not seeing all that well, when he looks at things like books he has to get right on top of them. So we're seeing a pediatric opthamologist in a few weeks.
He loves to dance and sing (babble) and is just a pure and utter joy. He has opened my eyes to this whole new world, the world of kids with special needs and I cannot tell you how grateful I am. First of all, because he's so delayed I get to have a baby longer! Also I've met some amazing people, gone through some tragedy, like having friends with down syndrome pass on ...my heart's been shattered by this but it IS a reality. I've witnessed cruelties in the world regarding those with mental disabilities (just go to youtube.com and search for down syndrome and it'll make you ILL). I'm just glad I get to be an advocate and I get to love this amazing boy. I am just scared about what may happen when I'm gone (those aforementioned videos online scare me to death). It's helped me focus on all the kids in general and hope I can teach them the way to advocate for their brother and shed light on those with differences and maybe help humanity in some way.
My other kids are all getting big and it brings tears of joy to my eyes. Soemtimes it's tears of wanting to pack it all in but mostly joy. I see my once pudgy 5 yr old blossom into a tall little 6 yr old finding herself as a reader and artist. I see my 13 yr old navigate the confusing world of teenagerhood and trying to get the help he needs to deal with his problems. I see my now 12 year old daughter mature and grow and the intracacies of watching her bounce between child and young woman. I see my 9 yr old approach 10 and how graceful she is and how beautiful that grace is..except for when her irish temper flares!!! I get to see my 4 yr old slip out of toddlerhood when I wasn't looking and become a sweet adn wonderful little man.
I get to see my husband, see him through this horrible ordeal and nurture his soul back to health. He's not the same guy he was and hopefully we'll be better for it....eventually.
So..I guess we fit in, we're all different in different ways. I'm still the mom to an Aug 05 boy who is still very much a baby, wearing 12 month old clothes and cuddling as much as ever.
sooooo did I miss anything hahahahaa!!! Love and hugs to all! Kitty and nathanael and the whole kit-and-caboodle!