Questions on supporting someone who has come out to the family

[runnerbrit]

I am not sure if this question is for this forum, but I think that you all maybe able to provide me some unique insight. My 15 yr. old brother came out to my parents over the weekend. My mom and I had suspected for some time now that he was at least bi-curious, as he has been caught w/ male pornography, etc. He told my parents after some text messages between him and one of his male friends was read. My question is this what are the best ways that we as a family can support him? My mom is much more open then my dad, although he has handeled this much better then I thought he would. A major concern for the family is there are three younger siblings, 13, 12, and 10 who are homeschooled through a fairly conservative Catholic group. My 13 yr old sister is just coming into her own, making friends and finding herself in a comfortable space (she has speech issues and has trouble making friends), Any reccomendations on supporting her and my brother at the same time?

[jocmtl]

Hi there,

It's not easy when teenagers come out to their families, and in a Catholic context, he and your family will face a lot of hurdles.

I would start by seeking out a group like PFLAG (parents and friends of lesbians and gays--http://www.pflag.org/) and a lgbt youth support group in your region. There are lots of good books out there as well (Now That You Know comes to mind http://www.amazon.com/Now-That-You-K...dp/015667601X).

Hope this helps!

[wemoon]

Just make sure that your brother knows that you all are there for him, be accepting of his sexuality, and find resources (like PFLAG, books, websites) so that you all can become comfortable with LGBT issues. Realize that he has and probably will endure a lot of bullying and teasing about this and that he really needs his family to be there for him.

I do not know what to say about the Catholic homeschool group. My GF was raised Catholic and her parents are totally cool. I also have a daycare provider who has a lesbian teenager and she is Catholic and totally cool about it. For some reason, my impression is that Catholics are pretty accepting, at least in my area. Your family might need to make some tough decisions if this group starts to pressure or put added stress on your family. Hopefully the decsions will be in favor of supporting your brother because family is most important.

[gamitzer]

I agree with the above posters. And I think it's great that you want to support your brother! I think the concern that most siblings have is that either they will be perceived as gay, or that they will be treated badly as a result of their sibling being gay. If you (or someone else) plans to talk to the younger siblings, make sure to let them know that you accept your brother, but also that you know that his sexuality does not affect anyone else's sexuality. I'm not sure how to explain that best to each age group, but it could be something as simple as he does _blank_ but that doesn't mean you have to do _blank_. It's also important to just listen to your siblings' feelings about the situation and answer any questions they have.
In my case, I came out at age 20, but my two siblings still had lots of questions even though they were grown up. My older brother had some stereotypical questions to ask (are you gay because mom is overbearing? and that kind of stuff), but my twin sister wanted to know how I figured it out and whether I was in a good relationship.
I can't speak to the Catholic aspect, but I would guess that you could talk about compassion and tolerance. Good luck! Meredith