cut boy asking about whole boy

[littlemizflava]

this has not come up yet but the way my bestfriends son is looking at my son i know it is coming he got cut even tho i begged her not to do it she didnt care : my 6 month old son is whole i just came back from visiting with her and her son the last 2 days noticed that he was different he is almost 6 i EC so when he seen him naked he would come and eye his penis i know if he asks i really dont know what to say but that his mom took him to the dr and she had the dr cut a peice off his penis when he was a baby........... truely i dont know what to say i want him to question her she wants more kids i want her to see the error in her choic talking dont do a thing has this come up what have you said or what would you say

...oh felt i should add just to get background on everything she had him cut because her dad wanted him to look like him i asked a million times how was he going to be seeing his penis she said she didnt know and didnt care because he was going to pay for it and it was not her money so she did it without batting a eye or a care for his pain or health so this is a really touchy subject with us i do talk pro about foreskin all the time trying to educate her praying it works even tho i did try my damnest with #1

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

Well i'm not sure how to expalin that to a 6 y/o....but my first ds was circ'd...sorry i didn't know i was very young and uneducated on the matter...so here comes along 3rd child ds is not circ'd so i have a 10 y/o who is circ'd and bring home our new baby boy intact......so older ds is like what in the world..."mama what's up with his...ya know....uh..." so i had to explain everything to him and it was much easier because he was older and understood. My older 2 children are from my ex...who was circ'd and my current hubby is not circ'd...so i gently explained that we wanted new baby to look like his daddy? And then went form their. Maybe you can say something like that...it's the same thing...about why people are different colors and why some people have curly hair and or straight hair....that's the way God made us....just pray that he doesn't ask for a while longer...:

[trmpetplaya]

I would tell him to ask his mother :

love and peace.

[Microsoap]

While it can be a dicey thing talking to another child about such a thing, I think it could be done by you.

One thing you can't say: "When you were born, your parents thought it was better to have the doctor cut the end off your penis, but now they know they shouldn't." Because that would be very much untrue given the nonchalant way your friend views circumcision.

You could tell him: "When you were born, your parents wanted to cut the end off of your penis because THEY FEEL you should look like your daddy, and this happened to him when he was born." And let the chips fall where they may. It's factually true, and you haven't expressed your anti-circ feelings in that statement. And if they feel like they've been put on the defensive, well, good. It's up to them to own up to their actions.

It sure as heck prevents them from starting a conversation: "It looks better and it's cleaner when you have the end of your penis cut off." *gag, gag*

[Sijae]

Originally Posted by Mamato3wild ponnie

Well i'm not sure how to expalin that to a 6 y/o....but my first ds was circ'd...sorry i didn't know i was very young and uneducated on the matter...so here comes along 3rd child ds is not circ'd so i have a 10 y/o who is circ'd and bring home our new baby boy intact......so older ds is like what in the world..."mama what's up with his...ya know....uh..." so i had to explain everything to him and it was much easier because he was older and understood. My older 2 children are from my ex...who was circ'd and my current hubby is not circ'd...so i gently explained that we wanted new baby to look like his daddy? And then went form their. Maybe you can say something like that...it's the same thing...about why people are different colors and why some people have curly hair and or straight hair....that's the way God made us....just pray that he doesn't ask for a while longer...:

The problem with this is that that line of thinking is never right regardless of what side you are on. What will the circ'd boy do when he has children, circ them to look like him? The only way to end circ is to tell the truth.

Laura

[~Kira~]

Honestly?

I'd answer that some parents cut part of their baby's penis off when they are newborns, but we didn't do that because there's no need to. If he asks further questions about his own status, I'd say he should ask his mom why she did that to him - put the ball in her court.

And when he turns 18, give him the contact info for ARCLAW so he can sue.



- Kira

[Daisyuk]

:

Make his mother answer some awkward questions.

[laidbackmomto2]

I think I'd be more neutral, to be honest (thinking of the child's feelings and such). I think I'd say something along the lines of "All baby boys' penis' are like this when they are born. Some parents decide to have an operation to change it. Maybe you should ask your mom about this." This would let the boy know that the intact penis is the default, that it's natural and normal. And that he had a OPERATION on his penis that his parents CHOSE for him.

I would imagine if he brought it up to him mom, it would go something like "Mom, why did I have an operation on my penis?". Let his mother field THAT one.

Who knows? Depending on the type of child he is (naturally talkative and inquisitive), he may come back to you one day and tell you what his mom said. You could then gently correct any of the myths she may have throw his way.

Cindy

Lindsey (96/02/26)
Jason (00/06/08)

[thismama]

Originally Posted by laidbackmomto2

I think I'd be more neutral, to be honest (thinking of the child's feelings and such). I think I'd say something along the lines of "All baby boys' penis' are like this when they are born. Some parents decide to have an operation to change it. Maybe you should ask your mom about this." This would let the boy know that the intact penis is the default, that it's natural and normal. And that he had a OPERATION on his penis that his parents CHOSE for him.

Yep, I would do this too. I also don't give much judgment when I talk to ff'ed kids about breastfeeding. I find it very disrespectful, and really they are so young it's not like they are going to remember the information and utilize it in adulthood. It just confuses and upsets them.

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by Sijae

The problem with this is that that line of thinking is never right regardless of what side you are on. What will the circ'd boy do when he has children, circ them to look like him? The only way to end circ is to tell the truth.

Laura

I couldn't agree more!
I understand that many moms on this board circ'd their boys and now would have given anything to take that back. And I also understand how hard it is to explain it to a little kid. BUT I really believe that this is the only right way to explain it. Circ MUST be explained as a WRONG choice, as a wrong thing to do. "Looking like daddy" would just keep mutilation going. On the other hand, saying something among the lines that this wrong thing was done to your dady because his parents thought it was good for him and so we thought it was good for you as well, until we learned the truth and now we know that it's a very wrong thing to do to a baby and we're very very sorry we allowed that to happen to you...
It's hard, but then truth almost always is...

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by thismama

Yep, I would do this too. I also don't give much judgment when I talk to ff'ed kids about breastfeeding. I find it very disrespectful, and really they are so young it's not like they are going to remember the information and utilize it in adulthood. It just confuses and upsets them.

well, when you are 6 and you learn that your parents decided to cut a part of your genitals off you ARE going to remember the information and utilize it in adulthood. you absolutely ARE going to remember that!

[oregongirlie]

If he asks you about your son, I'd say, "We didn't cut this piece off."
I would not say something like YOUR mom had a piece of YOUR penis cut off when you were a baby. If he asks about himself, I'd tell him to ask his mom.

[Romana]

If I said anything other than "ask your mother," I would say something similar to what laidbackmomto2 suggested so the boy can develop his own feelings about it without feeling like you're judging his penis. I'll never forget when I was about that age and asked my neighbor (who was babysitting me) what abortion was. She was Catholic and 100% against abortion for any reason. But what she said was very neutral, simply that some people believed that a woman has a right to choose to end a pregnancy, while other people believe that doing so is killing the baby and is wrong. She phrased it better than that, but basically what she gave me was a starting point and something to think about.

He will come to his own conclusions, and I really doubt saying something that might make him feel bad about himself or insecure about his penis will make him an intactivist. Just give him a foundation, and in time, he'll know what to do with it.

Julia
dd 1

[AllieFaye]

If it were me, I'd give the six year old just enough information to start thinking it over for himself.

"What's up with his penis?"
"Why, nothing at all. He's normal."
"But, uh, why does it look like that."
"That's the way normal penises look. All baby boys are born looking like that."

Let those mental wheels start turning, and let him ruminate over what happened to him. Then, guide him to ask his mother, if he starts asking about himself. Then, when he comes back with the myths, the groundwork of what's normal has already been laid.

[trmpetplaya]

ITA that I would mention that your son's penis is normal and looks just the way it's supposed to. I would have him ask his mother about his OWN penis though (to clarify what I said yesterday) if it came up.

Letting him know what a normal penis looks like is adequate, IMO, for his age and it shouldn't give him any horribly negative impressions about himself either. Age-appropriateness is very important when dealing with sensitive topics... especially with other people's kids!

love and peace.

[Blarg]

"Your parents cut yours off."

If he asks why, tell him you don't know, and that he should ask them.

No sense in sugar coating it. And keeping it super-simple and accurate like this also leaves his parents no grounds for being upset with you.

[littlemizflava]

Originally Posted by Sijae

The problem with this is that that line of thinking is never right regardless of what side you are on. What will the circ'd boy do when he has children, circ them to look like him? The only way to end circ is to tell the truth.

Laura

agree 100% i would never lie to this child his mom and me are very close grew up together i parent her kids as she does mine i have never said go ask your mom for anything if they come to me i answer it and they do look alike they both are mixed same color of skin, hair and eyes the penis is the only diffenrence so that is why he noticed it... i get asked if all 4 are mine (2 mine 2 her's)

[trmpetplaya]

Originally Posted by littlemizflava

agree 100% i would never lie to this child his mom and me are very close grew up together i parent her kids as she does mine i have never said go ask your mom for anything if they come to me i answer it and they do look alike they both are mixed same color of skin, hair and eyes the penis is the only diffenrence so that is why he noticed it... i get asked if all 4 are mine (2 mine 2 her's)

In that case I would be honest (but gentle) with him. If you're that close with his mom and her kids then it would be appropriate for you to gently educate him with the truth. I didn't realise that was the situation... honestly, I would say to go with your gut on this one since you know the situation better than any of us do Best wishes if/when it comes up!

love and peace.

[MelKnee]

Please, be gentle with him. When my intact 6yo ds found out about circ, he was horrified. The look on his face was awful. I can only imagine how a cut boy would take the news.

[littlemizflava]

Originally Posted by MelKnee

Please, be gentle with him. When my intact 6yo ds found out about circ, he was horrified. The look on his face was awful. I can only imagine how a cut boy would take the news.

i would be gentle my dd has already told him that his penis looks weird and different she is almost 5 and knows all about circ.

i just wanted to see if it has come up for others i wanted some tips never had to break it to a boy on this issue... i have a way of telling the truth i dont lie to kids so i wouldnt be able to look him in the face and lie about it