my MW just quit on me

[gibsonsmom]

My midwife called me yesterday to conform our appointment next week and to tell me that she has decided to go visit her family for the month of my babys arrival. I'm kind of mad, I feel like she made a commitment to me and obviously her family "thing" is not an emergency becasue it's 5 months away. There are very few MWs where I live, perhaps a dozen country-wide (Costa Rica) and many of them are way out on the mountains or several hours away by car. My OB is amazing and totally supportive of home birth and I might be able to have him assist but it's not exactly what I was going for. And now, evenif my MW changes her mind I feel like there is a lack of trust/responsibility and I don't know if I would want to use her. I feel kind of stuck.

[feminist~mama]

Oh my! I'm sorry, that stinks! I can absolutely see why you'd have a hard time trusting her.

Just to clarify for myself- she agreed to take you on as a client, began pre-natals, and has now quit?

Why would you go see her next week if she's doing this?

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I'd be more than kind of angry. I'd be demanding my money back and hunting for a new midwife. That is really unacceptable.

[StormySar]

Well I may be the odd one out but midwives need to be able to take breaks and visit family too... No matter when you schedule a visit you're probably going to interfere with someones birth and it's unfortunate that it had to be yours - but 5 months away would seem acceptable to me so you have time to make other arrangements. I know it totally screws up your plans and everything though - I hope you can figure something out that makes you happy.

I would not go to any more prenatals though with her if she is planning on not being there - find someone you can tolerate (your ob?) and start seeing them right away so you have a chance ot build up a relationship with them.

[Momma Aimee]

And now, evenif my MW changes her mind I feel like there is a lack of trust/responsibility and I don't know if I would want to use her.

just me

i had a cnm with our first, and a poor relationsip with her.

i would stop useing the mw now -- you feel hurt and betrayed and let down....you will start to NOT want to see her, you will dread appts and distrust her data and advice.

I would either choose an new mw or go with the OB.

JMO but the trust realtionship has been broken, she will not be there for the birth anyway -- and as you say even if she now says she will, can you trust her not to change her mind AGAAIN?

AImee

[supermuma]

I am sorry that you have to deal with this!

I just went through something similar...the midwife i was using decided to plan a vacation until I was 37 weeks and 5 or 6 days..one of the things that i spoke with her about in the beginning was that I tended to go early....well, her not wanting me to go into labor before she got back started to interfere with the care I was getting...and decisions were being made because of it. I also started not to trust her because of it. I did feel betrayed on some level...and it was not good.

So, we decided to find someone else. We have and she seems wonderful ..and we feel much better.

I understand that midwives need vacations too..I think that planning could really help these kind of situations though...like plan not to take clients who are due in a certain month..or whatever...I actually had a few midwives tell me that they were not taking births in late July/August because they had vacations planned when I called looking for midwives 6 months ago.

[AuntG]

I have to agree with StormySar -- you don't know the circumstances around the visit and it may have just worked out for her that it would be the best time to schedule it. Think about it the other way around....if the opportunity came up and everything just clicked with you and your spouse, and kids or parents or whomever you're visiting...or say there was an unexpected raise or bonus or something... you'd do it too!

She did give plenty of time. Realistically, some people don't start seeing a midwife until about now anyway. It might have been worse if you'd gotten 25-30 weeks in and learned of this.

You still have plenty of time to find someone else. 5 months is a goodly while! I have ten weeks left and it seems an eternity!!!!!

[Momma Aimee]

you don't know the circumstances around the visit and it may have just worked out for her that it would be the best time to schedule it. Think about it the other way around....if the opportunity came up and everything just clicked with you and your spouse, and kids or parents or whomever you're visiting...or say there was an unexpected raise or bonus or something... you'd do it too!

I would NOT do it -- I would say "sorry i made a comnitment to Jane Smith, and can not travel at that point" end of story. being an adult is about responibliteis and conmitments. impuse control.

i agree with pp -- if she wanted to vacation in say JUNE then she takesn no clients due in JUNE or the last week of May or the first two weeks of July. it is called planning -- another part of being a responible adult.

this was unprofessional and immature.

Aimee

[gibsonsmom]

appreciate the support

Just saying thanks to everyone the support.

Also wanted respond and say I understand the need for vacation and what not but it´s not like the States or Canada here where you can call a referral service, MW organizations or look in the yellow pages to find someone else, there are literaly 6 to 10 MWs in the entire country of 4 million. Additionally, we had an agreement, I could understand an emergency situation but thats not the case.

But there is going to be a midwifery today conference here later this month so if worse comes to worse I might head over there to talk with some people.

Anyhoo, thanks for the good vibes.

[momto l&a]

When my old mw need time off she planned for it a year in advance. And didnt take any mommies due int that time frame.

IMO what you mw did was very unprofessional. A person doesnt take somebody on and then later change their mind because they want to go do something fun.


How frustrating!

[SublimeBirthGirl]

Being a midwife, to me, means you give up some degree of spontenaity in your life. Maybe there's more to the story than she's sharing, but a good midwife does NOT schedule a vacation when a mama is due. You have to plan for these things. Being a midwife (or doula) is a commitment, and if you can't live up to the commitment, perhaps the lifestyle isn't for you. JMO.

[gibsonsmom]

took your advice

All of you who said I should not do my appointment are right, I guess I was still sticking to my end of the agreement but I just called and left her a message that I was not going to see her. Now the search really starts.
Thanks again.

[momto l&a]

IMO the prenatals you can do yourself.

I have pee sticks, take my blood pressure and measure myself and I do my weight.


Hoping you can find a new mw quickly and a really good one at that

[JanetF]

I'm so sorry The best thing my MW did for me was dumping me. I had a freebirth and I'll never hire another careprovider. I hated having to make that decision under pressure (I was 37 weeks, recently arrived from interstate and just couldn't face looking for another MW!) but I woke up in labour the next day anyway so there was nothing else I could have done. Sending you strength and support!

[pamamidwife]

It is hard as a mw to take time off. People sign on with you seven months before the birth and if you have months and months filled, it's hard to know when that time to take off would be good. Oftentimes if I have a period of a few weeks where only one person is due, I may consider that vs another time where three are due. Does that make sense? It's also hard to always plan vacations a year out.

Was she planning on leaving for weeks at a time? Even a week could have still worked out, provided she had given some sort of backup option that was satisfactory to you and your situation.

I'm sorry - I agree with JanetF, though - sometimes the most incredible things come from situations just like this.