Originally Posted by Emese'sMom
The problem too is that dd is very intense and persistent. I sometimes feel very very tired and worn out dealing with her. But she really is a beautiful and lovely bright wonderful child. I waste so much energy beating myself up each day, agonizing over my choices, worrying if I'm making the right decisions.
Thanks for your reply. Thanks for listening. My friends IRL don't listen well.
OMG, I totally understand. My dd (4) is JUST like that- bright, energetic, creative but also totally demanding of my attention, since she was a newborn, persistent, mommy-look-at-me-talk-to-me in your face ALL DAY long, very needy in lots of ways. Then I have toddler boy, 22 mths, who is more laid back but also needs attention, obviously, the both of them fighting over me sometimes.....and one due in May
I feel completely consumed some days, and just so...worn out and burned out. Then I feel down because I am not enjoying them and push them away a bit, and THEN I feel like "I am a bad mom" thing. I spend way too much time feeling guilty- here I will post you an email I wrote to a friend:
"It has been bothering me lately that I spend so much time feeling guilty
about what I do, or neglect to do as a mother. I tried to make three
The "I should be doing more" guilt
More educational things, more "quality time" with crafts, books, projects,
more "special time" together. When I am cleaning, or preoccupied with stuff
not- kid related, I am always thinking "you should be....should be....should
be.....spending time with them, playing with them, down on the floor doing
legos or gettting out play-do, or engaging them, doing things THEY love,
taking them to really fun places...I feel guilty for being too tired or
cranky or stressed to do all I want to do. I think I have to make the most
of every day, because they will grow up and I want them (and me) to look
back on lots of great memories.
The "oh my gosh I just yelled or was short or critical with the kids" guilt
That is when I get on their backs about something small, like crumbs on the
floor, and yell or am less than kind and understanding, or get impatient.
Then I see I hurt Elianna's feelings and feel like an ass and worry that I
am hurting her self-esteem, or her self-imagine and will scar her for life,
etc. etc. I notice I expect more of her as the oldest. I try and praise for
every time I get critical and impatient, but....
The "I should be enjoying them every minute" guilt
This is a big one. Every time I feel annoyed with them, or just resentful of
their needs or their demands on me, I have these obsessive thoughts like
"soon they will be all grown up and you will miss this time", or "if it is
so hard for you to meet their needs, then why did you have kids?", or even
worse I think "what if they got killed in a car crash tommorow, and you
didn't enjoy every single minute you had with them!!" That always goes
through my head and drives me crazy. I think I could lose the kids, and then
I will wish all the times back that they were screaming for me, or demanding
juice/snacks/attention/help/whatever. So it gets obsessive that I have to
"enjoy" ever single minute, and if I don't, I feel guilty about my feelings.
This is the worst guilt for sure, because it eats me up."
See what I mean?
If you ever want to chat through email about how we moms can get RID of this "bad mom syndrome" let me know! I just got a script for Zoloft, because I just haven't been doing so well with them, and the anxiety over the new baby coming.
Anyhow, sorry no good advice yet, but just telling you you are not the only one.