New Mom... I just need to whine!

[~~Mama2B~~]

I just had my first baby on April 27th. She's wonderful and DH and I are so happy.

Before I had children I had many formed opinions on the "proper" way to parent. I had a very arrogant attitude (internally- I wasn't a flamer) towards people who formula fed. I believed that formula should only be used in impossible situations- adoption, pre-maturity, illness, etc. I thought people who used forumla for any other reason must be lazy and selfish.

Now I find myself using formula everyday. After dd was born, I had to have surgery and the nurses gave my dd a bottle. Since then she has been too lazy to latch and I have been to overwhelmed and exhausted to keep at it. I try to nurse 2-4 times a day, but if I'm lucky only one of those results in quasi-successful nursing.

We're using a nipple shield, which helps, but dd doesn't want to make the effort. If I'm feeling vigorous I will sit for 20 minutes or so trying to help her latch, but he crying wears me down and I just want to her to be fed so I giv in and use a bottle. I'm pumping now in the hopes that I can filter the milk in under the nipple shield to give dd some "instant gratification" when she begins to nurse, but all too often it winds up in a bottle, reenforcing the nipple confusion.

In the middle of the night I'm so tired that the last thing I want to do is struggle with dd on my breast. I just want to feed her and try to coax her back to sleep so again, the formula finds itself back in the picture.

I feel like a failure, a fraud and a hypocrite. I just want the nursing relationship that I've waited for with dd. I want the soothing, mom-baby time that we occasionally have when nursing is a success. I don't want her to cry and cry with hunger and frustration as we try to nurse. I don't want to cry myself every time we fail. I don't want to be angry with myself or dd when it's not working. I don't know what to do. A part of me wants to just surrender to formula and give up on nursing until the next child comes along. Another part of me feels guilty and ashamed for not being stronger and fighting for my nursing relationship.

I don't know if anyone's been there, but I just had to get it out. Sigh...

Kristi

[alegna]

You CAN do this! It's still early. Get rid of the formula and bottles now.



-Angela

[rjruiz_415]

Originally Posted by alegna

You CAN do this! It's still early. Get rid of the formula and bottles now.



-Angela

oh i agree i feel your pain, my dd had an awful latch problem, which resulted in a wonderful 2-3 months of hellish nursing. i could only get her to nurse properly about 1 or 2 times a day, she would latch onto the tipp of my nipple, and pull off, or lose suction, or something else...it was awful, and i spent LOTS of time just crying right along with her cause i couldnt get it to work. Just stick with it. if she is not given a bottle, she WILL figure out how to latch on-just keep at it mama!!!

[2mama]

try the SFS to give her the formula if you have to suplement then you will be building your supply as she learns to nurse!

Try to nurse as often as possible during the day and try to put her to breast as soon as she shows any sighs of hunger. Rooting, turning her head, sucking on her hand ect..

Try taking a warm shower right before her feeding to relax to get your milk flowing. Maybe she would be happier skin to skin and without having to work to get the bm flowing.

Good luck

[widemouthedfrog]

Originally Posted by ~~Mama2B~~

In the middle of the night I'm so tired that the last thing I want to do is struggle with dd on my breast. I just want to feed her and try to coax her back to sleep so again, the formula finds itself back in the picture.

I feel like a failure

Been there, done that. Keep trying! It's very early days. Dd had some formula in the beginning (I had undiagnosed chronic illness that made it nearly impossible for my body to make milk). Once that and the latching were resolved, by 6 weeks we kicked the formula habit altogether.

I understand. Keep at it! You can do it!

[Amris]

I agree with the others. Get the bottle and the formula IN THE TRASH AND OUT OF THE HOUSE. It's easy to go the easy route when you have it... but if you'd have to get up and go to the store for it, you wouldn't do it.

Also, I agree on the 'start as soon as the first sign of hunger' that someone already mentioned.

Then, take an entire day to do NOTHING (and I do mean nothing, but I'm not counting bodily functions) besides nurse, nurse, and more nursing. In fact, take an entire weekend or more.

Set yourself up a little "nursing station" and have baby laying with you, both of you nearly nakies. Get as much skin-on-skin with her as you can. As soon as she wakes and starts rooting, send her straight to the breast.

Rent 7 or 8 of your favorite movies, have your DH put them in for you. Nest in a place where you can comfortably sleep, so that you can spend the two days just staying right there and only getting up to use the facilities. Don't bother to shower or any of that stuff, baby won't care (honest!).

Make a few days of just pure relaxation outside of taking care of baby. Let dad make all your food, plus have some fruit sitting nearby so you can just grab an apple if you just want a little snack or munchie.

Look at it as a holiday. Outside of nursing, you are just going to relax. Keep the diaper pail and a stack of nappies beside you. Have a little space heater and a hot pad (or a fan, if you're the gets-hot-easily type instead) right nearby and in arm's reach.

Have a book there in case you get restless and don't want to watch TV. Get a baby monitor and use it as a CB Radio to get dad to come bring you drinks or bring you food or bring you some tylenol (I had caesarean, so I shamelessly used tylenol when the pain was too bad)... or whatever else you might randomly need that you didn't think of.

Your DD WILL adjust to the time it takes to nurse if you stop giving her the bottle and start handing her the breast at the merest sign of hunger or waking.

But you WON'T do that so long as you give yourself the easy out. Get rid of the easy out.

It's like someone trying to go onto a healthy diet, who has a cabinet full of twinkies, brownie cakes, and cokes... THROW IT AWAY OR YOU'LL USE IT!

[garretsmommy]

Have you considered finger feeding when needing to supplement? I did that with my DS for a couple of days until my milk came in (he was a big boy and nursed much better and was happier with a bit of supplementation). Do you have access to an LC to provide you with the feeding tube and syringes needed for finger feeding? I work in an NICU and we always finger feed our babies when they are to be BF (which is the majority of the babes that I care fore)- we always say it's as close to BFing as you can get. I've seen tons of babes do great with this and become great BFers.
Best wishes!

[~~Mama2B~~]

I've been seeing a LC and she's given me a few things to try. We're using the sugar water, the syringe and tube and bottles with EBM. They help some, but it's really hard to get all the contraptions working when you're by yourself. DH only had the week off and now he'll be going back to work (plus school) so it will be just dd and I for 13-14 hours a day.

Hopefully we can find a weekend (maybe next one) to have a little niursing retreat and just keep at it. I don't want to let myself get lay about it eaither and I think that might be good for both of us.

We had two sort-successful nursing sessions today and I'm hoping to get one more in later. I really want this to work. Thanks for the advice and for letting me whine about it.

Kristi

[nikihodges]

do all these things and you will be ok....since dd is at work and school---set up the nursing nest and most that you will need then just get up for bathroom , food and drink----throw that formula away! get rid of the bottles and if you must supplement use s sns no bottles or pacis---you can do it!

[clogmama]

How's it going now? Are you able to nurse without the nipple shield?