Would you go with a mw if you didn't get a good vibe... and also opinions wanted...

[DoomaYula]

over a phone consult?

As I've been writing about my challenges finding a mw willing to attend me, I found one who is 2h away (which is about the closest you can get) but I just didn't get a good vibe on the phone. I can't put my finger on it, though. Just didn't get a good vibe.

I'm waiting for an email back from the midwifewithoutborders and

(this is very exciting)

mdc's own charmie81 has offered to come all the way out here from Shreveport and catch this baby!

So I went from zero options up to 3 options.

To be honest, I really felt good about talking to charmie when we spoke on the phone. However, if I go with charmie (okay her name is Charlotte, but I think I'd have to ask her if it's okay if I call her Charmie because it's just how I think of her) or with the traveling midwife, I'd have a UP -- although phone prenatals with her.

I've never had any problems with my other 2 pregnancies, they've been great, and I can always get a bp cuff, and urine sticks, and... what else? I guess I can get bloodwork from my family doc.

So yeah, several q's, opinions wanted.

[BelgianSheepDog]

I'd meet up in person with the one on the phone before deciding. Some people are just really bad with phone conversations (I'm one!) and might be perfectly delightful one on one.

[ladybugchild77]

Yey! Options!!!
I second the pp suggestion. When I met my last MW in person the first time I was not sure if we connected at all but I went with her anyway since she was my only option. Throughout my prenatal care we formed a bond - she is just a reserved person and it comes across as something else; hard to explain but I get the lack of connection feeling. At my birth she was absolutely fantastic. HTH!

[angington]

I would at least give it a face to face meeting before you decide. My mw was a little flighty with things like paperwork (which drove my dh nuts), but was awesome anytime it really counted.

[pamamidwife]

I agree about face to face meetings - my attention is rarely focused on the phone. Kids! (why are they ok until I pick up the phone??)

It sounds like you have lots of options! Explore them all and be honest with your heart.

[mamamoogs]

To be honest with you I dont think I really click with my midwife, but i didnt have any other options i couldnt find one in my area she is very nice,nothing wrong with her i just don't feel a click but she knows her stuff and i am confident in her ability to help me birth my babe so i went with her, i am not due yet for a few weeks but i hope all works well, i 'll let you know how it goes.
Gl on finding someone you like...

[mommy2two babes]

Please don't. If you have a feeling even if you can't quite put you finger on it don't go with her. I made this mistake. My midwives work in teams of two and I had the same one from my first birth but with a different partner. When I met her something just rubbed me the wrong way. I put it off and hoped that I wouldn't have her for my birth. Of course when I went into labor on the week her partner was on call I got a real good perspective on what rubbed me the wrong way. She almost missed my birth because she wouldn't listen to me. When I was in transition and said I couldn't do it she said in a nasty tone " Remember you wanted this baby to come" It was like someone would say to a child. She made me feel as if I was wasting her time when I called her to say I was in labor. I will never do that again go with your gut.
Good luck
Krista

[StarJune]

Go with your gut. This is a once in a lifetime experience that you will remember forever. Connecting with your birth attendant is important. Plus you have two other good options. I would take either of those instead.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by ladybugchild77

Yey! Options!!!
I second the pp suggestion. When I met my last MW in person the first time I was not sure if we connected at all but I went with her anyway since she was my only option. Throughout my prenatal care we formed a bond - she is just a reserved person and it comes across as something else; hard to explain but I get the lack of connection feeling. At my birth she was absolutely fantastic. HTH!

This is VERY similar to the mw who attended my first hb, also. She is just reserved and very low-key. It worked out very well for us because I tend to be high-stress at times, and being pregnant w/ a 1 yr old certainly didn't make it any easier! She was very methodical and clinical, sort of, yet was a very good fit for us.

Meet with he rin person first, see what you think, and base your decision on that.

[momto l&a]

Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog

I'd meet up in person with the one on the phone before deciding. Some people are just really bad with phone conversations (I'm one!) and might be perfectly delightful one on one.

I second that.

[Snowdrift]

I really didn't click with my midwife over the phone.

I clicked with both of them (two person practice) in person, but on a level of same goals, trust, support level. Did not really have any personal affection until the birth (when the hormones helped).

I'm glad I went with them. There are lots of reasons why I made a good choice and while a really comfy relationship would've been nice, I found that other things more than made up for that.

[HeatherB]

The PPs advice is all great - nothing to add. BUT I just wanted to say that I'm thrilled that you have options!! Keep us posted!

[mamaverdi]

I'm also so glad you found some options! I would meet with someone, and NOT decide over the phone. I find that IN PERSON you often know right away.

Good luck!

[supermuma]

I would be very conscious of that feeling you got over the phone..but also interview her in person too...and then see how you feel about her overall....

I am going to say that I think your gut is usually right though..even over the phone..you just have to listen to it! Also, if you have other options that you do feel good with, then I would definatly go with one of those.

I interviewed 4 midwives at the beginning of my pregnancy...and they were all very nice...but I never really felt I clicked with any of them. I also didn't think I had any other options though..so I went with the one that was the least expensive, since I have done this twice before and thought it wouldn't matter....the one I went with is the one that I felt least connection with over the phone in the beginning.

After a few months of having her as my mw, I just couldn't do it anymore and I knew that I would not be comfortable giving birth with her. (Just personal feeling...she really was very nice!).

Luckily I was able to find a few other midwives that I had not interviewed before in another city near me. I feel SOOOOO much better with the one that I have now....and I really clicked over the phone with her too!!!

So, go with your gut--REALLY!

[DoomaYula]

Thanks everyone. Options, hooray!

I agree, I will meet in person with the mw who is only 2h away and see how that goes. I have a client due in about a week, and after that I'm going to completely concentrate on finding the right hb mw for me. I'll continue to keep you posted. Thanks again for the support, it really means a lot. :

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I'm a UCer so take my opinion how you wil, but I'd never hire an attendant I wasn't 100% comfortable with.

[Maggi315]

I hope people don't judge me over the phone. I am usually dealing with several kids and maybe dog issues while trying to talk on the phone. That's why I have a website, an info packet I send out and a free f2f meeting. I don't know about others, but I have met people in person who are not at all what I pictured them being on the phone.

glad you have options though!

[DoomaYula]

Well, it wasn't that she was flighty over the phone, she just said some unkind things about the midwife who was originally going to work with me. She sounded a little cocky about herself and told me it might be a blessing not to have my original midwife attend me because of XYZ. That sort of made me @@ (roll my eyes).

I mean, I talked to another midwife who lives like 5h away (too far, we both agreed) but she was SUPER sympathetic over the phone and told me to call her back if I absolutely couldn't find anyone else to help me. She just seemed really HELPFUL.

The vibe I got from the midwife 2h away was that she was doing ME a huge favor by being my midwife, ya know?

And yes, I know it is something nice to be willing to drive 2h for a birth, but for goodness sake, I'm going to pay almost $5000, including driving out there for all my prenatals.

[AmieV]

Originally Posted by YumaDoula

Well, it wasn't that she was flighty over the phone, she just said some unkind things about the midwife who was originally going to work with me. She sounded a little cocky about herself and told me it might be a blessing not to have my original midwife attend me because of XYZ. That sort of made me @@ (roll my eyes).

This to me is not just a bad vibe, that's very unprofessional behavior and it would make me uncomfortable too. If I had some options to choose from, then I probably wouldn't bother interviewing this one face to face.

[Maggi315]

Well, that kind of behavior would turn me off. Even though there are a few midwives I have some reservations about, I wouldn't talk about that with a potential client either for them or for myself.

My concern would be the ego involved. I think when the ego gets involved in a midwive's practice, that's not a good sign.

I'm glad you have other choices, though. Heck, for 5000, you can fly me out! That's alot more than we get around here in PA.