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Unbelievable Adoption/Teen Parent Story (returned)

post #1 of 70
Thread Starter 
post #2 of 70
I don't have any good advice- other than maybe take your time, and try to keep your expectations low for a little bit. I think you will all settle in faster than you think!

Overall, you sound very happy, and I'm happy for you. Good luck!
post #3 of 70

Just take it slow...

First about the name, this is a part of her life, she is old enough to know ans understand the importance of her name. I would not change it. I know what you mean about a name reminding you of something else, soon Ana Maria will only remind you of the loving, warm, wonderful child you brought into this world and the parents who were able to care for her the first years of her life!

When we were in foster care it was important to follow the wishes of the bio parents, here is a different situation, but I would think it is still really important to follow the wishes of the adoptive parents. It will take quite a bit of adjustment, take it slow ans enjoy learning about your daughter.

I would have her start by calling you by your name...then Mommy name...then mommy, this could take months but it is a change to get used too. You don't want to overshadow her adoptive parents.

Good luck, Hope you get more advice and What a GREAT opportunity!

She's a cutie
post #4 of 70
Thread Starter 
post #5 of 70
no advice but i had to pop in and say best of luck and she's gorgeous!
post #6 of 70
wow, what an incredible situation this is! good luck with everything and i second the take it slow. she's just been through an extremely traumatic experience - loss of her parents, then foster care at such a young age. like you said, she is probably so confused! best wishes.
post #7 of 70
WOW!!! I dont know what else to say!

I'll think about it and write more later :
post #8 of 70
Thread Starter 
post #9 of 70
I also agree with take it slow. You will also need to consider your priorities:

This is a little girl that has recently lost her parents - she is dealing with that trauma and profound loss - names should not be a concern right now.

Educate yourself on dealing with loss and trauma in young children, and be prepared for this girl to reject you - it is very typical behavior in adoption after a loss like that. Despite you being her birth mother, to this child you are esentially a stranger and it will be helpful to frame it that way to avoid disappointment that could come. Be sure to talk to her foster parents to see what kind of behavior she is exhibiting and what her likes, dislikes, and routines are. Some make the mistake of pretending that their life before you did not exist - it is who she is and you should talk to her about it. Talk to her social worker about getting pictures of her adoptive family and her so that she can share that life with you.

I would also have an experienced parent around to help offer advice and guidance at first. Finally do not push the name "Mommy" on her at all. That should be a decision that she makes when the time is right. Start with just your first name if that is comfortable for you and discuss it more as your relationship grows.

This will likely be a wonderful and stressful time for you and your daughter - take it slow and seek out a strong support system.
post #10 of 70
Congrats on having her back! What a beautiful little girl!

However, I would just follow her lead and I would not change her name. I would keep it to honor her parents. She may resent that you changed it later, and that's the last thing you would want. I see it as what if you had raised her all your life, and named her Lilly like you wanted. Then you passed on and they changed her name? That would be horribly confusing for the child and hurtful to me. They raised your daughter for 2.5 years, I would leave the name.

I hope I am not coming across as mean, that is definitely not my intention. Just trying to help.
post #11 of 70
Congrats, DB!

Definitely, take it slow. Get as much help as you can, especially in the beginning. Think of it as an adoption, because -- as Zubbles pointed out -- it IS a type of adoption, from your daughter's POV.

(As an aside to the non-Brits on the list, you probably know that nappies are diapers, but you might not know that dummies are pacifiers.)
post #12 of 70
Thread Starter 
post #13 of 70
Originally Posted by Diamond Baby View Post
What advice can you give me about bedtime, like routines and stuff?
And also abotu eating, would a 2 & 1/2 year-old still need a highchair? Or would a booster seat on a normal chair be ok?
Since your daughter is in a foster home, you should have the name of her social worker that can put you in touch with her foster mother. The foster mother will be a great partner in the transition and can tell you about her bed times, eating habits, clothing sizes, and all those other issues that will be good to know before her arrival. You can also find out what she has been told about her adoption and how she is reacting to it.

I just realized that you have picked up the rare title of "Adoptive Biological Mother!"
post #14 of 70
Thread Starter 
post #15 of 70
Wow, congrats hun!!! I would definitily take things VERY slow. I wouldn't do much the first few days/weeks but spend time with her and build a bond. I would let her sleep where she feels comfortable, whether its' with you, on her cot, or on the couch, with her paci or without (you get what i mean). I wouldn't push potty training, or anything else either. I'm sure you'll do fine
a booster seat should be fine for her age Maybe make it a point to go the the store after she's been with you a full day, that way you can judge what she needs.
post #16 of 70
I don't normally post here, but saw this on the most recent threads, and couldn't read and not post. You've gotten some great advice on how to deal with the beginnings of your daughter coming home.

As far as general parenting, I would pick up an ages and stages kind of book. The Sears series of books come to mind. Also, check out the life with a Babe and Toddlers forum for typical toddler and baby issues.
post #17 of 70
Thread Starter 
post #18 of 70
I just wanted to say good luck and take it slow. I like the idea of introducing yourself as mommy sarah.

I wonder if the social worker could put you in contact with a counselor that deals with toddlers and grief. You little girl has had changes that are going to be very hard for her.

She is beautiful
post #19 of 70
Wow. Congratulations.
post #20 of 70
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