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Roll call? - Page 3

post #41 of 181
First can I say that I love this forum! It's been a wealth of resources and advice for me.
I'm Ali, and I've always been a single mom. My daughter is 15 months, and I am a student. I have one more semester left, which I'm going to take online.
DD and I are relocating since I've just found the perfect job.
My ex and I have been separated since DD was born and it became apparent he wasn't going to be involved (he gave me $20 after she was born, I knew right then).
He's actually coming to visit in 10 days, for the 2nd time. I may need some support then!
DD and I lived with my dad for the first 6 months of her life, and then I was able to get our own place, and finally next month we are moving into a place I will be proud to call home.
And that's us in a nutshell.
post #42 of 181
hi I'm Joanna..single mom to anna (5) and katie (2)

i've been a single mom since december, when i left my husband. we were married for 7 years, together for 11. the marriage had ALOT of psychological abuse, verbal abuse and some physical abuse that began to get worse in the last two years. ex showed no interest in going to counselling or changing-so finally i left. he filed for divorce in january (although now he says he never wanted a divorce-well that's a little too late-I do)
he also filed a motion to have us forcibly returned to nevada-which i managed to get overturned.
i am waiting for our divorce to be finalized-i'm ready for this chapter in my life to be final. i am so thankful for my dd's yet i have recognized where i have made mistakes in marrying the kind of man i did and i'm ready to move on. i'm intherapy and am doing everything to become spiritually and mentally healthy again.
i don't date..yet. i'm giving myself at least one year before i step into that unfamiliar territory.
i have sole physical custody-we both have joint legal. he's finally paying his c/s although for the first 5 months we did not see a dime.
his contact with the girls is sporadic. he says he can't drive because it hurts his back (yet we drove up and down the california coastline last year: )
some weeks he calls, other times we go weeks without a call. i've taken the girls to see him twice but i'm at a point where i simply cannot afford to pay for the trips anymore--oh and did i mention that i reduced my c/s amount so he could afford travel expenses?
i guess that's whay i'm not married to him anymore.

we are thriving here in colorado. i am going back to school and i work part time doing PR for farmer's markets and festivals. my dd's are beginning to become involved in a waldorf school here-i love being back in a place that has access to nature (ex had moved us from our beautiful home and friends in seattle ti the ugly, ugly box suburbs of las vegas)
i find in interesting how simular alot of our stories are--lots of abuse, immature exes, ect..
oh and I absolutely LOVVVVVE this forum...
post #43 of 181
Originally Posted by Still_Snarky View Post
i bet few of us knew we had it in us, eh? somehow we survive it, thrive in spite of it.

I think this is a fabulous statement, Celeste.

For myself, my divorce has made me a stronger, better, even more loving and empathetic person.

Granted, I have also been divorced for a little over 3 years, so I have had time to go through the process, grieve my multiple loses and rediscover my inner strength and happiness.
post #44 of 181
i'm melanie. this is so strange to me. monday i was married, tuesday i was separated, soon i will file. i'm not sure how this single parenting thing will go, but i have lots of support irl and online. so far stbx and i have agreed to 50/50 custody across the board and it appears as though the divorce will go uncontested. we both love our dd very much and agreed it was best to get out now before she's older and we both harbor a lot of resentment towards the other. honestly, i never expected it to go so smoothly as it did when we separated yesterday. of course, these are only the first few days so time shall tell if we remain amicable. i'm betting that we will.
post #45 of 181
Originally Posted by mllrym View Post
Mom to a 22 month old Dd. I have never been married. The day I found out I was pregnant was the same day I met my boyfriend's (of 5 years) TWO other girlfriend..

I live about 1,000 miles away from my friends and family (except her dad) because of my job, so it is just Dd and I. I love it! I get her all to myself (yes, selfish ), I make all of the decisions for us.....we can do whatever we want!

The father (we are good friends now) comes to visit a couple of times a week about 15 minutes before she goes to bed.
We have done nothing through the courts (Cs or custody) and I hope we will never have to! I told him all I want is her, and if he can do that, I don't want any $$ from him.

Anyway, I love being a single mom !! Great thread!

if only everyone could have it that easy! it sounds like you're lucky to have a flexible ex who doesn't make you life difficult. hopefully it stays that way for you!
post #46 of 181
Thread Starter 
thought i'd give this one more
post #47 of 181
I'm Miranda, single mom to my 20-month old dd. We are living with my father right now, while I finish college (Education major). I was never married to her father, and we broke up when she was only 4 weeks old. I recieve child support every once in a while, but he cannot hold a job so....not very often (or much). Dd sees her father once a week for a couple of hours. Though sometimes I don't hear from him for a couple of weeks at a time. I know he is into drugs and has, apparently, been diagnosed schizophrenic (according to his mother). So, yeah, it's a whole lotta fun....(um, that was sarcasm.) Anyway, I love these boards so much, though I know I lurk way more than I post (gotta work on that...).
post #48 of 181
Hi. I'm Kim and I am a single mom to an almost 11 yr old dd and lots of furry babies. I have always been a single mom. We are originally from Canada but have been living in Maine for the past 5 years. I am a social worker and work for CPS.
post #49 of 181
For myself, my divorce has made me a stronger, better, even more loving and empathetic person.

Granted, I have also been divorced for a little over 3 years, so I have had time to go through the process, grieve my multiple loses and rediscover my inner strength and happiness. [/QUOTE]

I love what you've said here.

It's been 5 years for me. I continue to draw on the strength that I've discovered in all of this. There are good and bad time, but I believe very strongly that I made the best decision for my dc.
post #50 of 181
I'm Dar, mom to 14 year old Rain. I've always been a single mom. Right now I work teaching test prep classes and I'm in grad school full time. Rain's dad has never been a big part of her life, and currently we haven't seen him in almost 3 years or heard from him in almost 2. I'm fine with that...I like our family the way it is.

post #51 of 181
Thread Starter 
for the influx of new mamas.
post #52 of 181
Hi!! I'm me. I'm 22 (just had a birthday on the 11th!) My two children are DD, age 9, and DS, age 4. They have the same father, but I didn't give birth to DD, I have custody of her though. Did that make you : : ?

I've been a single mama for a year and a half now.
post #53 of 181
Thread Starter 
Hi Haydee and happy birthday! And yes: :
post #54 of 181
I should sign in...

Alison here, signing in from Ontario, Canada. I am the single Mama to Tobias, who is 8 months old. I have been a single Mom from the time of his conception. I am blessed in many ways because he has no father which means I have no worries about someone ever coming to fight me for custody or worrying about child support issues.

Right now I'm on a break from school, finished up my exams at the end of April for my first year of university and I'm starting again July 1st. As of August I hope to start doing in home daycare too so that I don't have to go back to work.

We are doing wonderfully. Being a single Mama has it's moments of hard, but I don't think I'd do it any other way!
post #55 of 181
I've been a single mom since Sept. 15th 2006. That's when I found out about my ex's infidelity. I have never experienced such rage and pain as I did, but I have gotten lots of help and worked my ass off to be HAPPY!

8 months later I feel awesome. My boys (3 and 9) are doing well.

I just started dating a great guy. He lives 4 hours away so it is great--makes it easy to keep my focus on me.

I'm in training for a new career that will be satisfying and lucrative!

AND, I met with a great attorney for the first time yesterday. He has an awesome reputation--he basically said "poor dumbass". And he saw how broke I am and gave me a killer price on a d. I was speechless. Really speechless--I kissed him! (grandfatherly type) So I will be able to do the deed anytime after September.
post #56 of 181
I this forum. I single mamas.

I'm just checkin' in, too. I know I don't post all that often but I really, really relate to almost all the threads posted here and love that we have this space to share together.

My name is Jennifer and I began my mothering journey as a single mama 12.5 years ago with my first child. Her dad and I split up during pregnancy. I did marry when she was 5 but then split with my second child's (from that marriage) dad several times and then finally on July 4, 2005 (very-much-about independence day!). He and I have a good working friendship at this point, but it's taken years to get there and copious amounts of distance and boundaries.

Every morning when I wake up I feel a bursting gratitude to have my home be just the way I want it to be emotionally ~ to know that this space is safe and nurturing and that I'm not settling for anything less in the area of emotional well-being for me and my children.
post #57 of 181

Roll call

I just posted my story here a couple days ago, but adding it to this thread, since we're doing a roll call. Like many of you, my STBX announced out of the blue after 12 years and four kids that he no longer wants to be married. My kids and I are moving from Seattle to OKC next month, so that I will be closer to my family support. I can't afford to support them here in Seattle as a single parent without moving to the ghetto. In OKC they can have a nice home and good schools for what I can afford to pay for rent.

I hope the kids' dad will continue to see them regularly, we'll see. He is in a place right now of just wanting to have no one to worry about but himself, so I expect it will mostly be me and my kids once we move. I have lots of family there, though, so we'll have support from extended family, and we'll make it. He's not a terribly involved father anyhow -- spends way more time on his computer IMing his various girlfriends than interacting with them. When I told the kids we were moving to Oklahoma and their dad is staying here, they didn't seem to particularly care, as long as they have me with them.

This forum is a great place for support, but it also makes me sad to see so many other women going through this -- men who leave 10, 12 years into a relationship? Don't they get that sustaining a marriage takes work? Are they all just little boys inside? Sheesh.
post #58 of 181
I really don't post much, but I read here a lot... Since there is a roll call I thought now would be a good time to introduce myself.

My name is Stephanie, I am 31 and I have one ds, Phineas, he is 6. I broke up with my H in March of last year. It wasn't a horrible relationship, he is a decent fellow, we are just too different/not compatible. He is atheist, I am not (not religious, but spirituality is a very important part of my life, also have great interest in ETs on a spiritual level, I know, thats pretty much too far out there for most people) - the beginning of the end was when he told me when ds was a baby that he didn't want me sharing any of my beliefs with our son. That didn't fly with me, although I let it go for a few years. We are both happier being apart. Ds was born almost a month before the anniversary of our first date and we were married 6 weeks later, so things happened way too fast. I wish we hadn't gotten married in the first place, I blame it on hormones & the craziness of being a new mom. Ex has been with his current girlfriend for almost a year now and they seem very happy together. Haven't yet started the actual divorce, but I hope to sometime within the next year.

Ds and I moved into my friends guest house a few weeks ago, she is also a single mom and so far it's been great! It's awesome to have help and support right there (for both of us) and the kids love living with friends. I think it's an ideal situation.

I work from home, in fact,that is what I am supposed to be doing right now, so I should get back to it. Just wanted to check in.

p.s. Hi Jennifer (May May)! I didn't know it was you til I clicked on your myspace - long time no see!
post #59 of 181
Hi, I'm Lavender, and I posted an introduction about a week or so ago, but here goes again... I am one year single, and happy to be! It's been a rollercoaster of a year emotionally, especially because it's been to hard on my younger ds. He, like me, hates, loathes, and despises any kind of change. So, we've all done a lot of crying... With the sun finally peeking out here in Oregon, we are doing much better and things are looking up.

I am 37 and left a marriage of 11 years. My two sons are 11 and 9, and I have spent the last 11 years as a sahm and homeschooling mom. They are just finishing their first year in public school and have excelled (pats self on back) and I have my first job in years. I recently began work as a teacher's aid and am making enough that with cs we don't have to eat lentils every day, but the budget is very tight. Almost all that we have is going into buying a house, which I hope is a good investment come graduation and college, plus it gets us out of our little "box" apartment!

I am making every effort to maintain a good relationship with xh (and yes it takes a LOT of effort), and it is true that we get along better as coparents than we did when we were married. The boys are with him every other weekend and every other Wed. They'll be with him every other week in summer and I'm already feeling that pain....and worry...he plays with them but is severely lacking in the "care" part of parenting... I hate it.

I am in a new relationship now to someone I feel a deep connection to and who adores me too, and though we are both very committed to each other, I have been very clear from the beginning: I Don't Want To Get Married Again!!!

Xh is already engaged.
post #60 of 181
I'm a 44 year old single mother by choice to a 3.75 year old boy. My pregnancy with him was unintended, but I chose to have him knowing I'd be a single mom. I hadn't been pining to have a kid before having him, but I feel so blessed because of it!

It has been hard, but we're doing all right. We just moved into a cheaper and yet nicer place, with lots of kids Sprogly's age around. We have a stable, loving daycare situation. Sprogly's healthy and thriving, and I'm surviving.

I don't post a lot in the SP forum, just now and then, but anyway, that's me.
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