Leaving my BF 6 month old?

[Amris]

I don't want to leave DD with my MIL for 2 days while I go to a wedding in NY state. DH doesn't want to drive with her there and back.

I can't explain to him why I don't want to leave her, why I don't want to be away from her. (The "BFing thing" is the only thing he understands- but she'll take a bottle without complaint, so it's "weak") And I can't explain why leaving her for that long feels like "abandoning her" because of her limited understanding.

The thing is, she already shows a lot of separation anxiety... I just think that will worsen it.

I don't know what to tell him, but he's pretty irritated by my reluctance.

Am I just being inflexible?

[alegna]

No. You are being perfectly logical. It's not appropriate for a 6mo old infant to be away from mom overnight.

I would put my foot down.

-Angela

[earthmama369]

I'd be pretty irritated by his unwillingness to try to understand your point of view.

There's NO WAY I would have left either of my kiddos that young to go to a wedding. They would have come with us. Heck, I still wouldn't leave either of them for 2 days without a very strong reason.

He may consider the breastfeeding argument "weak," but I would consider not wanting to drive with your child "weak." So you might have to stop for a couple nursing breaks. If you were still pregnant and had to stop for some extra bathroom breaks, would he complain about that?

Six months is a common age for separation anxiety to ramp up. As a parent, you're not only responsible for your child's physical well-being, but for her emotional well-being as well. Babies know their parents and being separated -- overnight at that! -- can be extremely stressful, which isn't good for them physically OR emotionally. It's not good for mama, either. I don't see you being particularly comfortable even with pumping for 2 days -- your breasts are going to hurt! It wouldn't be worth the worry to endanger my milk supply by not nursing for so long. Aside from the fact that I would be really anxious about being separated from my baby for so long and wouldn't be able to enjoy the wedding or my husband's company anyway.

[kochanyk]

Originally Posted by alegna

No. You are being perfectly logical. It's not appropriate for a 6mo old infant to be away from mom overnight.

I would put my foot down.

-Angela

COMPLETELY agree. Has she ever taken a bottle? My 6 mo won't take one period. We've driven 19 hrs w/both kids 4x (from San Diego to Oregon) & just stop every 2 hrs, nurse, stretch, it's not as bad as one would think!

[GooeyRN]

I wouldn't leave a 6 month old for that long, personally.

[Ruthla]

If you needed to be away from the baby for 5 hours during the wedding itself, and you felt anxious about that separation, your feelings would be 100% legitimate. That length of time away from the baby is still very do-able but a bit of a hassle with pumping and such.

I would never leave a 6mo baby for 2 entire days unless there was absolutely no way around it. Does your DH have any idea how much pumping is involved in leaving the baby for 2 whole days? Or the risk of the baby getting too attached to the bottle and not readily going back to nursing? Or the risk to you of your milk supply going down and/or plugged ducts/mastitis from ineficient pumping? It's really, really hard to keep up your supply from pumping alone- it's very different from pumping occasionally, or even all day and then nursing at night.

Even if I wasn't able to BF for whatever reason, I'd never leave a 6mo for 2 whole days. I wouldn't even leave a child overnight before toddlerhood. That's just too long. The baby isn't ready, and neither is the mommy.

If I were in your situation, I'd either take the baby with me out of town, or stay home.

[BakerALM]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Does your DH have any idea how much pumping is involved in leaving the baby for 2 whole days? Or the risk of the baby getting too attached to the bottle and not readily going back to nursing? Or the risk to you of your milk supply going down and/or plugged ducts/mastitis from ineficient pumping? It's really, really hard to keep up your supply from pumping alone- it's very different from pumping occasionally, or even all day and then nursing at night.

I pump fulltime and this is ALL true! Don't run the risk of messing up your BFing relationship! You could have a much bigger problem to come home to (ie NIPPLE PREFERENCE) if you chance it. Nevermind the fact that leaving a baby for 2 whole days is a llong time for someone that little. Being a babies mama is a lot more than just BFing and he should understand that and want the babe to come so you both can be close. :

[Amris]

She will take a bottle, yes. Every time she gets one (even only one), she tends to get really fussy for the next few feedings when the instant gratification is missing. I worry about a whole day and a little over a half. She eats a LOT, very often. Plus right now she sleeps through the night.

I don't really want to upset either.

But more than that, I just can't imagine being away from her for that long. It leaves me feeling empty. Heck, even a couple hours can have me feeling anxious to be with her again!

[katheek77]

If you're uncomfortable with it, then don't do it.

My daughter visits the in-laws for a four-day weekend each month, and I just send the milk up with her, but I pump. She's been doing this since she was four months. I think it depends on you and your child, though. My mom was able to leave me overnight as a small baby and I had no problems, but my sister wouldn't stay overnight ANYWHERE (even with g-ma) until she was about 4/5

At six months, it seems perfectly reasonable to say you don't want to leave your baby overnight...and I'm obviously not very conservative as far as that issue.

[rebelbets]

No way would I leave my BF 6-month-old for two nights. Your DH is being unreasonable by expecting you to do this. Your BFing argument is anything but "weak." Having to pump for two days and forcing your daughter to take a bottle for two days could have a negative impact on your nursing relationship. Totally not worth it. A few hours - fine. Two days? No way, no how.

[Amris]

Well, part of my issue is that she gets really scared of anyone at first. Then after they've been around for a few hours, she'll let them pick her up. Not very long after that, though, she's over it. She starts fussing until she gets back to me.

I just can't see how that'll go if I'm nowhere to be found. I mean... she starts looking for mommy, and mommy's not there? : Ouch.

[veganf]

You're not being inflexible, you're being a mother. And you sound like a good one. Ignore your husband's comments. Tell him you'll go with the baby or you and the baby will be staying at home. No way I'd leave a 6 month old of mine overnight with anyone (even my wonderful husband) unless it was the direst emergency.

[moondiapers]

I'd cancel and not go at all if he wasn't willing to have her there.

[christyp]

I'd send my DH to the event alone.

I wonder if maybe DH is hinting that he needs more time with you and thinking this is a way for him to get some solo attention?

[Nan'sMom]

No, you are listening to the needs of your baby and being reasonable. Try to get a time to sit and explain how you feel. I have decided not to attend several events in order to avoid separation of even a few hours from my young children, so I can totally relate! If you can't drive with her, then maybe opt not to attend?

[RootSnort]

If you're not comfortable, don't do it. Wait until you can't wait to get out that door!

I tried to spend my first night away from my baby at 6 months, and it was too early for me. He was fine, but I was a wreck, and it made it harder for me to leave him overnight when we WERE both ready. Now at 13 months, I can only be away for 2 nights before I can't stand it. Again, he's fine with it, the problem is all mine. But it's a real problem!

[attachedmamaof3]

I wanted to respond without reading any of the other posts.

No, I don't think you're being inflexible. I would feel the same way and under no circumstances would I allow anyone to talk me out of it. Period.

[boheime]

Don't do it.

[rmzbm]

: Don't do it.

[wifeandmom]

Originally Posted by alegna

No. You are being perfectly logical. It's not appropriate for a 6mo old infant to be away from mom overnight.

I would put my foot down.

-Angela

Things aren't always so black and white, at least not in *my* world.

While I absolutely agree that I'd put my foot down if we're talking about a wedding (I wouldn't want to drive for an extended period of time with a 6 month old any more than I'd want to leave a 6 month old behind), there ARE circumstances where mom might actually NEED to be away overnight.

My fourth child, now 5.5 months old, will be left overnight sometime in the next week while I stay with my third child, 4.5 years old, at a sleep lab for an overnight sleep study to determine if he has sleep apnea. I wouldn't *choose* to leave her for recreational purposes, but I think between the two, the baby will be less traumatized by being away from me in this particular situation.