Is a Woman ever truly done???

[NaturalMommaof3+1]

Help me Mommas!
I am heading into a bit of depression on and off. It's not constant yet, I am fighting it and getting out in the sunshine helps. But I am seriously battling this feeling.

Are we ever truly done having babies do you think? can we just switch off that maternal instinct? I don't think I can. I feel depressed when I think that I will never be pregnant again and that I will never have a newborn from hubby and I in my arms again. I just want to cry! I am enjoying Kaila-Rose sooo much and love her to peices. The thought that she is my last baby almost breaks my heart. This is one reason I have been over-eating since I had her. I am feeling like I need to fill a void by eating. And I am eating total junk!!
I know that I have to be reasonable, I have ALOT on my plate and I am in my mid 30's and truly my body is petered out....I mean I have 3 children 4 and under!!! But I just love the babies that hubby and I produce and I see and feel so much love when we look at this precious human that we have created with Gods help. Maybe it's the fact that this was a twin pregnancy and we should have TWO little girls in our arms right now.......I'm not sure. But closing the door just doesn't feel right....even though I know we have to. I honestly think I would continue having babies until I was 50 if I could! Lol!
Thanks for listening to me! I know this door has to be closed.....but it's so not easy! *sniff*

[crysmomofthree]

s

sounds a lot like how i feel. We won't be having any more babies for lots of reasons
my body doesn't seem to do well with pregnancies, I have to fight to get to term
The one time I get to term and think i'm home free with a healthy baby I end up with a baby with a baby that needed a full cpr resucitation
too much stress and worry if the baby is going to be okay
my body is tired out from having 5 kids
we can't really afford to have any more
we don't really have room for more
I'm finding it really hard to balance the needs of my older two boys with the needs of three little ones

all this and I still feel like I should have more babies, still feel like what are we going to do when the babies grow up my husband is going to get a vasectomy so it will definately be permanent soon

I'm trying to focus on the positives but it doesn't erase the maternal desire for more babies

[Debstmomy]

I used to feel like you. I never felt done, until I had Abby. Now I KNOW I am done. I am not really sure what changed it. I believe it is from the worrisome pregnancy & my lactation issues. I do not want that stress in my life again. I feel complete now that Abby is here.
I think that this is a VERY PERSONAL issue. Only you & your Dh can decide this together. When you know, you know. I say if you are in doubt then you are not ready. Still does not make is easy, I know.

[stanleymama]

I thought Jack was going to be our last, but now that he is here, well, I really think we will have more. I think you should just give yourself some time before you make a final decision, especially since you feel so torn over it. I also believe that you will have peace when you know you are done. Just take it a day at a time and don't close the door on more littles yet. s

[darsmama]

I agree 100% with what Deb said.

's to you

[clavicula]

, mama! yes, just take one day at a time, and rest! i am sure you will know, how to decide!

[mum4boys]

I can so understand that feeling. During my c-section my dr. told me my uterus was very thin and then my abdominal wall had separated and needed resutured and the pregnancy was not fun at all. I told dh I am done about two hours after Maggie was born and then an hour later I was bawling that Maggie would never have a baby sister. I have never ever said was done before. I am not sure I could do another pregnancy. I love Maggie so much but each day she gets bigger I am like I am never going to have a newborn, a one day old etc. Crazy I know.

[koru]

naturalmomma, do you think your depression is soley around the concept of not having more children? i worry that you might be slipping into PPD with this as your focal point. whatever the case, share your thoughts with dh & keep him posted so he knows what's going on. PPD is most likely noticed by family & friends....it's hard for us to be objective.

i felt this way after both my girls (longing for another baby right away) but as soon as i became pregnant with this little guy i had a feeling of being done. i wonder if it will remain?

[veganbaby]

Hugs! I agreee with the PP that it may be PPD.

[chrissy]

i am already struggling with this too and my baby is still on the inside. dh definitely wants this to be our last. i want to want this to be our last, but i really think i am going to want more.

is your husband willing to wait a little while to get the V or he is insisting on doing it right away?

[Eaglevoice]

This is going to be our last baby, too. It is definitely a hard door to close. Just make sure that you are honest and open with dh about your feelings. You really need to get all of those feelings out and be heard. Food is one of the first things I turn to when I'm feeling sad, and unfortunately it's one of the most destructive things for me. I feel sad, so I eat, then I look in the mirror and see that I'm not looking all that hot, so that makes me sad and I eat some more. I did that after I had dd because I didn't have any sort of support system around me and I felt very isolated and alone with my brand new baby. This time around I am vowing to myself to not let that happen. Like you said, just getting out in the sunshine makes a huge difference. So I would try to get your body and mind in sync by getting out of the house with your babes and getting a little bit of exercise. That will increase your endorphin level and help you feel better in general. Take care of yourself, mama. Remember that your kiddos need you and in order for you to be the best mama for them, you need to make sure you're in a good space. If you think you might be teetering on PPD, don't wait to get help. It's such a common thing, and yet it's such a taboo thing in this country. Take good care of yourself so that you can enjoy this time with your kiddos and heal from your loss.

I'm sort of giving myself a pep talk while I'm writing this, because I think it's important to remember that while we all are super strong mamas, there is just nothing you can do sometimes when you're up against those post partum hormones. Sending you lots of love and healing thoughts

[NaturalMommaof3+1]

Thank you all so much! You have given me a lot to think about. I wonder if you are right.....maybe it is a mild form of PPD and the thoughts of never being pregnant again are feeding it. My home right now is such a cluttered mess and I feel depressed looking at it. And yet I can't clean it the way I'd like yet. Getting out in the sun helps, but when I come home and face reality, I sink again. And baby girl is growing so fast, I'm trying to enjoy every moment on an exausted level, I don't want to miss a thing. I haven't talked with hubby about holding off on the V because I think he is "done" and I feel bad bringing up how I am feeling. I really think a woman is never truly done! Because I would have 6 children if I could......and then I still might not feel done. My Mom, who's in her 50's says she still dreams of being pregnant at night, even though she's been through the change and still has that instinct. I guess I am the same way. I wish I had started having children sooner because my Mom is constantly telling me how old I am.

[Slingin'Momto4]

I know exactly how you feel I had a hard, difficult labor and delivery even though we were at home with Ceci (this baby) and just feel like I can't go thru labor/delivery again, this is my 6th child in 10 yrs and I am 30, I feel like my body is giving me a sign that its tired. Everytime I think about not having anymore babies I get sad and cry and wonder if I am doing the right thing, DH is totally done but I have not said or told DH about my feelings at all. I think I am fighting a little baby blues as well. I just can't imagine never having a newborn, being PG or giving birth again, it makes me really sad You are not alone...

[NaturalMommaof3+1]

(((((((((((((hugs sweetie)))))))))))))