: However, without attacking the OP-- and hoping the OP hears me-- I remember she identifies herself as a "new mom." I remember very well when I had a first baby who had not even reached the toddler stage yet. I had mothering instinct enough for twelve women but *not enough experience* <--- (that's the critical point) to have humility and genuine, nonjudgmental compassion for other mothers. I remember having been told that when I had a child, I would finally understand my mother. I spent about the first four years of my son's life feeling that that was a complete joke. If anything, I felt angrier than ever at my mother because I believed I was a far superior mother to her, and I couldn't reconcile why she had allowed herself to be so mediocre.
In retrospect-- and this is something I think is going on with the OP-- I needed to prove to myself that I was a good mom, and one way to validate this was to do a lot of things that were the opposite of what my mother did. I could say, there, my mother never made her own organic baby food, but today I did, and that makes me feel good inside and, on the sliding scale inside my mind, it places me higher than my own mother. I'm not defending that as showing great depth of character-- I'm saying, I admit it, I think that way sometimes and I know I'm not the only one. I believe the OP is truly concerned about these children, but I also think it's possible that seeing those things as possibly-reportable validates to her that she is not THAT kind of mother. I can't blame her at all IF this is the case, because I might have felt the same way when I was a new mother. So I would say, no, I wouldn't report those things, but I wouldn't attack her for her line of thinking.
To feel like "I've been there too," you need to have actually had experiences where your kid was the screamer in the grocery store-- where you grabbed your preschooler by his collar in Target and threatened to make him very, very sorry if he doesn't stop bleeping whining by the count of three-- where you got so preoccupied talking to your friends at a party that your baby climbed into the swimming pool and had to be returned by your neighbor's older child who fortunately is more on-the-ball than you are. I've known very few mothers who possessed much humility before their child turned three. I certainly wasn't one of them.
Wow, that was perfect. Well said.