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Concerned about dd friend's attire

post #1 of 63
Thread Starter 
My 10 yo dd has made friends with a girl in her class at school. The girl is friendly, but in my opinion she dresses too mature for her age-she is more mature physically than my daughter. She wears the pants with words on her rear, and spaghetti straps that show way too much. I overheard my older son making some comments about her which made me even more determined to do something. I BARELY know this child's parents. Is there a tactful way to tell them about my concern, or should I just keep quiet and make sure my daughter doesn't copy her?

Shan
post #2 of 63
I don't think there's anything you can say - or should say. She's not sneaking out and putting these clothes on (or you don't say she is) so I assume they bought the clothes and know what she's wearing. Frankly, I would be really ticked if someone decided to have a talk with me about the appropriateness of my daughter's clothes. That's their call to make.

I don't know what to tell you if your daughter starts to try to copy the friend or try out her style, but I would not speak to the friend or her parents about her clothes. That's really their call.

You might consider speaking to your son about the appropriateness of making comments about young girl's bodies and clothes.
post #3 of 63
I think that saying something to the girl's parents is a really good way to get a mom and dad extremely angry. Honestly, there isn't a tactful way to talk to her parents about this. And honestly, don't even try to find one!

I can understand being concerned that her clothing choices will rub off on your dd, but that's something easily handled by the explanation something like, "We don't allow clothes like that because we feel they're too revealing for a girl your age. Yes, I know her parents do - but we don't."

Is the girl wearing this clothing at school? Our dress code doesn't allow things like that.
post #4 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post

You might consider speaking to your son about the appropriateness of making comments about young girl's bodies and clothes.
That is exactly what I was going to say.
post #5 of 63
Take a step back and read what you've written. You think it's your business to decide what other people's children should wear, but you're not saying anything to your son?

I agree- it's none of your business what the girl is wearing. You should be concerned with your son.

-Angela
post #6 of 63
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post #7 of 63
while i agree that you really shouldn't say anything to the girl's parents about her clothes, i don't think you need to give your son the 3rd degree about his comment either.

did he say something to her? what exactly did he say? i dought his comment was any more inappropriate than her clothing. (meaning both are fine as long as he didn't say anything mean or sexual to her)
post #8 of 63
Quote:
i don't think you need to give your son the 3rd degree about his comment either.
I was thinking along the lines of don't judge a book by it's cover, girls that age are just finding themselves, they take every comment to heart, it's just not nice to comment on a young girl's body or clothes, etc. I'm not saying you need to sign him up for sensitivity training or anything. It's just a good teaching moment.
post #9 of 63
With all due respect, it's none of your business what she wears. I would talk to my son about his comments though.
post #10 of 63
well thats were these groovy girl dolls come in isnt it..
maybe offer the little girl a sweater. tell her she looks COLD..
just make sure you tell your daughter thats not the way you'd like to see her dress.. and comeon ladies,, boys will be boys.. i mean theres no excuse but really if you wear a top that shows your clevage are you going to get mad if a guy looks.. what do they excpect.........
post #11 of 63
Boys will be boys? And what do you expect if you wear certain clothes?

I expect parents to teach their sons to respect women. This isn't about looking, it's about comments. And actions. Your post sounds like the old, well she deserved to get raped, did you see what she was wearing......
post #12 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4@38 View Post
and comeon ladies,, boys will be boys..
Sure, if you have rock-bottom low expectations of someone's behavior, they'll usually live up to it.
post #13 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4@38 View Post
and comeon ladies,, boys will be boys.. i mean theres no excuse but really if you wear a top that shows your clevage are you going to get mad if a guy looks.. what do they excpect.........
EXCUSE ME? We should teach our daughters that they deserve to be treated like dirt if they wear the wrong thing? And we should teach our boys that we expect them to be pigs?

-Angela
post #14 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4@38 View Post
well thats were these groovy girl dolls come in isnt it..
and comeon ladies,, boys will be boys.. i mean theres no excuse but really if you wear a top that shows your clevage are you going to get mad if a guy looks.. what do they excpect.........
That saying ("boys will be boys") hurts my heart as a mother of two boys. What I think it really means when people say it is "boys are rough/dumb/horny/clumsy/insert negative adjectives here and they can't help it."

Is this what you meant?

Also, I don't think the problem is that he *looked* it is that he apparently made an inappropriate comment.
post #15 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemomma View Post
That saying ("boys will be boys") hurts my heart as a mother of two boys. What I think it really means when people say it is "boys are rough/dumb/horny/clumsy/insert negative adjectives here and they can't help it."

Is this what you meant?

Also, I don't think the problem is that he *looked* it is that he apparently made an inappropriate comment.
I m sorry i didnt mean to offend you. I have two boys also, alot older then yours. again i apolgise. .Im not saying the are rough/dumb/horny/clumsy at all. just they do become men and if you think about it,, what is the only thing they think about. I have never met a man that doesnt constantly think of sex..where do you think the term comes from..
post #16 of 63
I am going to rock the boat a little.

What if the girls parents don't know how she is dressed? Maybe her parents have guidelines for certain clothes and she is breaking the "rules" at your house. I think you should try to build a friendship with the parents and then maybe later bring up the clothes. Who knows they could be really cool people!

I also think that we need to teach our boys to respect woman.
post #17 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4@38 View Post
I m sorry i didnt mean to offend you. I have two boys also, alot older then yours. again i apolgise. .Im not saying the are rough/dumb/horny/clumsy at all. just they do become men and if you think about it,, what is the only thing they think about. I have never met a man that doesnt constantly think of sex..where do you think the term comes from..
Wow- sorry that's your opinion of half of the population.

-Angela
post #18 of 63
I guess it's a lot easier to write boys off than it is to raise them properly, and a lot easier to excuse bad behavior than to challenge it.
post #19 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4@38 View Post
I m sorry i didnt mean to offend you

Thank you for apologizing, although it was not necessary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 4@38 View Post
I I have never met a man that doesnt constantly think of sex..
REALLY? CONSTANTLY? I would guess that you are wrong here- that the men in your life have many complex, deep, and diverse thoughts, only one of which is sex.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 4@38 View Post
where do you think the term comes from..
I'm assuming you mean the saying "boys will be boys." I don't know where it comes from. Probably the same place that says "girls are sugar and spice and all things nice." :
post #20 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4@38 View Post
I m sorry i didnt mean to offend you. I have two boys also, alot older then yours. again i apolgise. .Im not saying the are rough/dumb/horny/clumsy at all. just they do become men and if you think about it,, what is the only thing they think about. I have never met a man that doesnt constantly think of sex..where do you think the term comes from..
I'm dumbfounded as well. You ARE saying - at the very least - that they're horny all the time. Well, so are a lot of girls. That doesn't mean making rude or derogatory comments (and OP didn't say just what it was her son said, so my apologies if it's being mischaracterized) is okay. There are actually men who are able to moderate what they say - they're not all horny boobs who can't control themselves.
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