Concerned about dd friend's attire - Page 3

[Potty Diva]

Yes you did- way to early for me

I think "sexually hot" should be reserved for those who can handle the emotional and physical obligation of the label, and not for emotionally vulnerable pubescent girls (or boys for that matter).

Sexual attractiveness isn't something that should be hidden. Unfortunately for early developing girls these assets often confuse them, single them out, and cause confusion (not true for early developing boys who are generally respected and praised as if physical maturity=fully mature).

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by captivatedlife

Little Girl: how are you doing... yada yada. How's school - what are you learning. I really like your shoes today - don't you love how ballet slippers make your feet feel like..... how about dd, you and I look through some of the clothing mags... And when you are looking though talk about the history of womens clothing from bras, ect. Maybe point out some clothes and how men make comments and it sucks but we can't eradicate them from the face of the earth can we: !

This is what you are advising someone say to a child that is not their own???

I have a 10 year old DD who wears shirts with spag straps, and if you talked to her this way, she would never ever go over to your house again. Becuase YOU have hang ups with a child's shoulders is NO reason to talk to my DD about "how men make comments."

Good luck, you may be the only adult who models your form of "appropriate behavior" for her.

As the mother of a 10 year old who wears tanks, spag straps and such, this is just offensive.

Originally Posted by pigpokey

foolish to send a signal that is a clear biological sex invite when you don't intend to follow through.

I'm really fuzzy on how wearing spag. straps does this.

My point of view is jaded by the fact that we homeschool, and the most time we spend around my kids peers is at swim practice/swim meets -- and all the kids wear swim suits. And nobody is hung up on their bodies. The boys are wearing tunks and the girls and wearing racing suits and the kids are more concerned with their events than each other bodies.

[pigpokey]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I'm really fuzzy on how wearing spag. straps does this.

Oh, I don't think it does as much as a lot of other things. (If the girl is showing her pit hair, that's a bit more showy than if she shaves them, for example.)

But we do a lot of things to emphasize areas of the body that advertise fertility. Signs of fertility draw people to each other sexually.

Words on round hiney draw the eye to said hiney. The roundness is a sign of fertility. Thus, its turn on potential.

Lipstick emphasizes the lips. Round, full lips are a sign of high estrogen levels.

And so forth.

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

Originally Posted by pigpokey

Oh, I don't think it does as much as a lot of other things. (If the girl is showing her pit hair, that's a bit more showy than if she shaves them, for example.)

as a natural body hair kinda woman, i am totally lost about this. can you clarify for me? showing vs. shaving pit hair is sexually showy? i've never heard this before....

[pigpokey]

Originally Posted by Unoppressed MAMA Q

as a natural body hair kinda woman, i am totally lost about this. can you clarify for me? showing vs. shaving pit hair is sexually showy? i've never heard this before....

It's a visual marker of sexual maturity. IMO this is one of the main reasons behind the fashion of shaving the armpit. It's too sexy for general consumption.

[Houdini]

Originally Posted by 4@38

I m sorry i didnt mean to offend you. I have two boys also, alot older then yours. again i apolgise. .Im not saying the are rough/dumb/horny/clumsy at all. just they do become men and if you think about it,, what is the only thing they think about. I have never met a man that doesnt constantly think of sex..where do you think the term comes from..

Seriously....you think every guy constantly thinks about sex. I can assure you that isn't the case for my husband. I find it completely insane that there are still people who have this line of thinking.:

[meowee]

I tell my girls my honest opinion about skimpy clothes-- I think it's rude to walk around half naked-- but I tell them they are free to make their own decisions about clothes. Anyway I don't consider thin straps or words on the derriere skimpy. I consider half-an-inch-more-and-it-would-be-nudity skimpy. That is just my personal opinion, I find a lot ofthings offensive others might not. I realize I am subjective and I don't expect my girls to think like I do.

[Potty Diva]

meowee- do/would you say the same thing regarded being half-nude with your sons?

[Adastra]

I think what's disturbing about a young girl wearing revealing clothes is that adults realize (and she doesn't) that she's making herself attractive not only to boys that are her peers but to boys/men that are inappropriately older.

I remember finding that out at 14 or 15 and being horrified.

[Marcee]

I would really just focus on what is going on in my "own" home! I would talk to my son and discuss with my daughter what is appropriate for "our" family and our views. And if the clothing was extreme I would limit contact between the 2 girls. Our dress code does not allow for skimpy shorts, tank tops, shorts skirts, or words on bottoms. I really dont think that those things are school appropriate "for my children" and I fully enforce those rules in "my" home!

[Emzachsmama]

It would not at all be appropriate for you to talk to the other girls parents. All you can do is enforce your own dress codes for your own kids...its not really any of your business what the other girl is wearing.

[MamaRhi]

I was one of those early developed girls and I can tell you without a doubt that if any mother expressed her distaste with my clothing because of this I would be mortified. It is hard enough to have an ackward developing body at such a young age. My gawd, don't make her life worse.

Second, my 8-y-o DD loves to wear spaghetti strap camis and yoga pants. With her belly covered she seems to be wearing appropriate and comfortable attire IMO. However, I once ran into Mervyn's to buy her a quick change after a fall in the ocean and all I could find was a pair of pink yoga style pants WITH WORDS ON THE REAR. I cringed, not wanting to advertise a brand, but bought them for the poor cold girl in the car. She loved those pants and wore them till her ankles showed. I find this outfit hardly skimpy. Walk into a yoga studio full of grown women, they usually wear spaghetti straps and tight butted yoga pants, sometimes even with words on them.

Children do not sexualize themselves so much as adults do it for them. Boys and girls should be able to dress comfortably, not worry about sex, and kept away from adults who obsess over the sexualization of children's bodies.

If you decide to talk to a child's parents about their clothing/appearance, please remember that not all of us crunchy granola, natural family living parents are cut from the same mold.

[Tishie]

The modern practice of women shaving body hair was invented by the makers of disposable razors to sell twice as many razors. It was marketed in a classist way to help wealthier women distinguish themselves from poor women. I imagine it was also tied to the never-ending push for women to be perpetually infantilized - sexualized for appearing childlike.

Anyway, I agree with many other posters - the biggest problem I saw in the OP was the son's comment. Girls should not be made to feel responsible for the feelings of boys and men. They aren't.

[terrordactyl]

Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog

I guess it's a lot easier to write boys off than it is to raise them properly, and a lot easier to excuse bad behavior than to challenge it.

:

[terrordactyl]

Originally Posted by Tishie

The modern practice of women shaving body hair was invented by the makers of disposable razors to sell twice as many razors. It was marketed in a classist way to help wealthier women distinguish themselves from poor women. I imagine it was also tied to the never-ending push for women to be perpetually infantilized - sexualized for appearing childlike.

Anyway, I agree with many other posters - the biggest problem I saw in the OP was the son's comment. Girls should not be made to feel responsible for the feelings of boys and men. They aren't.

actually women shaving their body hair dates back to the ancient Egypt times
link1
link2
link3

[Tishie]

That's why I used the specifier "modern."

[Tishie]

PS: Those links and this handy timeline seem to agree with my statement.

CLICK

[Mamma Mia]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

I don't think there's anything you can say - or should say. She's not sneaking out and putting these clothes on (or you don't say she is) so I assume they bought the clothes and know what she's wearing. Frankly, I would be really ticked if someone decided to have a talk with me about the appropriateness of my daughter's clothes. That's their call to make.

I don't know what to tell you if your daughter starts to try to copy the friend or try out her style, but I would not speak to the friend or her parents about her clothes. That's really their call.

You might consider speaking to your son about the appropriateness of making comments about young girl's bodies and clothes.

Yeah. All of that, but especially the last part.

[Mamma Mia]

Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog

I guess it's a lot easier to write boys off than it is to raise them properly, and a lot easier to excuse bad behavior than to challenge it.

For real.

[helen_emily]

Phew, what a debate MDC ladies can get into!

All the questions of the "would you say that if it were a son" variety seem very one sided.
Of course if OP son made an inappropriate comment then that needs to be addressed - but she didn't say inappropriate! He may just have been saying "gee, (friend) sure dresses in a mature way". I think a lot of women (esp online where it is hard to understand the intent behind a comment) are quick to jump to judgment!

Would you guys be getting so worked up if OP said "I even overheard my daughter commenting"?


OP: As many have said, I doubt there is any good that could come of you speaking to another child's parents about the way she dresses. If someone tried to tell you how your daughter could dress, wouldn't you feel upset?
However, you could always chat with them about how you are finding it hard to adjust to DD wanting to dress in a more adult way (or something) and find out the friend's parent's side of the argument.
There are tactful ways to go about it - everyone seems to think you will be rude with it, whereas I'm sure you could come off as more curious than offensive!