Originally Posted by polihaupt
I have a HUUUUUUUGE problem with that statement
Maybe you don't know this, but in countries like Denmark it is very common for parents to leave their babies sleeping outside in the pram while they go in the shops or cafe briefly. Saying that parents who do that are no connected to their own child and should know better is very judgemental and undermines the different culture and local situation.
To explain why leaving a baby outside in a pram seems disconnected to me -- I guess I should share my experience with my own babies. Both had an intensive need to be snuggled close to me; neither enjoyed the stroller 'til about age 2, when I tried it again 'cause it was getting too hard to wear them for long walks.
Even when they DID start liking it, it would never occur to me to feel safe leaving them outside while I shopped. And, in my experience, sleeping babies/children sometimes wake up sooner than expected and are frightened if they don't see Momma. So, even if I felt 100% safe leaving my sleeping child outside the store (and, as I said, I can't imagine ever feeling safe doing that) -- I still would never take the risk of her waking up, looking around, and seeing nothing but strangers. How scary!
It just doesn't seem "connected" to me to take either of those risks -- the risk of Baby being snatched or the risk of Baby waking and feeling abandoned.
There are some American practices that seem just as detached to me. For instance, I'm seen as the "oddball" by some at church because I won't drop my little ones off at the classroom door, and just let them cry and get used to being away from me. My children decide when they're ready to do some things separately from me, and I refuse to force the issue.
So I certainly don't see detached parenting as a just a "Danish" or "European" thing. It's just about everywhere I've been in this world. After hearing some refer to Madeleine's parents' choice as a "cultural" thing, my response was simply that we, as parents, have a responsibility to listen to our kids and not tune them out in order to follow the "norms" of society.
If you leave your child in a motel room (or in a pram outside a store), the risk of abduction is probably a lot smaller than the risk of your child waking up and being frightened without you.
To me, neither
risk is acceptable.
That said, my heart still aches for Madeleine and her parents, and I hope she's all right and comes home soon. Just because I disagree with the parents' choice (they probably feel the same way now), and don't think it's excused by whatever the norms are in their social set, that doesn't mean I think they're totally detached and don't love their children. I'm sorry if I gave that impression.