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Would you leave your child in a hotel room? - Page 4

post #61 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calidris View Post
I wouldn't leave my child alone, sleeping in a hotel room, but that's because of the way I parent. I don't judge all those patents who don't co-sleep, and I certainly don't judge these parents.
It's amazing how quick most people are to blame the parents and to pass judgement. Most of us have probably been in a situation where our child scared us to death briefly (wandering off, running into traffic, falling badly, almost falling) and where, with the tiniest variation in fate something tragic might have happened. I guess if that case, most of the rest of us would sit smugly at our keyboards and pass judgement on that incident.
there's a difference between judging those who choose not to co sleep etcand those who choose their quiet dinners over the safety of their children.the latter is just plain and simple selfish behavior.as as for a child running into a road or wandering off,these are split second happenings,you turn for a second to put something back and the child runs under a clothes rail.BUT taking time to think about leaving three children three years and under alone so that you can have a meal is different.
bad choice,if socializing without your kids is SO important,leave them at home with your parents for a few days etc or just WAIT a few years until they are older.down time is important to all of us but i would rather have my kids safe thank you very much
post #62 of 262
the difference between 50 ft and hundreds of yards is important.

regardless, those poor people. that poor baby.
post #63 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imogen View Post
Does it take more or less energy to judge someone, than it is to feel compassion for them?

How does it feel to judge parents, especially a Mother who looks so ill, distressed and heartbroken she looks on the verge of physical collapse?

What purpose does judging these parents serve? Is it actually producing anything positive to help these parents? Is it helping to ease their pain in anyway?

If Maddy is not found, her parents will have to live with their decision for the rest of their lives.... while all those judging and condemning Maddy's parents will return to their normal lives in days, weeks, months and years to come, as it becomes another forgotten news story, Maddy's parents will be waking everyday with the knowledge of what may have happened to their daughter.

I have no judgement for them, they have my deepest sympathy.

Peace

I totally agree.

Really . . . the responses on this thread have shocked and saddened me. The self-righteous condemnation of a family who are living every parent's worst nightmare *every single moment* is deeply upsetting.

At this moment, Maddy's parents are imagining that their daughter is being raped, sodomized, tortured, and abused in any way imaginable if she's even still alive. They don't know where she is, they didn't celebrate her 4th birthday with her, and they don't know if they'll ever see her alive. In fact, they don't know if they'll ever have a body to bury. They might even hope that she's dead to spare her whatever pain she might have been suffering. Can you people stop your torrent of criticisim for one moment and imagine -- really imagine -- what it must be like to be her parents?

I live in continental Europe and I can assure you that, at many resorts and hotel/apartment complexes, it is entirely normal that there are baby phone and "phone up" systems (where you call and can hear what is going on in the room) for parents who are staying there, all of which means that it *is* the norm for parents to leave their kids and dine nearby within the hotel or resort complex. Whether you would do it , especially now that this has happened, is another question, but the fact remains that I've seen these services for parents many times.

We're all going to go to bed with our children safely beside us (or in the same house). Maddy's parents aren't. Let's count our blessings, pray, if you do pray, for Maddy and her parents, and offer compassion and sympathy rather than invective.

Peace.
post #64 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by DariusMom View Post
I totally agree.

Really . . . the responses on this thread have shocked and saddened me. The self-righteous condemnation of a family who are living every parent's worst nightmare *every single moment* is deeply upsetting.

At this moment, Maddy's parents are imagining that their daughter is being raped, sodomized, tortured, and abused in any way imaginable if she's even still alive. They don't know where she is, they didn't celebrate her 4th birthday with her, and they don't know if they'll ever see her alive. In fact, they don't know if they'll ever have a body to bury. They might even hope that she's dead to spare her whatever pain she might have been suffering. Can you people stop your torrent of criticisim for one moment and imagine -- really imagine -- what it must be like to be her parents?

I live in continental Europe and I can assure you that, at many resorts and hotel/apartment complexes, it is entirely normal that there are baby phone and "phone up" systems (where you call and can hear what is going on in the room) for parents who are staying there, all of which means that it *is* the norm for parents to leave their kids and dine nearby within the hotel or resort complex. Whether you would do it , especially now that this has happened, is another question, but the fact remains that I've seen these services for parents many times.

We're all going to go to bed with our children safely beside us (or in the same house). Maddy's parents aren't. Let's count our blessings, pray, if you do pray, for Maddy and her parents, and offer compassion and sympathy rather than invective.

Peace.

T.H.A.N.K Y.O.U !!

I have been away from my computer for a week, watching the news and constantly hoping for good news. I could not sleep last night thinking about this little girl and the gut wrenching pain her parents are going through.

I was hoping to come to MDC for talking about this story and talking to moms who feel the same grief I do, but most of the responses have really shocked me and saddened me.

I remember that when I lived in the US, whenever something horrible happened to a child, the first reaction was to demonize the parents. There weer no mistakes, no accidents, no freak occurrences: somebody has to pay for what happened. I always wondered whether it was because for some people it is easier to feel anger than sorrow - maybe that's why so many people took this route
post #65 of 262
never.
post #66 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by polihaupt View Post
I remember that when I lived in the US, whenever something horrible happened to a child, the first reaction was to demonize the parents. There weer no mistakes, no accidents, no freak occurrences: somebody has to pay for what happened. I always wondered whether it was because for some people it is easier to feel anger than sorrow - maybe that's why so many people took this route
Good point, it explains the lawsuit-happy culture too. Slip and fall on the walkway, blame the people who own the house. Nothing is ever the individual's fault.

Also because if you can blame the parents, then you don't have to worry about it ever happening to you.
post #67 of 262
I do think there is a (fairly slight) difference between the US and the UK when it comes to supervision, or at least between the SW UK and the NW US which is all I can speak to from personal experience. The UK is also almost totally blanketed with hidden cameras and it would be *very* difficult to get away with a kidnapping like this. I felt a lot safer letting my kids run around in the UK because of safety features like ring fencing and monitored playground entrances at big playgrounds. But I can see how it would be dangerous to take that sense of security to a different place.
post #68 of 262
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DariusMom View Post
I totally agree.

Really . . . the responses on this thread have shocked and saddened me. The self-righteous condemnation of a family who are living every parent's worst nightmare *every single moment* is deeply upsetting.

At this moment, Maddy's parents are imagining that their daughter is being raped, sodomized, tortured, and abused in any way imaginable if she's even still alive. They don't know where she is, they didn't celebrate her 4th birthday with her, and they don't know if they'll ever see her alive. In fact, they don't know if they'll ever have a body to bury. They might even hope that she's dead to spare her whatever pain she might have been suffering. Can you people stop your torrent of criticisim for one moment and imagine -- really imagine -- what it must be like to be her parents?

I live in continental Europe and I can assure you that, at many resorts and hotel/apartment complexes, it is entirely normal that there are baby phone and "phone up" systems (where you call and can hear what is going on in the room) for parents who are staying there, all of which means that it *is* the norm for parents to leave their kids and dine nearby within the hotel or resort complex. Whether you would do it , especially now that this has happened, is another question, but the fact remains that I've seen these services for parents many times.

We're all going to go to bed with our children safely beside us (or in the same house). Maddy's parents aren't. Let's count our blessings, pray, if you do pray, for Maddy and her parents, and offer compassion and sympathy rather than invective.

Peace.
Another resident of continental Europe here, and I could not have said it better.

I also think that we need to remind ourselves (as I tried to do in my original post) that whatever we think we might have done in the hotel situation, we all do things every single day that, statistically speaking, put our children in far greater danger. If you drive on the highway with your child in the car, your child is in greater danger than if you leave him sleeping in a hotel room alone for half an hour. If you have a hairdryer lying in the bathroom (even tidied away under the shelf) and you have a child over the age of 5, your child is in greater danger from that than from being left alone in a hotel room sleeping.

I started the thread to express my sympathy for the parents and to reflect a little about how careful we need to be and at what point we are just being paranoid. I certainly did not mean to point fingers at the parents. There but for the grace of God go I...
post #69 of 262
I don't have any problem with 'judging' a GROSS error in judgement motivated by selfish desires.


If I get hit by a drunk driver tomorrow, and my child dies as a result, it will be the drunk driver's fault.

BUT, if I failed to have my child properly secured in an age-appropriate and well-installed child safety seat, I contributed to my child's death. And I will deserve the judgement commiserate with that level of neglect.

Same goes for these people.
post #70 of 262
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThreeBeans View Post
I don't have any problem with 'judging' a GROSS error in judgement motivated by selfish desires.


If I get hit by a drunk driver tomorrow, and my child dies as a result, it will be the drunk driver's fault.

BUT, if I failed to have my child properly secured in an age-appropriate and well-installed child safety seat, I contributed to my child's death. And I will deserve the judgement commiserate with that level of neglect.

Same goes for these people.
Come on. That is total semantics. Anyone could just as easily have called you neglectful for not having taken the bus or the train instead, just as anyone could say that the fault lies with the kidnapper and not the parents in this case. The entire population of continental Europe could point a collective finger at the United States, where apparently more children per year are killed in car accidents than anywhere else because the US has such a car crazy culture. My daughter rides in a car approximately twice a week. How often is the average American child in a car?

In addition, since when should parental decisions be made based on whose "fault" it will be when the child is hurt? Doesn't it make more sense to base the decision on the chances of the child getting hurt, period? And if the chances of your child being kidnapped while being left alone in a hotel room are, say, one in a million but the chances of your child being killed in a car accident on the highway are, say, one is fifteen thousand, how can it makes sense to say that the parent who decides to drive when there is a perfectly good alternative transit available nevertheless shows a lower "level of neglect"?
post #71 of 262
I wouldn't not leave my child alone in a hotel room because of the chance of them getting kidnapped.

I would not leave my child alone in a hotel room because at 2 and 1, they still need me very much and the chance of one of them waking and finding themselves alone and therefore being absolutely terrified are near 100%.

The chances of the two year old getting into some mischief in which he seriously hurts himself (pulls the tv off the bureau, perhaps?) are pretty great too...30-50%.

The worst possible thing happened to these people, but it did not have to happen. I don't think it's wrong to acknowledge that. I feel great pity and compassion, but they did something stupid and for selfish reasons, and that is inexcusable.
post #72 of 262
nevermind
post #73 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by polihaupt View Post
I remember that when I lived in the US, whenever something horrible happened to a child, the first reaction was to demonize the parents. There weer no mistakes, no accidents, no freak occurrences: somebody has to pay for what happened. I always wondered whether it was because for some people it is easier to feel anger than sorrow - maybe that's why so many people took this route
And to distance themselves from the possibility that it can happen to their child. I'm Canadian-American and when my daughter died after a cord accident at her birth one of my acquaintances told me she thought it must have been because I took too many aquafit classes (all that rolling around). :

I was speechless for a variety of reasons but in retrospect I really think there is a kneejerk reaction to blame parents. Which makes me very sad.
post #74 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by GuildJenn View Post
And to distance themselves from the possibility that it can happen to their child. .

:

If the parents made a mistake, then we rationalize that we can do better and avoid this horror. It makes us feel better if we can attribute blame to the parents.
post #75 of 262
I would never, but i do feel incredibly bad for the parents (and the little girl of course.) How awful to have your dd missing, but how much worse if you have yourself to blame. I hope she is well and is found soon.
post #76 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThreeBeans View Post
I wouldn't not leave my child alone in a hotel room because of the chance of them getting kidnapped. [snip] The worst possible thing happened to these people, but it did not have to happen. I don't think it's wrong to acknowledge that. I feel great pity and compassion, but they did something stupid and for selfish reasons, and that is inexcusable.
i have to chime back in and say "ditto" to this. i'm not trying to condemn anyone. i know those people will have to live with this forever and i can't imagine how painful that will be. but i sure as hell hope it makes them think twice before leaving their other children unattended again.
post #77 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoulJourney View Post
I am very sorry for what has happened to this little girl but I, too, feel this family made some very poor, very selfish decisions. I would NEVER leave my DC alone like that. PERIOD.
:
post #78 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by caspian's mama View Post
but i sure as hell hope it makes them think twice before leaving their other children unattended again.
you think?!

is there any hopeful news? i'm too sad to look.
post #79 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post
:

If the parents made a mistake, then we rationalize that we can do better and avoid this horror. It makes us feel better if we can attribute blame to the parents.
:

It's all about the illusion of control.

This is a big fault of mine. I started to get over myself when my baby was born with a heart defect after I "did it all right"--great diet, prenatal vitamins, holistic midwives, wouldn't even take robitussin when I had the worst colds, no alcohol, no smoking. I didn't "deserve" it or "attract" it, but it happened. And it turned out ok. Turns out that I'm human, and I try daily to remind myself everyone else is too.
post #80 of 262
Not putting any blame, but addressing the op's original question about leaving the kids alone...

First off, the parents are obviously not of the ap/natural family living sort, at least in this aspect. They must be of the "CIO is okay group" because an ap parent could not fathom leaving their child alone, in a strange place to boot, while they are out having dinner...in the next room, or the next building over. Seriously, what was their frame of thought? They checked on the kids every 1/2 hour?! A 3yo and 2 babies? What if they woke up 1 minute after a 1/2 hour check. The parents were obviously okay with them crying alone in an unfamiliar place for at least 29 minutes or they wouldn't have left them there. So though I don't place blame on them for the person who took their little girl I do not have respect for the way they chose to parent their children in this aspect. It shows a great deal of selfishness, which is what I commonly think of people who allow their little ones to cry alone in a room afraid for a 1/2 hour.

I would never and do not ever leave my kids alone in the hotel room. We always get connecting rooms, with a door in between 2 rooms and we take my mom or a friend with us. The door to the kids room is locked and bolted and the windows not open able. The door between the rooms is closed but unlocked and we have a monitor to listen, along with someone we know always sitting with them if we go out. I would NEVER leave my kids with a hotel babysitter. I was a hotel babysitter, for the record. I'm great and all, but some Joe Shmoe...not matter how grandmotherly, NO WAY.
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