I plan on being a SAHM until my son is 18... - Page 3

[alicia622]

I'm not a SAHM but we do have one parent home with G almost all the times (Nana watches his for a few hours on Mondays). While I would like to SAH I am content with our current plan- because one of us is always home with him. It would be a whole other world to SAH. I hope that we can continue this until he starts school but we'll see.

DH and I would both like to have one of us not work but we are not willing to live as frugally as we'd need to to make it happen.

I don't know for a fact, but I think I'd be compleely happy being a SAHM/homemaker.

[MommaCrystal]

We plan our lives and our finances with the idea that I will not return to the career as I knew it before kids, ever. Maybe I'll look into something else someday. But I believe that my current choices are leading to a happier home life, children, and marriage.

I do have precautions in place for death or disability of my husband. And we are working toward goals to protect me in the event the marriage ends. But I do not believe it ever will. I have TREMENDOUS faith in my marriage.

[Sharlla]

Hmm, we take turns working but we do have a plan to have one SAHP in the home until they move out. I imagine that will be when they are 16.

[Azuralea]

Originally Posted by Staceyy

Azuralea, your advice is the best I've ever heard on the subject of preparing a SAHM for the future.

Thank you, Staceyy! That means a lot.

I really feel like the popular discussion on staying home makes it out to be so extreme. It is certainly possible in my opinion to be a SAHM and at the same time be prepared for the Ds. It's just common sense.

I do wish that we as women weren't taught such a romantic ideal as far as marriage goes. I think it's harmful in many ways, not the least of which is that any hint of planning for divorce is considered equivalent to doubting your marriage. I don't think that's true, though. IMO strongly committed partners should be willing to say to each other, "I love you so much that I want to put aside some separate funds for you now, in case I lose my mind and am not rational later." That's basically the same as buying insurance. It's not doubting your marriage.

I have a friend of a friend, a SAHM, who had to make the awful decision last year to divorce her husband because he without warning sunk into a crippling depression. She stuck it out with him for three years, trying to get help for him and trying to get him treatment, but you can't force a grown man to treat his own depression. In the meantime, his depression manifested itself as anger and it was very, very hard on her children. She finally decided that as much as she loved him, his depression was seriously harming her children, and she divorced him.

There's no history of this in his family, his doctors don't understand it, and according to my friend, who knew him before, it was not something you EVER would have predicted. They had a very strong marriage, they went to church, they come from families with no divorce.

She is doing okay, though, because she did make an effort over the years to make sure she had some marketable skills. She also had funds in her own name because her husband funded a retirement account for her when she started staying home. He didn't fund an emergency account, but she created one of her own when he started showing signs of the depression because she was worried that he might do something unpredictable with the money. She's a prudent, frugal mama, and her kids haven't suffered the precipitous decline in standard of living that many divorced SAHMs and kids experience. From what my friend says, the kids are flourishing. Their lives are a lot more stable now.

Originally Posted by Staceyy

SAHMs, while you're at home, I'd suggest you become an expert at frugal living also. I devour many of the frugal living websites and read many books on frugal living in an attempt to get more and more useful tips. I've learned to coupon and rebate, send for internet freebies,reuse, reduce and recycle.I've cut my grocery bill in half and lowered my utility bills etc. This year I'm starting to vegetable garden. I also study saving and investing techniques and strategies. All of this information will be helpful to you today as well as in the future. I'd also suggest continuing your formal education or starting a lucrative business from home.

Absolutely. I think learning frugality is one of the best possible lessons for a SAHM to protect herself and her kids.

[carolm22117]

Interesting thread. I've totally enjoyed reading all the different responses!

My oldest is 18. His younger brothers are 16 and 14. I've been (mostly) out of the workforce since he was born. I'm 36, will be 37 in 2 weeks. We decided back when we decided to homeschool them (again.) that I would be home fulltime until the youngest turns 18.

I did work part-time for 3 years at the library while they were in elementary school. When we took them out of school (they homeschooled for 4 years, PS for 4 years and we've been all happy at home since we took them out 5 years ago).

Anyways, its been very,very tempting lately to think about going back to work. Eventually I will, maybe before Son#3 turns 18, maybe not. I'll be,what, 40-41 at that time. I have been looking around at going to college or maybe doing something online, as all I have is a highschool diploma. A couple of local colleges have some great continuing ed departments.

I'd like to be able to help them fund their college educations and I'd like to be able to pay off our mortgage sooner. We are totally debt free other than the house.

I have loved being able to be home with my teens as much as, if not more in someways, as I did when they were little.

[mightymoo]

Originally Posted by sunnmama

My mother did this.....stayed home for 30 years, and then returned to help pay for the youngest college education. Her argument was (and I think it is a good one) that it is equally or more imp to have a sahp in the teen years than then childhood years---esp because it is relatively easy to find adequate childcare for a child, but there is no replacement for parental involvement/supervision/availability in the teen years.

I have heard similar things from other moms of teenagers, and I totally agree.

I currently consider myself a SAHM, in that being the caretaker for my children is my main priority. I do have a part time job helping my parents with their real estate business, but I still consider myself SAHM because if the job conflicted with the staying at home, the job would go, so that's the priority. Since I work flexible hours and mostly at home, or at my parents house, its doesn't really intrude.

My goal is to be able to watch over my kids when they are not in school. So, I plan to be at home like this until they are all in school. Then, I'm thinking I will look into doing contracting work and only take jobs from Sept to May. Both my parnets worked, but my mom was a teacher, so we spent our summers hanging out at the pool, biking around and just enjoyed our summers, I want my kids to have that.

Since we get benefits through DH's work, I wouldn't need benefits, etc. I worry a lot about whether I'll be able to get another job at that point, and have considered going back to school to stay current (I have a BS in comp sci), but then I think maybe school isn't the best option if I don't really plan to pursue a 'career', I may look into getting certified in a particular technology to make myself more marketable and come up to speed. Honestly, I am a very intelligent person and when I look around I realize yes, I can get a job easily. It may not be making the big bucks I was making a before I quit, but I can find something I'm sure.

But for planning purposes, we have planned for me to never go back to work. It doesn't factor into the equation for retirement, for college savings, etc. Anything I make now at my part-time job is just play money so to speak (though I'm going to save it to) - anything I make going back to work is something extra we could use to do something fun with, enhance our lives, etc.

We also have planned for death and disability with insurance. Of course we can't insure against my own disability, since I earn no income, but I have life insurance and DH has enough on him that I can continue to stay home forever if he dies. While we haven't done any 'divorce' planning like someone described, I handle all the finances and pay all the bills, accounts are all joint, and the emergency money is in the account managed by our financial planner. I feel secure that even if DH went crazy he couldn't make off with all the money before I'd find out. I also have an IRA in my name with all the 401k rollover from when I worked and contributions ongoing.

[umbrella]

Dunno. We're a homeschooling family.

I don't really care for being a "homemaker" though. We're planning on being able to homeschool throughout, but that doesn't mean I won't work at all until my youngest is 18.