just so tired .....

[Momma Aimee]

i am 15 weeks tomorrow

i am jsut so tired ALL THE TIME.

it seems Theo is so cranky and fussy and clingy recently.

he nurses so much it starts to hurt and i want to say no -- and i have had to say no to get him to lay down at nightor he'd nurse every 4 minutes all night. then he cries like you are killing him. he is fighting bedtime like never before -- and i am so tried and worn out by then it is soooooooooooooo hard for me.

all i keep thinking is HOW AM I GOING TO COPE WITH TWO???????????????????????

I have soooooooooooooooooo mcuh that needs to get done before the new baby -- and right now i can't get daily chorse done. Theo has been up past 10:30 the last 2 weeks, and so i am going to bed with him -- DH is grumpy as we never get any time, and i am grumpy cuz after T is in bed is the only time i ever get to do chorses...........

i just want to lay in bed all day.

Thur we have to go to twon...go to OB, go to home depot, go to a WAHM to pick up diapers and try on carriers, go to walmart and i need to stop at the ehalth food store -- i am too tired now to even think of doing all this -- and with theo as the babysitter canb't take him that day...................but it is almost an hour to twon, we have to do it all in one day; neither of us are going to be doing well.

life is too big, i am too worn out

A

[HoneyNBenNKids]

You're tired. Is there any family or friends who would be willing to help out? Can you hire a teenager to clean/sit? Check out your homeschoolers...they're available during the day or night & they normally have experience with children & housework.

Make your family help if you can...& tell DH you need help.

Honey

[Momma Aimee]

i wish

no family -- MIl is 4 hours and she is the one most near and she is worthless.

mom comes to visit as she can -- 7 hours away.

i have searched for a mother's helper -- and fallen flat at ever trun. I have been working on it for at least 2 full months.

we live out in the rural area, no one close by with teens or other kids. no other SAHMs

i tell DH -- he dones;t get it

he says "just don't worry about the house; it is fine" -- just cuz the house doesn't bother him doesn't mean it doesn't BOTHER ME.

by the end of the day Theo just winds up and get hyper and crany and meltdown mode with DH -- it has to be mommy if it is to be calm enough to go to bed by 10:30 -- if i left him with DH it would be 12 or 1 or later and still I"D BE THE ONE LEFT TO DEAL WITH IT.........

[HoneyNBenNKids]

Tell DH the mess bothers you. Is there something you don't do that drives him nuts? Make it relate to him. Tell him point blank...I can relax in a messy home. You have to clean up. It's like having a perp in the back seat...sure there's a metal protective thing between the two of you...but could you sleep with a murderer/thief right behind you?

Also, tell him that its his job to take care of Theo when he comes home. If he winds him up till 1am then DH has to unwind him. Put a pillow & blanket out for him & tell him he can't come to bed until Theo is in bed. If you co-sleep then you go to sleep in another room. DH will eventually get it. I recommend music so you don't hear anything.

Share with him you are working overtime 24/7 with this pregnancy. He works 40/50 maybe 60 hours & when he gets home he has another job...Theo. Split up the childcare...you have the baby & he has Theo.

Can you hire anyone? An old lady?...to come & clean? Put an ad in your local paper. We're rural too and drive 45-1 hour to get to anyone/thing. Our Wild Oats is 2-3 hours away. There are moms around you & their probally needing help just like you. Someone to talk to, share childcare. Even getting 1 day a week will feel like a month long vacation.

And don't forget to ask at church or call around to other churches. You'd be suprised who you'll be able to find!

Honey

[Momma Aimee]

i have talked to DH -- he doesn't get it continues to tell me "relax, don't worry about it, it is fine, jsut do what you can...." whatever. I am too tired to fight with him any more. he is gulity tripping me about not liking him, not wanting to be with him and so on as it is. whatever he is the most OVERKLY sensitive man i have ever met, i have never in all our years yelled at him, believe me i KNOW how to YELL, and he accuses me weekly of yelling all the time. whatever, i can't cope with him over senstive nature right now.

Church is over 45 minutes away -- and we are new -- no one will come help. and honestly i can't get T to stay in nusery for an hour... he is NOT going to accpet anyone here to take care of him, 3/4 of the time he doesn't accpet DH save to play in the same room as momma.

Dh and I parent differnt -- adn I am right he doesn't mind Theo geting wound up, and DH is willing to try CIO at bed and i won't -- so it all falls to me. I can let DH parent if i want Theo coming home covered in mud with cut up leggs crying... "he is just being a boy" .. which i do not. DH will be a great dad when Theo is 6 and ready to be a boy -- now he is ababy and DH can be good with him -- he WANTS to be he looove Theo sooooo much -- but he clueless. he just wants to see T as a boy, not a baby. and T wants to nurse all night -- i tried night weaning and had a paniced frantic baby who scratched the hell out of himself in less than a hour of not getting boob.

I have searched for a babysitter or mother's help and searched. The only HS group i can find is in DM 45 minutes away. I contacted all 11 loacl churches and the local high school about posting a flyer for the job OR if they had suggestions -- NO responces.

i just want to go to bed, ALONE, and hide all day --no eating, no peeing, no baby, no anything.......ever......

sorry to be so neg to all your great ideas, but i have tired them all over and over and over again -- and nothing helps.

A

[Starr]

Venting helps, trust me.

Make a list of what you need to do right away like daily household stuff.

Make another list of things you need to do before baby gets here. Divide these out over the time you have left so you wont feel so overwhelmed.

Can you have someone run errand for you?

Olivia is going through a very bad sleeping phase, I'm hoping its a phase anyway. When Theo naps, you nap. Everything else can wait but you need your sleep.

Better yet make a list of errands and pack up Theo with your DH and send them on an adventure day while you sleep. Seriously. I do it and it works wonders.

[Momma Aimee]

Better yet make a list of errands and pack up Theo with your DH and send them on an adventure day while you sleep. Seriously. I do it and it works wonders.

Theo always wants to go with daddy -- and it works a little bit. but DH doesn't get home till 7 pm so it only a Sat or Sunday afternoon option.

and it can only be a few local things, cuz town is 45 minutes away -- that is 90 minutes drive time alone on top of time spent with errands. Theo would melt down without nurse THAT long, no matter how much sippy cup DH offered.

the prob is -- locally -- like bank and post office -- I'd looooove to send DH to....he is not here when they are open -- no Sat hours, and closed before 4 pm daily. so he can go to the local IGA for like milk or bread..... or he can go tot he hardware store for his stuff.

it does help when it happenes.



i need to make the lists, i am such a list maker as it is -- that would help me feel like i have a grip.

Aimee

[HoneyNBenNKids]

Believe it or not I've been there...DH was trying to work though & I must say while totally clueless about the house etc we do parent the same & I never had to worry about cio...but I also had the only breasts so....

My MIL lived about 20 min away & came 1 time after I had amazingly got son to sleep, she sat on the couch reading a book & then complained to me how unsafe it was for me to start making tea & lettingit boil out. Hello...you were RIGHT THERE!!!~!

I do feel your pain. Perhaps you could just clean your room & the bathroom. Hang a sheet to block the view of the rest of the house. Move the tv to your room, move a dresser out, move some of T's toys in. Make DH pack lunch, snacks, etc into a cooler in your room. Move the phone to your room too & if you don't have a laptop go & rent one or ask mil/mom to rent one for you. Turn your room into your little house. Stay out of the rest of the house. I did that with my first. I hung a sheet over the steps so I couldn't see downstairs & since we lived in a 2 bedroom townhouse I kept the nursery door shut (not once was the baby even in there) I'd toss dirty towels down the steps 'cause I'd pee on them while vomiting. DH had to step over them & needed to wash them everyday if he'd like to shower the next morning (still that way!) What you can't see you won't notice. Take on the mindset of out of sight out of mind. You'd be amazed how sometimes the reason they don't mind a mess is because you always clean it. Have DH put the dressers in another room...who cares if its the living room?! Stock up on paper cups, plates, silverware. Get a larger trashcan for your bathroom & live out of the bedroom.

Honey

[marisa]

Originally Posted by HoneyNBenNKids

I do feel your pain. Perhaps you could just clean your room & the bathroom. Hang a sheet to block the view of the rest of the house. Move the tv to your room, move a dresser out, move some of T's toys in. Make DH pack lunch, snacks, etc into a cooler in your room. Move the phone to your room too & if you don't have a laptop go & rent one or ask mil/mom to rent one for you. Turn your room into your little house. Stay out of the rest of the house. I did that with my first. I hung a sheet over the steps so I couldn't see downstairs & since we lived in a 2 bedroom townhouse I kept the nursery door shut (not once was the baby even in there) I'd toss dirty towels down the steps 'cause I'd pee on them while vomiting. DH had to step over them & needed to wash them everyday if he'd like to shower the next morning (still that way!) What you can't see you won't notice. Take on the mindset of out of sight out of mind. You'd be amazed how sometimes the reason they don't mind a mess is because you always clean it. Have DH put the dressers in another room...who cares if its the living room?! Stock up on paper cups, plates, silverware. Get a larger trashcan for your bathroom & live out of the bedroom.

Honey

I had to LOL when I read this: it sounds like the kind of survival mode limbo I'm living in!!

[GinaRae]

I feel for you, Mama! It seems like everything IS sitting on your shoulders and you're just too exhausted to deal with it all. It seems like there is absolutely nothing that any of us can offer except for cyber hugs and moans. We totally feel for you! Wish we could do something. Anything!

COULD you possibly think about taking over one room and staying there? It may not be practical at all, I don't know.

I was also wondering about switching gears and instead of a "mother's helper" maybe finding someone older to clean the house and perhaps make some meals??

Are you taking B vitamins for energy?

[Momma Aimee]

sorry to sound so B&^%chy

Aimee

[Taradactyl3]

I feel for you. I feel wiped out all the time and my 2.5 year old is a pretty good sleeper I think (knock wood). My SIL says he sleeps way better than her two girls who get up 2-3 times a night.

Even though, I'm still so tired and just want to lie in bed all day. I'm hoping this is a temp stage and soon we'll all be talking about how great and energized we feel.

Tara

[StacieM]

I've been exhausted too. I do have bursts of energy to get things done now that were non-existent before. BUT, once those bursts are gone, I am BEAT!

It's not just, oh, I'm lazy right now. It's like - I HAVE to lay down or my head will feel weird and my eyes will NOT stay open. I feel like if I keep pushing myself to stay up and do things, there will be consequences because my body will refuse. I know with other pg I was tired and could fall asleep in seconds, but I don't remember it feeling quite like this where I physically feel like I HAVE to take a nap....even if it's only 20 minutes.

Someone did suggest getting iron levels checked. Maybe anemia has something to do with the fatigue?

[Monkeybutt]

Im right there with you. No clue how I am going to do it with 2!

I keep telling myself this will pass!

[Momma Aimee]

I noticed yesterday i DO feel better as the afternoon goes -- i jsut talk a LOOOOONG time to rally......but by 2 or 3 when i am starting to feel like i can do stuff Theo is getting clingly and less independant -- so i end up fustrated that "gee now i want to get X Y or F done...but i can't".

I did actually make dinner yesterday, and did a few loads of laundry and did get the kitchen counters cleaned up -- ah but you should see the floor.

Aimee

[wwisdomskr]

Aimee,

How are you feeling today?

Try not to worry about the future...just take it one day at a time, ok?

I agree with pp about going into survival mode and giving your dh very specific things that you need him to do.

As far as help...it shouldn't matter that you are new to your church, hun. Have you called and spoken with your minister? She/he will be better able to rally assistance than a flier. Call. This is what community is for.

Take gentle care of yourself, mama.

[Momma Aimee]

feeling better today -- just soooooooooooooooo tired.

going to get some lists made.

Aimee