Doula who has not given birth?

[bobbyjk]

I have been considering becoming a doula but I don't have children of my own. It seems that everyone I meet who is a doula has had their own children. I don't have any yet, but we hope to in the next few years. Would people be interested in a doula who has not gone through childbirth herself? I have always worked in the non-profit sector and consider myself to be a very good listener, supporter and emotional help to those around me. Actually, I think this is my greatest talent. I know I could empathize very well, but I wouldn't have any personal experience to back me up.
What are your thoughts on this? Thanks in advance!

[CMcC]

When I had my doula, she didn't have kids. At first, I wasn't sure she could really understand what I was going through.... Boy was I wrong! She's the greatest! She was still a student doula when she attended my birth. (Believe my birth was #7 for her.) She was caring, understanding, and very knowledgeable. Just what a doula should be! Plus, she didn't have kids. She didn't have to say "Oh, you're in labor.... wait, let me get a babysitter and I'll be over ASAP." She was able to drop things on a minutes notice. Another good thing about a doula without kids is they've usually experienced birth many different ways.... They don't bring their own birth experiences with them (positive or negative). (If a doula only had positive homebirth experiences.... it would make her job a bit more challenging to support a woman who wants a medical birth.) I know I bring my personal birth experiences with me.... even though it's not my birth.... I find it more difficult when a woman is faced with the same circumstances I was in... and makes a different choice than I did. (Ex. smoking during pregnancy)

Also, how many OBs are male. How are they qualified to be at a birth? Yet, so many women never question them. Yes, they've seen birth, but they've never experienced birth first hand. They don't even have the equipment to experience birth. How can these male doctors even understand what cramps feel like? You may not have experienced birth first hand, but as a woman you understand the female body better than any male doctor. Plus, doulas don't just show up the last 30 minutes... you experience and put a lot more effort and time into a pregnancy, labor and birth. Caring and supporting women and their choices is what being a doula is about.... go for it!

Forgot to mention: If you are planning on TTC, let your future clients know if it might affect them. I was worried that my doula was going to succeed in becoming pregnant and then not be available to me when I needed her. (Most likely she would have had morning sickness when I gave birth. I didn't want her throwing up while she was attending my birth....)

[weliveintheforest]

A woman can be a great help to other women without being a mother herself.

[bobandjess99]

to be honest, yes, i think *some* women will not choose you to be their doula. But others will. In a role like that, there are going to be many things which influence whether people like you or not. your personal appearance, your training, your "vibe", your beliefs/philosophy, your cost, your location. All are going to factor in.

[Alison Cole]

Just another childless doula chiming in to say that I've had clients who actually hired me back for the second birth, and to me that could only mean that my presence was valuable, in spite of my lack of having given birth my own self.

So I say, go for it!!

[DoulaLMT]

One more "go-for-it" from me too! I've been a doula for 4 years without having children of my own. Some women want a "peer" as their doula, whereas others want someone more "motherly" as their doula. Young women often have young families, which makes doula work hard for them....so a lot of the younger doulas do not have children, and there are still plenty of clients for them.

Goodluck!

[nurturedbirth]

Also a childless doula, and I don't feel it is of detriment at all. In one way I actually feel it is of benefit to not have birthed in that I am a "blank slate" so to speak.

If a potential client does not hire you because you have not given birth, then they were simply meant to have another doula. You will have the clients you are meant to have.

[DoulaClara]

I am/was a childless doula. I did experience the first part of pregnancy (and a loss) when I doula'ed (taking a break while I focus my earthy-birthy energy on my little growing one) and I never hid that from my clients.

I have to say, if it fazed anyone, I never knew. I either went with clients that I clicked with (or that my partner clicked with, and I was her backup) or not. You will not mesh with each prospective client. Some you will! I say go for it, and just keep an open heart about the mama. In a small way, it may have benefitted me to be someone who didn't already do it, and feel like I "knew exactly what was happening." I knew I needed to be with the mama.

Clara

[channelofpeace]

Well, i have children, but until last august, i hadn't had a vaginal birth. My first two were born by c-section and i started doula work when my first was nine months old. I am sure some people wouldn't hire me because of that, but it is all about preferences and what you are looking for in a doula. Good luck!

[donutmolly]

I just wanted to chime in a "go for it"! I had a midwife who was not herself a mother. Yes, initially, as her potential client, I was a little bit wary of how a woman who had not experienced birth herself could support a woman through childbirth... but I was totally won over by her personality and expertise! Sounds like you have some of the most important attributes of a doula, so even if clients are initially put off, I think you should have no problem demonstrating that you can do a great job!

[MamaRabbit]

The best doula I know has never had a baby. (Well now she's due in Sept). Women stand in line to get to use her services. I think so much of it has to do with personality.

[Stephanie L.]

I am a doula and a mom (twice) and I hate it when I hear myself say, "Oh, I know what that is like, I know that's hard, that sucks, you'll make it, MY birth...blah-blah". I try not to do that, sometimes my own stories slip out, though.

I hate that because I want to encourage and support a mama on her own path--her clean slate. Sometimes I'll think, "oh my story is relevant, though! Just tell it!" (=my sleep deprived support!) If a woman is without her own personal birth experiences perhaps she can lend more unbiased support.

And not having to find a sitter so she can attend births?!? priceless.

[CMcC]

Originally Posted by milkydoula

Well, i have children, but until last august, i hadn't had a vaginal birth. My first two were born by c-section and i started doula work when my first was nine months old. I am sure some people wouldn't hire me because of that, but it is all about preferences and what you are looking for in a doula. Good luck!

I totally understand what milkydoula is saying. I still haven't had a vaginal birth, so like she said, I'm sure some women wouldn't hire me. (I always cringe when they ask about my personal experiences. But I know I have to be straight forward. I just hate telling them a 60 hour natural labor ended in cesarean birth....) But my very first client had a successful VBAC. It really is about personalities and preferences.

[Individuation]

Neither my doula nor my midwife have given birth. Doesn't bother me a bit.

[bobbyjk]

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and support! I am really excited about pursuing this! I never thought of it in that way before- that at times personal experience could sometimes be difficult. I'm sure I'll be asking many more questions in the future!

Thanks!

[DoulaClara]

Ask away! And good luck on starting this journey!

Clara

[PapayaVagina]

I didn't have my dd until after almost 7 years of doula-ing and midwifing. Really, more people had an issue with my age (I started when I was 20) than they did with me not having children but I did have a dad tell me once that he could never trust my opinion because I'd never had children...that was after I'd attended 2 births with them as a volunteer :

[redpajama]

Originally Posted by PapayaVagina

I didn't have my dd until after almost 7 years of doula-ing and midwifing. Really, more people had an issue with my age (I started when I was 20) than they did with me not having children but I did have a dad tell me once that he could never trust my opinion because I'd never had children...that was after I'd attended 2 births with them as a volunteer :

Oh I do hope you inquired as to how many babies he had given birth to.

[redpajama]

I have to agree with StephanieL. To be totally honest, before becoming a doula I would have thought a doula should be a mother herself--but now I know that's ridiculous. Just because I've gone through a birth (or 20) doesn't mean I've gone through her birth, so I shouldn't assume I know how she feels. And I have to bite my tongue OFTEN to keep the "when I was in labor" stories from pouring out. : I guess it's partially my way of empathizing sometimes, but I think it's really unfair to do. So StephanieL. makes a good point--no birth experience=no birth stories.

I agree that it's largely about personality, and it's about education and intuition. But not having given birth before shouldn't stop anyone from becoming a doula.

[gemasita]

I am a doula and I don't have children. I thought it might be an issue but it hasn't been so far. I'm sure there are people who didn't hire me because of it but there are so many people that HAVE hired me and haven't cared at all. I love working with first-time parents because I think they see me more as a peer rather than a very experienced mom of 4 or something.

One perk is that I never have to worry about talking too much about my own births or letting my own experiences effect the way I doula.