why do you not homeschool? - Page 6

[HealingBeam]

I voted other.
Elementary school is mandatory in my country (Croatia). Unfortunately.

[Lingmom]

There are a lot of homeschoolers here who are living homeschooling, and who flat out don't agree with Aura Kitten. It's our right to jump in and say -- um, maybe that's the case in the very rural, very specific community in which you live -- but that's NOT the case for everyone else.

And yet it seems so inappropriate to me to go to the homeschooling board to say that it's my right to jump in and tell them that they are giving schools the wrong impression and that I'd like to correct that myth.

I don't want someone who is considering homeschooling to receive (what I consider to be) a very wrong impression.

The impression that I've gotten from this thread is not about whether homeschooling is a good choice for my family or not, as much as it is about a sense of intolerance and unwelcomeness. It's one thing to defend and explain why you choose to school as you do... but that's not all that's happening here, and it's a shame.

[whateverdidiwants]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X

For me it is a matter of knowing my limits. I do not have the patience to teach dd in a way she needs to be taught. I cannot handle having to go over things a bunch of times and I get frustrated when she dosnt pick things up right away or forgets something she knew 10 min earlier.

I do not want to have to join groups so that she can socialize with other kids. When she can make friends and socialize at school. I dont do well at all around large groups and I wouldnt be comfortable leaving her alone with people I dont know in a setting out side of school. I know that makes me sound horrid but it is the truth. I might as well be honest so there it is.

If i had to I could probably do it but for now she is happy and I am happy with her public school education.

ITA with this.

[RedWine]

Originally Posted by Lingmom

And yet it seems so inappropriate to me to go to the homeschooling board to say that it's my right to jump in and tell them that they are giving schools the wrong impression and that I'd like to correct that myth.

People do this all the time.

I think it's erroneous to say "all" school kids are social misfits and that school kids are at a disadvantage in life. That doesn't happen at the homeschooling forum -- at least, people who say that are usually immediately challenged by others (as they should be). Therefore, it is definitely erroneous to claim that ALL homeschooled kids are social misfits, etc. (quite the opposite, from my experience).

You're right -- it IS fine to say what works for you and yours. What is NOT fine, IMHO, is to claim that ALL kids of a certain group are this-that-or-the-other, or to say that homeschooling/institutionalized schooling EVERYWHERE is this-that-or-the-other.

[Belleweather]

Originally Posted by RedWine

People do this all the time.

I think it's erroneous to say "all" school kids are social misfits and that school kids are at a disadvantage in life. That doesn't happen at the homeschooling forum -- at least, people who say that are usually immediately challenged by others (as they should be). Therefore, it is definitely erroneous to claim that ALL homeschooled kids are social misfits, etc. (quite the opposite, from my experience).

You're right -- it IS fine to say what works for you and yours. What is NOT fine, IMHO, is to claim that ALL kids of a certain group are this-that-or-the-other, or to say that homeschooling/institutionalized schooling EVERYWHERE is this-that-or-the-other.

This is the sort of attitude that I got from our local homeschooling group -- and was a BIG part of why we're chosing not to homeschool. It doesn't seem like people who homeschool are interested -or in some cases even able- to have an honest, critical discussion of the problems with homeschooling without resorting to saying things like "Well, all the kids *I* know are OK, in X, Y, or Z way, so there isn't a need to have this conversation..."

When I was invesitgating homeschooling, I had a lot of really important and really critical questions, many of which were about education and socialization and I found conversations that were critical to homeschooling, especially those where people who had not-so-good experiences with homeschooling were sharing their thoughts, shut down in exactly this way. I think it's a huge liability for homeschooling and definately put me as a concerned parent off the issue.

[Kylix]

Originally Posted by Lingmom

The impression that I've gotten from this thread is not about whether homeschooling is a good choice for my family or not, as much as it is about a sense of intolerance and unwelcomeness. It's one thing to defend and explain why you choose to school as you do... but that's not all that's happening here, and it's a shame.

This whole thread seems negative to me. What's the point of a thread titled "why do you NOT homeschool?" other than to point out what you find inadequate about homeschooling so that you didn't choose it.

A more positive thread title might be "why did you choose to send your child to school?" Then, you could speak about the advantages of your particular school choice.

I know many here have not bashed homeschooling but rather talked about why it isn't right for their family. But, there ARE alot of myths being spouted off here about homeschooling and as a lurker looking at this thread which has a negative title and some very stereotyped responses, it's hard not to want to jump in and discuss.

Kylix

[RedWine]

Originally Posted by Belleweather

This is the sort of attitude that I got from our local homeschooling group -- and was a BIG part of why we're chosing not to homeschool. It doesn't seem like people who homeschool are interested -or in some cases even able- to have an honest, critical discussion of the problems with homeschooling without resorting to saying things like "Well, all the kids *I* know are OK, in X, Y, or Z way, so there isn't a need to have this conversation..."

When I was invesitgating homeschooling, I had a lot of really important and really critical questions, many of which were about education and socialization and I found conversations that were critical to homeschooling, especially those where people who had not-so-good experiences with homeschooling were sharing their thoughts, shut down in exactly this way. I think it's a huge liability for homeschooling and definately put me as a concerned parent off the issue.

Perhaps I'm not being clear.

Of course there is a need to have this conversation! One needs to figure out what's best for one's family.

However, it is ridiculous to believe that ALL members of one group are definitely this way or that way. It is ridiculous to believe that because there may be legitimate problems and issues in one community (or just for one family within that community), that this means all homeschoolers face the same problems (or have any problems, for that matter).

I am confronting the sweeping generalizations being made. Generalizations that do not represent my family, or any of the dozens of homeschooling families I personally know.

To me, Aura Kitten's post was equivalent to a homeschooler posting that school was horrible for kids, and that EVERY school kid was rude, completely ignorant, lacking any knowledge of foreign language or culture, peer-oriented, TV-addicted, etc....you get the picture.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by Aura_Kitten

First, I wouldn't call them Myths since I've experienced them personally.


And second, of course kids don't JUST need to interact with kids their own age. What I'm saying is ~ look, in a culture where like 90+ % of the kids in the country attend public school and are socialized to those norms, those kids who aren't socialized are, in a way, socially handicapped.

As I said, the American system of education isn't the best ~ but it beats confinement to small homogeneous groups, which is what most homeschooling groups are.

I honesty do not believe a word of what you wrote. I'm really sorry-- but your essay sounds so pat and made-up. "Even the ones who went to *museums* are socially inept!" You've written in a way that tells me you've obviously read a lot about homeschooling but just can't do it/don't want to do it and decided to find nothing good about it.

I didn't comment the first time because I snickered. But once you tried to defend yourself, without a crumb to others who tried to share, I couldn't let what I see as poor reporting and dishonesty go.

What you've written is nothing like the experiences I've heard from others who have had teaching experiences with homeschoolers at the secondary and college levels.

If you don't want to homeschool, it's your right. But you do your credibility a disservice with a post like this.

[arahzel]

I haven't read any of the replies, but I had to choose the "other" option in the poll. The reason I don't homeschool is because DH and I both work full time.

[Belleweather]

Originally Posted by RedWine

To me, Aura Kitten's post was equivalent to a homeschooler posting that school was horrible for kids, and that EVERY school kid was rude, completely ignorant, lacking any knowledge of foreign language or culture, peer-oriented, TV-addicted, etc....you get the picture.

But what you, and the most of the rest of the homeschooling advocates who have come over to this thread, are doing seems to be attempting to invalidate her persepective -- to try to make other people who might be investigating homeschooling think that it's not as worthwhile as your own. For the love of little apples! People are even accusing her of making the whole thing up, as if no person who ever had any experience with homeschooling could have had a negative experience.

My feeling is that experiences like that are valuable. I want to have all the information -- good and bad -- and the ability to consider it without others trying to guide me as to what is and is not appropriate or a generalization so that I can make the best decision for my family. And I have seen way too many threads, e-mail discussions and even real life experiences go exactly the way this thread has; with homeschool advocates working overtime to discredit any opinion critical to them. And honestly, the only other place I've seen that sort of behavior is when I used to study Scientology. It just leave an exceedingly bad taste in my mouth, and a very bad opinion of homeschooling in general -- I mean, you're supposed to be teaching your children to be critical thinkers, and this is your way of dealing with criticism? It doesn't paint a picture of a community I'm eager to have my children involved with or socialized by.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by Belleweather

But what you, and the most of the rest of the homeschooling advocates who have come over to this thread, are doing seems to be attempting to invalidate her persepective -- to try to make other people who might be investigating homeschooling think that it's not as worthwhile as your own. For the love of little apples! People are even accusing her of making the whole thing up, as if no person who ever had any experience with homeschooling could have had a negative experience.

My feeling is that experiences like that are valuable. I want to have all the information -- good and bad -- and the ability to consider it without others trying to guide me as to what is and is not appropriate or a generalization so that I can make the best decision for my family. And I have seen way too many threads, e-mail discussions and even real life experiences go exactly the way this thread has; with homeschool advocates working overtime to discredit any opinion critical to them. And honestly, the only other place I've seen that sort of behavior is when I used to study Scientology. It just leave an exceedingly bad taste in my mouth, and a very bad opinion of homeschooling in general -- I mean, you're supposed to be teaching your children to be critical thinkers, and this is your way of dealing with criticism? It doesn't paint a picture of a community I'm eager to have my children involved with or socialized by.

Nope. No, and heck, no. You can opt out of homeschooling...it's not the law or anything. You chose what is best for your children-- as well all do. If public school is working for you, I think that is fabulous! I myself have a child in PS, and he rocks, and I love his teachers.

That is not why I am here-- to be critical In fact, I am here to say "Choose what works for your family,. Have the info and make a choice." It's exactly what our family has done. We have children who are homeschooled, who are private schooled, and who are public schooled. I know the reality totally and completely. I've done it all and I am open to it all.

See that word...open? Be open. Open.

[eloquence]

Originally Posted by Belleweather

This is the sort of attitude that I got from our local homeschooling group -- and was a BIG part of why we're chosing not to homeschool. It doesn't seem like people who homeschool are interested -or in some cases even able- to have an honest, critical discussion of the problems with homeschooling without resorting to saying things like "Well, all the kids *I* know are OK, in X, Y, or Z way, so there isn't a need to have this conversation..."

When I was invesitgating homeschooling, I had a lot of really important and really critical questions, many of which were about education and socialization and I found conversations that were critical to homeschooling, especially those where people who had not-so-good experiences with homeschooling were sharing their thoughts, shut down in exactly this way. I think it's a huge liability for homeschooling and definately put me as a concerned parent off the issue.

Oh, while I hear you on the lack of critical thinking in our culture in general, i don't understand why you'd partly make a decision on your child's educational needs based on a group of people. Maybe I am misreading your post so I am sorry if I am.

I have had to leave a homeschooling group b/c they were arrogant and I didn't want my kids to be a part of that. But I still homeschool b/c I feel its best for them. Just like there are arrogant groups of parents who send their kids to public or private school, homeschooling is certainly not immune to the same ills that impact our society.

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by Belleweather

But what you, and the most of the rest of the homeschooling advocates who have come over to this thread, are doing seems to be attempting to invalidate her persepective -- to try to make other people who might be investigating homeschooling think that it's not as worthwhile as your own.

I don't think it is her perspective people are taking issues with. I think it is more with the fact that she attempted to position herself as an expert both in homeschooling (when in fact her child went to school at age 6), and on Sociology and Cultural Anthropology. Using her expertise as her premise she then makes sweeping statements about how socializing in small groups will cause problems later on, or that all homeschool groups are homogeneous, or how school is the only place for children to acquire cultural literacy.

No one (I think as far as I read) is denying her experiences but rather are saying that her experience homeschooling one child until the age of 6 and meeting a few other homeschooler in a small religious midwestern town, is limited and narrow and therefore can't be generalized across the diverse population of homeschoolers.

Nor do her statements that (most) homeschool situations are more homogeneous than a school classroom, or that children who don't attend school will automatically lack cultural literacy hold water under any scrutiny or critical thinking, or even discussion with other more experienced homeschoolers from this board. A quick google of homeschool socialization studies will show that her opinions are not supported by broader scientific research.

Experiences vary - no doubt. I think that what people are saying is that her experiences are not and need not be typical. As we all are, Aura Kitten is welcome to share her opinions and experiences, but her biases and her generalizations should be challenged in the same way that homeschoolers biases or generalizations about school kids should be challenged, especially if they are asserted as general facts.

[eloquence]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

She is welcome to share her opinions and experiences, but her biases and her generalizations should be challenged in the same way that homeschoolers biases or generalizations about school kids should be challenged, especially if they are asserted as general facts.

I haven't followed this thread closely enough to follow the specifics but I agree with you in general. I spend a lot of my time in certain homeschooling circles defending public school and challenging generalizations. Then there are other homeschooling circles where no one slams educational choices.

[RedWine]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

Experiences vary - no doubt. I think that what people are saying is that her experiences are not and need not be typical. As we all are, Aura Kitten is welcome to share her opinions and experiences, but her biases and her generalizations should be challenged in the same way that homeschoolers biases or generalizations about school kids should be challenged, especially if they are asserted as general facts.

Exactly.

Belleweather, I don't think you've really read through my posts.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by eloquence

I haven't followed this thread closely enough to follow the specifics but I agree with you in general. I spend a lot of my time in certain homeschooling circles defending public school and challenging generalizations. Then there are other homeschooling circles where no one slams educational choices.

Well, you know, welcome to the slam club. Homeschoolers get people (authorities, even lol ) in their faces at a farther greater clip than schoolers. We all knwo hsers are weird, and schoolers are normal.

What started out as a great idea for discussion has ended up with some schoolers feeling defenisve. Which is a bummer. I have schooled kids and I know it's the right thing for them at this time in their lives. Nothing changes that for me. No homeschooler could say anything to me that would make me think that my family isn't doing the right thing for us, and no amount of schoolers railing against hsers could make me think that hsing my other children wasn't the 100% right thing to do.

[eloquence]

Yeah, I get judged and grilled often. And what really infuriates me is when they treat my children with sympathy like they are deprived or something. But I know people are just making stereotpyes and using them to get through an interaction so I let it slide. Once.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by eloquence

You typed that really fast, eh?

Yeah and if you go back, you'll see I edited even faster. Your quote doesn't match my current post.

Sorry. lol

But yk, this is a super- fast medium. So you know...

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by eloquence

Yeah, I get judged and grilled often. And what really infuriates me is when they treat my children with sympathy like they are deprived or something. But I know people are just making stereotpyes and using them to get through an interaction so I let it slide. Once.

Awesome. You edited even faster.

[Leatherette]

I am open to homeschooling at a point when/if it is necessary, but school is my first choice. I loved school, my son (1st grade) loves school, and my daughter loves preschool. And I love being a teacher and working with other teachers and a variety of kids.

I like picking up my kids from school and all sharing about our days and still having hours left to read/play/talk together.

If school stopped working for either of my kids, I would certainly consider homeschooling. I would love to take a year off with both of them when they are a little older, travel across country and learn on the road. We may do that at some point.

I am a special ed. teacher and have taught K-12, so I would be comfortable from a curriculum standpoint, but I think homeschooling would put a lot of pressure on me, being wholly responsible for their entire education. I feel, too, that if I felt pressure, I may put more pressure on them, and that would be a strain on our relationships. I have known a lot of great teachers, all of whom have something different to offer, and as long as I continue to be (over?) involved and know what is going on, I don't feel like I am missing out.

And starting next year, both of my kids are going to school where I teach. This year (my first year back since starting SAHM), my daughter goes to preschool downstairs in the school where I am teaching.

That's where I'm at.

L.