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spinoff--paying for college for your kids? - Page 6

post #101 of 195
We will be paying for our kids' educations and have 529 plans set up for each of them. Neither dh or I had much help from our parents. I had some loans and dh had quite a big amount and he even joined the Navy to get some of his education paid for. We don't want that for our kids. And I very much dislike the (general) assumption that having your college education entirely paid for = an entitled spoiled unappreciative brat.
post #102 of 195
We will pay for our ds's university education. I don't want him to start out life with a whole pile of debt. We set a savings account up for this purpose when he was born. Depending on how much fees rise he may have to contribute a little to living expenses himself but I don't really think it's good for students to work more than a few hours a week when they are studying if at all possible.
post #103 of 195
Dorm life may be nice, but I don't feel it is a necessary part of an education. I have the same degree as those who dormed. We get paid the same thing and do the same job. I may not have the memories of the parties, but I was happier to have less debt. DH did dorm (and had an apt one semester), and loved it. But, it was the partying he loved. He said he probably would have had better grades if he didn't dorm. He also would have had much less debt. I guess its a trade off. I just don't see it as a necessary part of the education.
post #104 of 195
well, im still baking number one, but i'd like to have at least something to help them out with, but i really doubt we'll be able to put all our kids through college
post #105 of 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by boodafli View Post
if you are, why? if you are not, why not?
Yes - as our parents did for us, and their parents did for them.

We feel not only is it the right thing to do but it's our responsibility to pay our debt to our parents by paying for college for our kids...
post #106 of 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by nonconformnmom View Post
Those of you who say you plan to provide "room and board" for your children while they are in college; don't you think that living away from home is as much a part of their "education" as the book learning is?
No, I really don't. For one, the cost of renting a 1 bedroom apartment in this area is more than we pay in mortgage for our 5 bedroom house. That's now. 20 years from now, there's no way that a college student would be able to afford living on their own here.

For another, as a pp pointed out, living on campus is even more insular than living at home. At home you're at least expected to interact somewhat with non-students. And campus living is no cheaper than apartment renting. Not to even mention the party attitudes and preponderance of underaged drinking that occurs on campus.

If I have a 5 bedroom house in the middle of a metropolitan area with almost a dozen schools readily available to my child, why on earth would I expect that they are going to want to pay upwards of $1000/month on renting a place? Because I'm not going to pay for it. I have a perfectly good house with a perfectly good bedroom that they are welcome to use while mom makes sure that there's food in the house.

I'm willing to pay room and board and public transportation costs if they go to one of the local schools. If not, they can talk to relatives (aunt, uncle, grandparents) about living with them and going to school there. If they don't want to do any of that then they're going to have to figure out how to afford what they do want. And I'm not saying I won't help if I can. I am saying that I'm not paying for their education. And at no point am I saying that the offer of free room and board is limited to the ages from 18-22 or whatever. If they want to go back to school at 32, the offer will still stand.

But honestly, I don't expect my child(ren) to go to college and get their degree at 18. I think it's unrealistic to expect a young adult to know at 18 or 19 or even 20 enough about themselves and the world to be able to pick a career path and stick to it. If they're driven and know what they want, more power to them. But most young adults don't have a clue, and college winds up being an exercise in futility and a huge waste of money. I'd much rather they go out and get a few years experience doing whatever, if that means picking grapes with the seasonal workers or shoveling manure or answering phones, it doesn't matter. Doing something teaches them about the way the world works, that life isn't fair, and that there are no free rides. That in turn can help them to appreciate what they accomplish for themselves.
post #107 of 195
We'll pay half and they'll pay for the other half. My mil & fil did it this way with sil. (Dh has his education covered by the GI Bill.)
post #108 of 195
Some of you, who will not help your children much for college because you think it's their own responsibility, please keep in mind that even if you don't claim your adult children as dependents, for all the years they're in college, they are ineligible for many grants and lower interest loans because of your income.

It doesn't matter if you're not particularly rich or even comfortable. When they fill out their financial aid forms, they'll be told how much the government expects you, the parents, to contribute. So, your college "child" is going to have to pay back loans at a higher interest rate because of their parents' earnings.

I paid my own way what I didn't borrow and went to school side by side with people whose parents paid everything. We got the same degrees, but they're so much further ahead financially.
post #109 of 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by katheek77 View Post
If DH retires from the military(and as of now we expect him to) they can go to dh home of state or the state he retires in tuition free.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeca View Post
Have not heard of this! Can you provide more info/links on this?
Yeah, my FIL is retired military and that was not covered in his out-briefings .
post #110 of 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by nonconformnmom View Post
Those of you who say you plan to provide "room and board" for your children while they are in college; don't you think that living away from home is as much a part of their "education" as the book learning is?
I spent a year and a half in the dorms and while I would like for my children to have that experience I think that the actual degree is much more important.

My dad was getting social security for me when I 10 and that paid for the first 3 1/2 years. I switched school 3xs after community college before I found a good fit. I did a semester abroad which was a $5,000 loan and some money I borrowed from mom.

We are putting away the $1000 tax refund each year in their 529s. We hope to pay for an associate's degree (two years + summers) and we'll see what we can afford after that.

Dh is going to school on the GI BILL and gets tuition reimbursement from his job. I have a associate's from cc, BA from a public school, another associate's from the CCAF (pretty much was required for promotion in the AF) and I'm using my GI BILL to go to cc right now because I actually make money from the stipend because the school is so cheap.
post #111 of 195
For everyone saying "we'll pay half, they'll pay the other half" or whatever, do you know that you'll be expecting your child to earn approximately $50,000-- in TODAY's dollars -- in gross annual income in order to do that? A 19 year-old student making $50K a year???

That's what I don't get. I understand people who say "hey it's not my problem - if they want to go, they'll figure it out" as opposed to people who actually think that a job flipping burgers or waiting tables or working in the campus dining hall is actually going to put even a tiny dent in a college education 20 years from now. The cost of that education is increasing at some places by 10% or more per year. Like I said earlier, Harvard costs $20K more today than it did just over a decade ago! Do you think wages are going up that much? lol NO WAY! We all should be so lucky to get a 10% raise every year, kwim? So the end result is that the slice of the pie that a child's income could possibly contribute is getting tinier by the year.

So while I think it's fair enough to say "we don't care about college" or "we're not paying at all"... I do think it's a little bit of sticking one's head in the sand to say that a child will be able to cover a large portion of the costs themselves through working their way through college... unless they're ok not getting that degree til they're 40.
post #112 of 195
Weelll, I have a lot to say about this topic...:

My mom dropped out of college after 1 year to marry my dad. My dad was the first person in his family to ever go to college. He started when I was in 6th grade and graduated when I was in 9th grade. He worked full-time and graduated with honors. His experience and our experience as a family made college part of my realm of possibility.

My dh's great-grandfather was born a slave. (Dh's grandfather is 95). He went to college and became a teacher. Almost everyone since, in dh's family, has completed a bachelor's--at the very *least*. There's sort of an unspoken, ivy-league competition... But, you didn't hear me say that!

I barely graduated from high school, served in AmeriCorps for a year and then went to college. My parents didn't help. I used pell grants and student loans to pay for tuition and worked a lot of jobs to pay for my living expenses. It was hard. I graduated with honors. I don't think that would have happened if I'd gone to college right away.

Dh went to college right away...well, he's a nerd and was actually taking cc courses concurrently with finishing hs. He struggled in his courses because of financial stress. He took a break, joined AmeriCorps (that's where we met ) and then joined the military. They've paid for everything, including his Phd, for which he's now wrapping up research.

Combined, we have about $50,000 in student loan debt. We're okay and basically secure. We make the minimum payments and worry about other debt more because student loans get canceled when you die! : We have a great gig...dh has a permanent duty station, and in 10 years he will be eligible to retire (at 42) and receive 2/3 of his officer's pay for the rest of his life. Plus, he'll be so young and have great earning power with his Phd. Our retirement is secure.

However, all of our present and future security is completely wrapped up in the government literally owning my dh... He's a "change agent from the inside" kind of guy, but that can suck the life outta ya sometimes, kwim?
I'd like our children to have both security and a little more freedom.

We have 529 accounts for the kids and will contribute as much as we possibly can toward their educations. We feel that we want to take the next step in this generation. Our families made it possible for us to get to college. We want to make it possible for our children to get to college and then start adulthood with as little debt as possible.

I definitely agree with pp that college is not a necessary part of everyone's journey...and that's it's not necessarily a good idea for most traditionally-schooled teens to head directly to college. I'm glad that I served in AmeriCorps first...

Our kids are unschooled, so they will have many years of making decisions, having extra personal responsibility and gaining deeper knowledge of themselves. If they choose, they may be a little more prepared to head to college at the traditional age. Or not... Or they may make a different decision altogether.

As a pp said, the money and our support will wait until they're ready. Or, we'll cut off the ungrateful trolls and give the money to someone else!
post #113 of 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyWild View Post

It doesn't matter if you're not particularly rich or even comfortable. When they fill out their financial aid forms, they'll be told how much the government expects you, the parents, to contribute. So, your college "child" is going to have to pay back loans at a higher interest rate because of their parents' earnings.

I paid my own way what I didn't borrow and went to school side by side with people whose parents paid everything. We got the same degrees, but they're so much further ahead financially.
:

My parents weren't contributing anything...but financial aid still considered their income in calculating my "award." I had to fight for over a year (and it got very ugly) to be officially declared "independent" of my parents in the eyes of the financial aid office. At the point which I learned of this option, and applied for it, I had been *completely* supporting myself (in different states from my parents) for 2 years. FA told me that my parents' income would be considered until I got married, was pursuing a master's degree, or turned 28. Whether they were lying or not...that was what I was stuck with at the time. When my independent status was finally granted...my parents hadn't paid any of my expenses (school or otherwise) for 3 years.
post #114 of 195
My husband has three kids from his first marriage. His ex wanted to pay for the kids' college because she wanted input into what they studied (I am not lying...she would tell you this herself) and majored in. My husband and I gave each of his kids a monthly stiped for four years, regardless of whether they attend college. His idea is that it helped ease into adulthood. We're still paying for the youngest two (nearly 23 and nearly 21). (So you see, we are not averse to helping them financially)

My dd from my first marriage (nearly 18) is just graduating high school and doesn't know if she wants to attend college. My husband and I will likely give her a monthly stipend as well.

The money isn't the only thing but we've found that his children have had a hard time accepting pending adulthood. We've had some major growing pains and problems. I now think we (and the ex paying for tuition) did them no favors by giving them money each month. Jury is still out on this...we're doing lots of thinking and talking about this.

We don't know about paying for college for our 8yr old...still lots to consider.
post #115 of 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by Periwinkle View Post
For everyone saying "we'll pay half, they'll pay the other half" or whatever, do you know that you'll be expecting your child to earn approximately $50,000-- in TODAY's dollars -- in gross annual income in order to do that? A 19 year-old student making $50K a year???

That's what I don't get. I understand people who say "hey it's not my problem - if they want to go, they'll figure it out" as opposed to people who actually think that a job flipping burgers or waiting tables or working in the campus dining hall is actually going to put even a tiny dent in a college education 20 years from now. The cost of that education is increasing at some places by 10% or more per year. Like I said earlier, Harvard costs $20K more today than it did just over a decade ago! Do you think wages are going up that much? lol NO WAY! We all should be so lucky to get a 10% raise every year, kwim? So the end result is that the slice of the pie that a child's income could possibly contribute is getting tinier by the year.

So while I think it's fair enough to say "we don't care about college" or "we're not paying at all"... I do think it's a little bit of sticking one's head in the sand to say that a child will be able to cover a large portion of the costs themselves through working their way through college... unless they're ok not getting that degree til they're 40.
:

This college costs calculator is interesting. It gives an idea of how much tuition will be in the future.

http://www.finaid.org/calculators/costprojector.phtml
post #116 of 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyWild View Post
Some of you, who will not help your children much for college because you think it's their own responsibility, please keep in mind that even if you don't claim your adult children as dependents, for all the years they're in college, they are ineligible for many grants and lower interest loans because of your income.
I knew someone who was secretly married in college because then she didn't have to count her parents' income. Her husband was in the military so he got more benefits out of it as well. They'd known each other for two months before opting for this solution to their problems. I always wonder what happened in the long run.
post #117 of 195
my kids get a almost free first degree from my country of origin, since I own property and pay plenty taxes every year there you bet I'll tell them take advantage of that, then their second degree would be funded by family, if they choose not to do a second that money goes towards their first home

funny enough neither dh or I used or family money for school, and I still don't have a degree much to my mother's dismay :
post #118 of 195
My dh and I have a combined $80,000 (give or take) in school loans. We will do whatever we can to help our children out so that that doesn't happen to them.

For me, I could have used the advice to not choose the grad school I chose. My parents got so wrapped up in the name of the school I went to and it's reputation that they never once talked to me about how I was going to pay for it. I think even they were shocked when I graduated, and they found out what my debt load was.

We'll give that sort of advice to our children.

I also have some sort of desire for my children to have some training or a degree that enables them to get work. If they really don't want to, that's find, I suppose, but I do hope that they pursue something. (and that's the totally selfish bad mama part of me coming out)
post #119 of 195


I'm in school right now with massive debt (seriously to the tune of "I don't even check the balance b/c it's so outrageous") I work 2 jobs just to stay afloat so I don't take out any more outrageous amounts, I'm in school full time, and it's to the point where I have anxiety attacks that I won't be able to pass nursing school and i'll be debt ridden for the rest of my life.

I live with my parents right now (had to move back in b/c i'm that broke) and I do pay rent, everything for DD, car, insurance, gas, , the whole nine yards just with somewhat reduced rent. It's to the point where i'll have to remain living with my parents for at least the first 1-2 years after graduation just to pay off all the loans. After I graduate, I cannot live outside of this house and continue to just pay the minimums on my loans. Economically i'd be in the red every single month, due to the massie amount of loans i had to take out. My parents contribute nothing right now. It costs me almost 29,000 in tuition per year (were not counting books, daycare, expenses to get to school and whatnot) Multiply that by 4 and it'll make you :

Basically moral of my self pity fest: I will NEVER do this to my daughter. Living with this much debt consumes me. I refuse to have any more children because I cannot economically afford it. I'd love more kids, but I won't even entertain the thought because i'm in so much debt and I want to make sure that the DD I have now, will never go through this. If she wants to go school, I will make every attempt to pay for 100% of her tuition. Granted, I will not pay all of her college costs and hopefully she'll work to have some extra spending money, money for books, gas, car insurance, blah. But the majority of her tuition will be paid by me provided that she exceeds in school and will get a degree in a field that has some type of relative stability (i.e. i'm not paying for a bachelors in basket weaving because she has no idea what she wants to do with her life but since the "free ride" option is potentially available courtesy of her bestest mommy ever, she'll snatch it up)

After struggling with all the debt and seeing how "financial aid" really works, I consider paying my DD's education a huge priority and it being just another one of the many financial aspects that comes with parenting. I want her to have every tool she possibly can to succeed in her life, if that means me paying for her college and giving her the means nessicary to persue a degree, i'm all for it
post #120 of 195
This is an interesting thread, it seems like those who say that the kids will get financial assistance such as scholarships or grants tend to be the folks who didn't go to college themselves.

This is not a slam but an observation both in this thread and in my own life, my ex husband seems to think that our son who will be heading to college in 3 years will get full scholarships to college. My ex did not go to college and I have a BA and a M.Ed that were financed primarily with loans.

Sadly because I went back to school when my son was 6 and finished last year when he was 14, paying for college is one of many things that keeps me up at night.

Shay
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