WWYD? kinda long UPDATED

[Synchro246]

Ok. Lemme give you my scenario and thoughts and I'd love to get feedback for how to procede.

I am right now either 39+2 or 40+2 weeks. My son was born on either 38 or 39 weeks (funny how I'm always unsure by a week) and was not very vernixy and was 8lb 8oz. Though it was after an induction for PROM, he seemed very ready.

Starting *last* monday every other day(evening) I've been getting regular contractions. Last monday they were 10-15 minutes apart and not very strong. Yesterday they were 4-6 minutes apart and much stronger. There's been a moderate increase in CM, nothing to dance about.

Ok, that's all that backround.

Now. I'm planning a basicly unassisted birth, but with a midwife in the house. I have a very good relationship with this midwife and we both feel comfortable with the plans. I trust her and she trusts me. I think that's necessisary for it to work the way I want.
Problem: She is leaving on Sunday the 20th (I'll be either 40 or 41 weeks on that day) to go to a midwifery conference in Costa Rica.
I'd LOVE to have this baby before she leaves.
I haven't met the back up midwife, but according to my trusted midwife she is cool with my plans. The only thing is we don't have that trust thing so I kinda expect that she'd be a little more ~present~ for the birth. If you know what I mean. . .


One cool thing is that Sunday the 27th (41 or 42 week mark) a midwife friend of mine is in town for a week.

So I kinda want to have my membranes sweeped. BUT it does seem a bit of a silly reason to do so.
I wish I could just KNOW when I was having this baby .

Do any of you think I should DO anything? Should I trust that it will work out?

[momto l&a]

I'd wait till you where 41+ weeks to do anything personally, if you choose to do anything that is.

[eminencejae]

I think deep down inside you are very strong and have a great idea about exactly how you want this birth to go. But intilectually you may be struggling with it or there's some outside reason that you feel the need to have an attendant even though you are planning a hands off unattended/yet still attended birth. I wish I had been able to find that option but it wasn't a possibility for me and then I just decided to go straight UC.... Even though it's drastic and I still worry, but who doesn't worry about how thier labor/birth will go anyway? That's what we're all here for posting about right?

I wonder if maybe you need to make peace with the possibility of the same thing and that maybe it's meant to be that the midwife you want might be out of town when you do hit active labor? Maybe it could be a kind of divine way of getting exactly what you really want deep down inside and everything WILL just work out exactly as it's supposed to for you?

I'd give fait/divine design a chance and just wait it out to see what happens for that slight hope you might be hiding in your subconscious that you really want to do this without anyone. And who knows, maybe you have the wrong impression about the back up person?

[richella]

Can you make an appt to meet the back-up MW and get a feel for her? Obviously not the same as developing trust over months, but you might have a strong pos. or neg. first impression that will direct you further.

[Synchro246]

Originally Posted by eminencejae

I wonder if maybe you need to make peace with the possibility of the same thing and that maybe it's meant to be that the midwife you want might be out of town when you do hit active labor? Maybe it could be a kind of divine way of getting exactly what you really want deep down inside and everything WILL just work out exactly as it's supposed to for you?

I'd give fait/divine design a chance and just wait it out to see what happens for that slight hope you might be hiding in your subconscious that you really want to do this without anyone. And who knows, maybe you have the wrong impression about the back up person?

You know what's funny-- is that when I first made this plan for unassisted with backup and I learned that she was leaving in the middle of my window I TOLD MYSELF I would trust my body to labor before she left if I needed *her* and labor after she left if I needed no-one or someone else. I felt strongly about it at the time. . .I am going to explore a bit if this is a loss of confidence that is clouding my judgement or if I'm getting to attached to this one plan. . .

Originally Posted by richella

Can you make an appt to meet the back-up MW and get a feel for her? Obviously not the same as developing trust over months, but you might have a strong pos. or neg. first impression that will direct you further.

I woke up this morning thinking that I would like to meet her. I don't know her at all--she may be wonderful. . .
the only thing is that the drive is about an hour and a half and UGH that is REALLLY not appealing.


Sigh. . .why do I have to worry. . .

Seriously. This baby will come out. It may take some communication of my desires and boundries, but he WILL come out.
I am taking my time. My cervix may need time. If I DO something now just to have the baby before the midwife leaves I could be setting myself up for another transfer. NO. no. I will wait. I will let my body work.
That feels right.

Thanks for letting me get all this out and work thru it "out-loud" and for giving me feedback.

[Sunflower223]

Good luck! I am sure it will work out.

[Jilian]

Since you are comfortable with UC I think you should just let things progress on their own. Let whatever happens happen. I'm a believer in the saying "things happen for a reason".

[aran]

Since neither the mw or the backup are supposed to be interfering with you, I might just try to have a phone call or meeting with the backup, and as long as she doesn't give off bad vibes, let things take their course. I'd probably think about encouraging labor if you expected the mw to be present with you and play a large role for the birth, but since you don't, it might not be worth the interventions. (But aren't they tempting?????)

[Synchro246]

Well, my mw is off tomorrow
I did talk to the back up, and she seems OK. Just OK. People have settled for WAY LESS and it will be OK if I need to birth with her. I suspect it will take a lot more communication during labor than I origionally planned and I think the prospect of basicly having a UC with a MW in the house would probably not happen.
BUT
I've also come to a peace that this baby may not come for quite a while. My MW is definitly back by the 31st. According to my latest due date (actually the origional one, and the one the MW liked the best 5-20) I will be 41.5 weeks. So, hey. I may not have to worry about having a stranger at the birth at all.

Our conversation was Ok, but ONE thing bugged me. She asked me how I felt about going past dates and she said that in the area where she normally works the doctors "won't let" you go past 42 weeks. I literally laughed out loud. Those two words don't go together for me (at least about stuff like this). Not that this matters because I'm well within dates the whole time she's the midwife--it was just a conversation.
She did seem nice and organized (a big + for me)

Anyway, thought I'd let you know

[emiLy]

When I talked to a midwife, things like that really bothered me too. Like, with me, she wanted me to come to prenatal visits so she could know if I was "ready to give birth." I laughed and said "Well, I'm pregnant..." I couldn't even complete the sentence because the idea was so ridiculous. It's that UC voice inside us.

Stay strong. I'm excited to see how everything happens. It will happen the way it's meant to.