WWYD? I need some honest, non-judgemental advice.(long)

[Sunflower223]

Ok. This is what is keeping me up tonight, I am going to talk to DH about it when he gets home but I want some honest advice from you all. It's long and there are some parts that some may not agree with but I need you to look past that and try to help me make a decision.

My DH works around 6 hours away from here. He works away from home 2 weeks of the month and is home 2 weeks of the month, typically. He works 12+ hour shifts everyday , 7 days a week, so him coming home and going back wouldn't be humanly possible. This is the main dilemma

Well now here I am at around 38 weeks and I am seeing an OB and he seems to be a nice guy for the most part. I have had high bp on and off the last week, which is my only complication and OB doesn't seem too concerned since I have no history of it and it isn't continously high or extremely high. The highest was 140/88. I mention the BP because I realize that it may come to present a problem later. I am 2 cm dialted today, I was 1 cm Friday and had been for a while because I checked myself a few weeks earlier and I estimated it to be around 1 cm. I know I am 2 cm today because I thought my water was leaking and I had an extremely foul discharge (sorry tmi) so I got worried and went into to get checked at OB. I wasn't leaking, I do have a yeast infection. I also had some bloody show today but it may have been from the exam.

Getting to the point dh is coming home in the morning, he will be here a little after noon. He will only be home for a week unless he takes the two weeks following this week off, unpaid to stay home. My Ob scheduled an induction for the 28th so that Dh will be able to be at home for the birth without a doubt, if he goes ahead and takes the two weeks off. If I am induced it will work out that he will be able to stay home a few weeks after the birth with me and help me get into the swing of having two small children, etc. Then he will return to work. My due date according to my calculations which I am fairly confident in, is May 25th.

I want very desperately to have the baby naturally. I want to labor at home and I am afraid if I am induced, aside from risks to the baby and myself, I won't be able to bear it without pain medication and even if I am it won't be the same experience at all, I don't have to explain all of this to you all. I might not have anymore children and I don't want to miss out on my opportunity to have a wonderful birth experience.

On the other hand if I cancel the induction and talk DH into returning to work on the 23rd, he won't be home again until June 6th. If I go into labor in the time he is gone I will have to call him, he will have to talk to his boss, get permission to come home, drive etc. It could take up to 8 hours for him to get here. He stands a good chance of missing the whole thing. His being present is the most intergral part of my plan for birth. If he isn't going to make it that would definately ruin the birth expereince for both of us.

We really can't afford for him to miss work, and I can't risk him staying home from this point on and me not going into labor before he has to return and all of that time being wasted time while I am waiting to go on my own. That would suck up most of the unpaid leave he is allowed to take and all of our savings plus some. So I am frustrated and depressed and don't know what to do. I am torn. It would be easiest just to go with the plan and be induced and know that Dh is here but I am depressed and can't get excited because I have such a negative view of induction. I am tempted to try and convince DH to go back to work at the end of this week, which I might not even be able to talk him into, and then just wait for my call or hope that I don't go into labor until he gets home which will be when I am about 41W5D. Of course if I have an emergency bc of the blood pressure between now and then he will miss it as well, if I send him off to work. I had dd at 39W4D.

What do I do? I need some advice. Please don't judge me too harshly on the induction concern. I am praying that I go into labor this week and it becomes a non-issue. I just don't know what else to do.

[Meg_s]

<sigh> that is such a hard decision, I totally know where you are coming from!!
Honestly I'd be terrified of being alone postpartum with 2 small ones, and if it were ME and there was NO alternative I might just go with the option that gives Dh the most hometime with me, even if it isn't the best birthing option. I THINK I would anyway....

One thing to think about, your DH would have to stay home unpaid.. would it be possible to hire a post partum doula to help you out instead? Even if it cost as much as he made, it would be better for the baby and you too to have a natural birth, and a full time pp. doula might even be more helpful immediately post partum than a husband, no offense to husbands!!!!! Then by the time her time is up, your DH would be home again.

[koru]

wow. how fast was labor with your daughter? my initial thought is that 6 hrs is do-able. if your husband has informed his boss that he may have to leave ASAP at any minute & if you call him with your first sign of labor, he'll more than likely be there for the birth. do you have a birth doula, in the meantime?

i would be nervous about induction, as well. i firmly believe that babies come when they're mature & in good position & ready, ya know? natural birth is definitely not convenient these days and it's hard to plan every minute around "what if," though. we've been struggling with this, too (except not to your extreme!).

of course, if you really feel like you need to have this baby while your dh is home next week, maybe try some natural induction methods now (castor oil, nipple stim, acupuncture, etc). if these don't get things going, you can request that your OB start with sweeping your membranes. if nothing, break your water. i definitely wouldn't go straight for pitocin!

good luck with your decision. it's a tough one....

[Synchro246]

Where does your DH stay when he's gone for the week? Is there any reason why you can't go with him? What are the hospitals like around there?

Also, how far along were you when you had your first? (and did the labor start naturally?)

[Sunflower223]

Originally Posted by Meg_s

One thing to think about, your DH would have to stay home unpaid.. would it be possible to hire a post partum doula to help you out instead? Even if it cost as much as he made, it would be better for the baby and you too to have a natural birth, and a full time pp. doula might even be more helpful immediately post partum than a husband, no offense to husbands!!!!! Then by the time her time is up, your DH would be home again.

That is a good idea, unfortunately doulas are nearly impossible to find in our area. Our state has some rather ridiculous midwifery laws which have created a scarcity in the form of doulas/midwives in the area. Aside from that this is dh's first biological child and he is more excited about the baby and worried about me than I am. He wants to spend as much time home with us a possible. He wouldn't go for it, he would feel he needed to be the one to stay home with us if I thought I needed someone. I take no offense, trust me I am not totally confident in his ability to care for a two year old, a newborn, and me. But he might pull it off.

Originally Posted by doulalove

wow. how fast was labor with your daughter? my initial thought is that 6 hrs is do-able. do you have a birth doula, in the meantime?
of course, if you really feel like you need to have this baby while your dh is home next week, maybe try some natural induction methods now (castor oil, nipple stim, acupuncture, etc).

DD's labor was 22 hours, so 6 hours sounds do-able, but every labor is different of course. No doula for me . As I said above, nearly impossible to find. It might be possible to find a doula, but being this far along and not having one yet and such scarce resources in my area, I doubt it would be very probable. In the beginning I looked a little bit for a doula but I thought I had a pretty big team of supporters for the delivery at the time and didn't worry about it too much. As for trying natural induction methods that is dh's plan. I tried nipple stim all last week. I know it was kind of early but I used a pump about an hour every day and it didn't seem to do anything. I am afraid to use castor oil. I know tons of women who used it so I don't know why. I plan to discuss the possibility of using other methods for my induction aside from pitocin with OB. He is absolutely married to the idea of hooking everyone up to an IV though which is one reason I really hoped to labor at home. Even if I have my water broken I will still be trapped on the bed. I am going to push the heaprin lock for the second time when I see him again.

Originally Posted by Synchro246

Where does your DH stay when he's gone for the week? Is there any reason why you can't go with him? What are the hospitals like around there?

Also, how far along were you when you had your first? (and did the labor start naturally?)

Dh works on an oil rig so my staying with him would be impossible. I have thought about trying to get a hotel to stay in or something like that near where he is. It will still take him two hours to get to the shore from his rig. Thats not too long but I wouldn't have a reliable babysitter for dd to stay with so I would have her in the hotel with me and she probably wouldn't be allowed to say with me during the delivery so that would never work out.

DD was born at 39W4D. I had my membranes stripped on a Friday and went into labor on a Saturday afternoon. The doc ended up giving me a small dose of pitocin the move along her labor when it stalled out during hospital stay. I was in labor with her for 22 hours. 3.5 hours were pushing.


My original birthing team was supposed to consist of my mom, my sister, my mom n law, and my husband. My mother and I recently got in a wreck so she is in a wheelchair and might not make it. My sister might end up having to babysit because my original babysitter isn't looking too reliable. My MIL was never a sure thing to begin with. She lives out of state and will also have a drive and have to take some time off to get here. Coincidentally if I have the induction she will be more of a definate because the weekend before is the weekend my SIL is getting married
and MIL has already requested that day off of work.

[LilMamiBella]

If it were me I'd go with the induction. I would want my dh to be there for me. I know he'd hate it if he missed anything.

[VOBetz]

Honestly, if I were in that situation, I'd go for an induction too.

I believe that babies come when they are ready. And while I think its best for them to choose when to come, I also think that sometimes its best for the entire family to induce.

<<<This is also how I feel about induction when your doc/midwife is going to be out of town, BTW. One intervention like stripping membranes or breaking water, etc is better IMHO than going with someone you don't know/trust. There is a lot higher risk of more and more interventions in that scenario I think.>>>

So, I would try for natural induction methods, more nipple stim, sex, walking, castor oil, eggplant, whatever for the early part of his first week home. Then go for the medical induction. But I would take the med. induction one step at a time. Stripping membranes, then water breaking, pitocin as a last resort.... KWIM?

[txbikegrrl]

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to offer hugs to you. What a tough decision. This is my first, but I'm trying to have a completely natural birth with an OB and am finding it's not going to be easy. I was able to hire a doula. Debated on that for awhile (due to financial constraints) but am glad we went for it now. Our labor support "team" has fallen apart also. Since a doula is not an option, and your other supports seem "ify" at best, I'd probably lean toward doing what's needed to have DH there. But I can understand the strong desire for as natural a birth as possible. Hope you can come to a decision that brings you peace. Best of luck with your birth...

[Eaglevoice]

As strong of a supporter of natural birth that I am...I think if I were in your shoes I would go for the induction. But I would try every natural induction route known to man before I went to pit.

And Im sorry to hear about your mom. I hope she heals quickly.

[Willzmama]

I agree with the pp's! What a tough decision, though. Hugs!

Like they said, try every natural induction method known to man first! I think acupuncture got my labor with DS started, FWIW.

[Meg_s]

<hug> I really hope you guys are able to come up with something that works for you!! Just one more idea, could you hire someone - even if it's someone recommended by someone else (like an aunt or whatever) for postpartum help if you still need it? My DH travels a lot on business and he's looking at leaving to go overseas about a week postpartum...so I'm freaking out over that and ready to hire anyone who would be able to come and help out with my 19 month old.

I also wanted to mention that I used castor oil with my first, I DID use it when I was 5 days past 40 weeks, didn't work the 5th day, the 6th day it did.. had no bowel movement issues just 1 normal poop each day. I'm a few days shy of 40 weeks and tried it yesterday.. went to the bathroom a few times (normal texture, sorry just saying I didn't have the runs) and had 5 hours of exciting contractions which went away after I fell asleep at 2am. I didn't use much though.. with my last birth those 2 days I used about 2-3oz, and this time it was like half an oz. Also I read on MDC that with the eggplant thing it's actually the basil and oregano oils which are the culprits for inducing labour, the eggplant has nothing to do with it.

[Sunflower223]

Thanks for the advice everyone, turns out this didn't even matter. I ended up going into labor later the day I posted this! About 4 hours after dh got home from work. crazy huh?