my family is driving me insane!!!

[chocokat]

sometimes I can't stand my family and I really don't know what to do, I go to my dad's house twice a week but im seriously thinking about not going anymore, everytime we sit down to eat they want to give my daughter junk, and she's only a year old, the other day my mom gave my child a taste of sprite and I got sooo maaaad!! I don't understand how can they be so uneducated,specially when I really want to raise my child as healthy as possible but they try to kill that everytime. I know it's been more than 25 yrs since they had they're last baby but geez, they also want to give my daughter a taste of ice cream, sugar cookies or a greasy french fries because she "wants some". my sister is driving me nuts because she constantly tells me how to raise my child when she doesn't have kids herself. oh and they are asking me when am I gonna stop nursing.
how can I deal with this?
I know I can't leave my daughter alone with them at all
and that honestly makes me sad.


thanx in advance

[mommymonkey]

Oh, I'm sorry your family doesn't respect you as mama. I have an aunt who is always trying to give my 4.5 month son just a "taste". Maybe you should cut out visits to your family for just a little while. You shouldn't be going for a visit and then deal with having to watch your family like a hawk because you don't trust them with your dd. I'm sure you'll get a lot of support here. I always do.

[JustSo]

Sorry to hear about your unsupportive family. I deal with this, too, but from the ILs. It's a toss-up...do you take the criticism from them and bite your tongue when they don't do things your way in the name of them bonding with your child or do you confront them and risk alienating them from your chidl? If anyone's figured this out, please holler. I'm losing sleep over this, too. :

[sparklefairy]

I think that twice a week is pretty frequent visits and that cutting back a bit might be better balance. I personally might be okay with an occasional junky treat, but several times a week is different. I understand that you're irritated and they are not respecting your wishes, but I'm not sure it's extreme enough to warrant no contact. Maybe you could limit visits to non-meal times as food is the major issue?

I think that one thing that might help might be to recognize the family that you have for what it is, grieve for the family that you wanted and didn't get, and move on to accepting things as they are and decide to have a satisfying relationship with them anyway (if you can, barring abuse and headgames).

Here's an article on responding to criticism (the chart at the bottom is particularly helpful for scripting): http://www.llli.org/NB/NBJulAug99p116.html I know that you want to convince them and have them agree that you're a great mom making the best decisions! It isn't always realistic, unfortunately. I know that whenever I would get my hopes up, my mother in particular would smash them into the ground and I would feel terrible about myself (because not even my mother approves of me!) I had to stop giving her that opportunity and decide that *I* get to determine my worth.

[greeny]

How about bringing some healthy snacks that you don't mind your daughter having. Then, when you all sit down, if she's offered a fry you can say, "You know, we're holding off on fries for now, but would you like to give her some of this?" They will probably be happy to be allowed to feed her, but she'll be getting healthy food.

As for breastfeeding, calmly tell them that you have only reached the minimum recommended length of breastfeeding, and of course they don't want you to stop at "good enough," do they?

I would just be calm, patient, but firm with them when it comes to your choices. Don't sever a relationship with them over parenting differences. Give them a chance to share what you're doing and why. You may be surprised with what you can teach them.

[mommato5]

I think it's going a tad overboard to stop seeing them just because they try giving your child a taste of something. That isn't worth the damage you will be doing to them and your child. My MIL spoils my kids and buys them junk when she has them (one weekend every other month). We just let Grandma do her thing. Luckily my mother isn't like that and sticks by my rules.