Am I right to be concerned about my nephew?

[salmontree]

My SIL stopped nursing her ds when he was around 2 months old.. I *think* she gave him formula for awhile but it seems like she stopped altogether around 6 mo. She's been feeding him solids since he was 2 mo or so.. :

He's 10mo. now and she says he has a "bad digestive system". She said he can't have any formula or breastmilk without it giving him the runs. I'm not exactly sure what she means by that since I was under the impression that it's pretty normal for babies to have runny poo. I also don't know how she is sure that bm would mess with him since she hasn't nursed for so long. I think she just said that because she was afraid that I would nurse him or feed him pumped bm.

Today is the first time I've babysat him and I just fed him (against my better judgement but following SIL's directions and what was in the lunchbox) peanut butter on wheat bread, pineapple, and a hotdog..all cut up in tiny bits.
*sigh*

Shouldn't he be getting formula at this age?? She just gives him cow milk at naps and in the morning and night. It seems like just about everything she does is the exact opposite of how I parent and it's hard to talk to her about it because I don't think she takes my opinion seriously.. She thinks I'm some kind of radical freak for nursing past 6 mo, cloth diapering, not mutilating my son and using gentle discipline. I try not to harp on her anymore after I put up such a fuss about the circumcision issue.. I was literally begging her not to do it and it broke my heart that she went ahead and did it, despite all the information I gave her.:

However this feeding issue really concerns me.. I've pushed her to nurse and then nagged her about whether or not she was giving him formula because I knew they didn't have alot of money and I had a feeling, with how much solid food I saw them giving him, that she was giving him very little, if any, formula. Do you think he's getting enough nutrition by just eating solids and drinking cow milk? He's very chunky but still small in length.. he still fits (tho just barely) in 6mo. size clothes..

Sorry this rambled on for so long.. I'm worried about this sweet little guy.. I'm thinking about talking to my MIL about it since I think her word might have more clout than mine..

[Earthy Mama]

I'm pretty sure that bm and formula are to be the main source of nutrition until at minimum a year.....

[salmontree]

Thanks, EarthyMama..that's what I've always thought too..

[gargirl]

peanut butter and or peanuts are NOT supposed to be given to kids under 2... or did they just raise the age again? It is a highly allergic food.

OMG, hot dogs??? I wouldn't put that garbage in my mouth even when I ate meat. I can't imagine giving it to a baby....

[anjelika]

Yes, he should certainly still be on formula if breastfeeding was discontinued. Also, regarding the "bad digestion", it seems to me that some of the foods he is eating (peanut butter, hot dogs, possibly pineapple) could be contributing to this - peanut butter especially can irritate the system and even sometime stimulate allergy development in a child so young. Has she thought about going to a simpler diet (rice, barley, pasta, apple, peaches, carrots, peas, beans, etc.)?

Does your nephew have a decent pediatrician? Maybe you could encourage your sister to make a well-baby appointment. Mainstream advice for sure, but it would be an improvement.

Best of luck to all of you!

[chinaKat]

I don't personally subscribe to solids in general and cow's milk, hot dogs, or PB at such an early age. BUT... that's pretty much how a lot of kids were raised a generation ago. My mom still talks about how my younger brother was such a hungry newborn she was giving him solids when he came home from the hospital!!! Probably not the best plan, but I don't think he (and all the other kids from his generation) were in mortal danger. Not getting the absolute best nutrition on earth, probably... but not in mortal danger.

Your nephew's "bad" digestive system *could* be b/c of her feeding habits... or it might not be. You don't know. (I'm sure hot dogs don't help, to be honest!) But since your SIL didn't want your advice about circ or BFing I'm going to guess she won't listen to your advice about food.

You could START by telling her that pineapple is a surefire way to produce runny poo, though. And if that helps his situation, you could gently suggest other dietary changes, one at a time.

You're going to have to tread carefully, though, since you say you have a history of nagging her about her parenting choices. No offense intended, but she's probably sick of listening to you tell her what she's doing wrong. If you want to help your nephew's diet, you'll probably have to go slowly on this.

[angie7]

My 14 month old's are still getting 2 bottle of formula a day!!! I know that cow's milk (whole) shouldnt be given before 12 months, p/b 12 months (as long as there havent been any previous allergies) and hot dogs! I wouldnt be given those even at 3!

I dont think anything you say is going to matter considering you have tried to talk to her before about it and she didnt listen. I dont have any advice for you on this one, sorry!

[cdahlgrd]

WIC provides free formula to families who have limited budgets. It is much easier to get than food stamps. Perhaps you could find a brochure and talk about how you are going to go in for some food coupons and how they also give free formula?

I would be very careful too. You may find yourself in a family war if you aren't careful.

[salmontree]

update..

Thanks, everyone.

So, my MIL never visited today so I didn't get a chance to talk to her about it. However, my SIL actually brought up the dietary stuff on her own. It must weigh on her mind somewhat.. either that or she can sense my disapproval without me even saying a word and therefore decided to preemptively defend her food choices. I really do try and speak gently about these things with her because she is young (22), and as my only SIL, I want to have a good relationship with her, despite our differences. I have a strong desire to defend the innocent and find my emotions especially riled up when it comes to babies not getting the care I think they deserve but I do my darndest to avoid letting that turn me into too much of a nag...

So anyway, I got to hear her take on things abit more. Apparently when he has formula, his bowel gets "knotted up" for awhile and then come out really explosively and it's very uncomfortable for him. So it was her pediatrician who told her to eliminate it.. apparently they had tried several brands.

She also talked about a couple other medical conditions that had me confused. First she said that his Rh negative blood type makes him more prone to excessive bleeding and more susceptible to illness.. like a weakened immune response.. I've never heard of this being associated with Rh negative blood type alone.. So this makes me wonder if she is correctly understanding everything the doctor is telling her.. or maybe that her doctor is not very good at his job..

The second thing she said was that he has "type A diabetes" but not so bad that he needs insulin shots...just that she needs to keep his blood sugar up by giving him candy?? I thought that was hypoglycemia- sort of the opposite of diabetes- that caused people to have low blood sugar levels.. It's what my SIL herself says she has and uses to justify the mountain dew and candy bar she so often has with her..

I didn't really challenge anything that she was saying about this stuff even though most of it sounded like wrong information to me. How could I?
"I think your doctor is giving you bad information or you've completely misunderstood what you've been told.." Naw.. I couldn't bring myself to say anything like that so I just sort of said,
"hm.. I didn't know that.. I'll have to read up on it.."

Anyhow.. about his food intolerances.. I didn't want to start too much family drama, and since I really want to watch my nephew on a regular basis, I kept my opinion short and not too harsh..
She asked me if our dd (ds is not her biological nephew) had any allergies because she's been wondering if there's a genetic component to it. I said no, none. I then said in a lighthearted way, " I hate to say it, but I think there could really be a connection between early introduction of solids and food allergies..." She smiled kind of sheepishly and just said, "yeah, maybe..." and we left it at that.

I'd love to suggest trying a simpler diet like someone previously mentioned but I don't there's much chance of her doing it. She's stretched to her limit between her job, constant major man troubles on two different fronts and yet being essentially a single mother.. She's an eat-out-of-the-box kinda lady.
However, I think I will suggest leaving out the peanut butter, since that is so highly allergenic..

If I get to watch my nephew on a regular basis, I'll make a point of feeding him simple whole foods, for sure.. I love this kid alot and I'm hoping she gives me the chance to hang out with him on a weekly basis..

Thanks for reading this far.. It's nice to talk to others besides my husband about this.. It's a topic that is (understandably) uncomfortable for him, so it's nice to have some unbiased opinions.

[kirk_heidi]

My dad was on cow's milk from very, very young because he couldnt' tolerate anything else (it was per doctor orders too). He was 32 pounds at 1 year! The peanut butter might be an issue because he is highly allergic but my babies eat it. I think you idea of feeding him whole foods when he is with you is a great one as long as you watch for any new allergies and make mom aware of them.

[mamachandi]

some doctors are reccomending weaning from formula BEFORE 1 years old! I met this woman at the mall the other day who's 10 month old was very fussy and she said how "my doctor told me to wean him from the formula so he just gets drinks in a cup now and thats why he's so sad". I was like "isn't that a little early"? and she saaid "I thought so too, but he's the expert":

[pixiesmommy]

Hugs to you for caring and worrying and trying to help.

I was in this same situation with my nephew. He is my sister's son and lived next door to me for the first 5 yrs of DD's life. He's also 11 months older than DD.

My sister never BF at all and went through formula after formula for him until she finally found a soy formula that "worked." She also started solids early, but processed table foods like you are mentioning. He had constant reflux, GI probs, ear infections, allergies- you name it. The child always had bad poos and dark circles under his watery eyes and a runny nose. He would BEG me to nurse when I nursed DD and I had to struggle not to.

It's a tough situation. I ended up babysitting him so often that I did have some control over his diet, but of course that was because DD was beginning to eat solids by then and I would just give them the same (healthy, age appropriate) foods rather than the junk she was feeding him at home. I still love him like my very own and worry about him all the time, but I have had to come to terms with the fact that I can't be responsible for how she raises him, even if it goes completely against what I would have done as a parent. It's soooo very hard to see a child suffer like this.

I say do what you can, but realize your limits and try, try, TRY to not worry yourself sick about it. :

Feel free to PM me if you need to vent. I've been there, unfortunately. And I've started many family wars too. ((Sigh!))

Manda

[JanB]

Originally Posted by harpyr

The second thing she said was that he has "type A diabetes" but not so bad that he needs insulin shots...just that she needs to keep his blood sugar up by giving him candy??

Just to address this part of your post, Type A diabetes is aka Type I diabetes. With this form of diabetes, the body's pancreas stops producing insulin. If you do not take insulin injections, you will die. Full stop. If your SIL thinks your nephew has Type I diabetes but does not need insulin injections, she is either confused about what a medical professional has told her, has received extremely bad information from a medical professional, or is making stuff up.

[Tilia]

Wow, that sounds really hard. I think you are doing a great job being gentle with your SIL. I really hope that you get to watch him more.

I would bring stuff up when she comes to pick him up. I would say "We ate <insert whole food here> today and he LOVED it!!" I think he will be *okay* on cows milk AS LONG AS he gets a ton of nutrient rich foods to make up for the loss of not having momma's milk or formula.

[maxsmum]

My pediatrician just told me yesterday no milk until one year (even if still giving BM or formula) something about the proteins/lactose and digestion. Hot dogs!!! Nitrates-yuck! peanuts and treenuts, not supposed to give those either due to allergies. I did not read through all of the rest of the thread but my goodness these recommendations are extremely mainstream and does her pediatrician know what she is feeding him?

[sonrisaa29]

If you think she is maybe misunderstanding the doctors info, could you offer to go with her the next time she has a visit? Maybe then you could explain better what the doctor said ?

[thebee321]

I would be very concerned too. Not sure what you can do about it though, except kep asking questions and try to make suggestions.

I'm having a hard time believing the medical plan for controlling his diabetes is candy. For a 10 month old. I could almost get on board with juice for that, but not candy. What kind of candy is she giving him? Wouldn't most candies be a choking hazard until age 2 or 3?

[littlemizflava]

what if you try a soft approch? saying that you will help her to find out what is making him not feeling well have her do a food diary, getting fruits and veggies in him to "get his vitamins" maybe saying maybe he has a problem with processed foods harder on his tummy to digest by giving him w.w. breads and pastas... at this point there is no winning just to try to steer her in the right way maybe with saying the artificial colors, flavors and sugars are hard for him to digest

[choli]

I wonder if there could be an element of Munchausen (sp) Syndrome by Proxy to this situation? That whole diabetes things seem SO off the wall...Could the mom be seeking attention?

[EVC]

Originally Posted by cdahlgrd

WIC provides free formula to families who have limited budgets. It is much easier to get than food stamps. Perhaps you could find a brochure and talk about how you are going to go in for some food coupons and how they also give free formula?

The problem is that WIC gives coupons for milk, eggs, peanut butter, sugary breakfast cereals, and juice--not things a 10 month old should really be getting in large quantities. They do give coupons for formula up to a certain age (I think one year) and rice cereal (also up to one year), then they switch you to all peanut butter, Kix, milk, and juice. That's why we quit WIC.