Of all of the lines that I get from SAHM's, this one just sends me straight into the stratosphere as far as being PO'ed. And I think it pisses me off even more that every time a working mama cites her actual circumstances, the SAHM who really believes that "...in most cases it CAN be done if you make it the priority." backs down. We - both in the world and at MDC - represent a million different unique financial situations with a million different quirks. And to say something that amounts to 'you really could stay home if you tried hard enough' insults all our efforts to do the right thing for our families in unique circumstances. I'm sure there IS a way for every mother to say home (for instance, I'm sure we could come up with the extra $1200 a month we'd need if we won the lottery, robbed banks, or left the country and defaulted on our student loans, but making it a 'priority' by cutting discretionary spending isn't going to make the budget balance. 1/3 of our income is NOT discretionary!), we all know in our heart of hearts whether it is or is not practical and don't need to be told -- even by the best intentioned people.
furthermore, what I get tired of is feeling that I have to justify the fact that I woh financially. honestly, and very fortunately, in my situation it's more or less a wash as to whether or not, after other things are factored in, i bring in any extra money to the family budget monthly or not with my woh. that's not the point, though. for me, woh in my particular job is a part of who I am, just as being a mom is a part of who I am and both are more or less intrinsic to me. is my job as important as my DS? NO! But being able to be his mom and to be who I am apart from that is a blessing. I would simply not be as good a mom as I am now if I were a sahm. I don't feel that I need to justify that decision to anyone.
I feel that when we, as woh moms, start trying to justify ourselves to others based on finances we inevitably run into the "but you could really do it if you wanted to." with lots of commentary on cutting back on discretionary spending and etc. I'm not having a go at anyone who honestly believes that, but I'm saying that I simply don't care. I also think that, by engaging in these arguments, we basically, implicitly state that sahing is the best, unless other factors, such as finances, intervene. I don't believe that sahing is the best *for me* or for a lot of women or for their kids and their families. I think it's great for some families. But I don't work for the money. I work for my self-esteem, my self-respect, my love for my profession, in addition to maintaining my sanity. That's best for me and my family and I refuse to implicitly buy into the sahming is the best unless you *have* to work mentality . . .