I have a son who will be six in August and a two year old daughter. I am a SAHM and we homeschool. My son is very bright and has always been mature for his age. He has always had a pretty mild temperment. He has never really been what I would call "hyper". We got through the "terrible twos" without a hitch. I couldn't understand what was supposed to be so terrible about them...they were great for us. Then the threes came and we had some issues with him not wanting to do things that we ask of him, such as lay down when it was bed time, etc. And it would turn into an ordeal with him outright challenging us on things. No respect, no "fear" (which isn't really what I want anyway). We got through that and four and most of five were pretty decent. Now we've hit another rocky place in the road.
He questions and argues with pretty much everything that comes out of my mouth. It is so, so frustrating. The solution is probably a pretty simple one but thus far it has eluded me.
Some examples are me telling him to go brush his teeth. He asks "why" and he starts arguing. Or we are cleaning up the house and I hand him something that goes in his room and say "Take this to your room please" and he starts arguing and asking "why". Pretty much anything I ask/tell him to do turns into a ten minute argument.
If it were something like him not putting his shoes on when it was time for us to go to the park then I could use the consequence of "Well I guess we have missed our trip to the park because you refused to put your shoes on without an argument". But when it is something that doesn't matter to him one way or the other (like house being clean) then there isn't a lot that I can think of that would tie in for a consequence.
In the past I have pretty much always answered his "why" questions and that is probably part of the problem. I have "set him up" to think that he is "grown" and that he can question things. I'm not sure what has given him the idea that he doesn't have to do as he is asked though.
The way I've been dealing with this varies and the inconsistency may be part of the problem. But if I could find something that actually works then I wouldn't have a problem being consistent with it. My response has varied from explaining why I want him to do whatever it is to me telling him that I do not have to justify myself to him. I have tried telling him that we are not going to argue about it and that I am not going to have a discussion with him about it and then just shutting my mouth. Then he goes into a "But maaaammmaaaa, whyyyyy" and arguing basically with himself and whatever it was I told him to do still doesn't get done.
I have never been a parent who wanted a child to blindly "obey" but I've never been an overly permissive parent either. We don't spank and we mostly use logical and natural consequences. Some do see me as kind of "strict" as I insist that my kids have and use manners, clean up their messes, etc. I'm not really sure how to describe my parenting style. I AP when they are infants, we still do the family bed, we don't use CIO, we don't spank...but I am definitely not a parent who does the whole "find a mutual thing to make us both happy" deal that I have read about.
So anyway, I'm sure that I've screwed up somewhere along the way to bring this on but how do I fix it? I am to the point where I actually DO want a child who just obeys and does as he is told becuase I am so very tired of all the arguing and questioning.
I'm not sure if genetics play a roll but I can clearly remember not having a bit of fear of adults and of thinking I was "grown" myself. I would speak to adults as if I were an adult myself. Maybe I'm just "paying for my raising" as they say.
He questions and argues with pretty much everything that comes out of my mouth. It is so, so frustrating. The solution is probably a pretty simple one but thus far it has eluded me.
Some examples are me telling him to go brush his teeth. He asks "why" and he starts arguing. Or we are cleaning up the house and I hand him something that goes in his room and say "Take this to your room please" and he starts arguing and asking "why". Pretty much anything I ask/tell him to do turns into a ten minute argument.
If it were something like him not putting his shoes on when it was time for us to go to the park then I could use the consequence of "Well I guess we have missed our trip to the park because you refused to put your shoes on without an argument". But when it is something that doesn't matter to him one way or the other (like house being clean) then there isn't a lot that I can think of that would tie in for a consequence.
In the past I have pretty much always answered his "why" questions and that is probably part of the problem. I have "set him up" to think that he is "grown" and that he can question things. I'm not sure what has given him the idea that he doesn't have to do as he is asked though.
The way I've been dealing with this varies and the inconsistency may be part of the problem. But if I could find something that actually works then I wouldn't have a problem being consistent with it. My response has varied from explaining why I want him to do whatever it is to me telling him that I do not have to justify myself to him. I have tried telling him that we are not going to argue about it and that I am not going to have a discussion with him about it and then just shutting my mouth. Then he goes into a "But maaaammmaaaa, whyyyyy" and arguing basically with himself and whatever it was I told him to do still doesn't get done.
I have never been a parent who wanted a child to blindly "obey" but I've never been an overly permissive parent either. We don't spank and we mostly use logical and natural consequences. Some do see me as kind of "strict" as I insist that my kids have and use manners, clean up their messes, etc. I'm not really sure how to describe my parenting style. I AP when they are infants, we still do the family bed, we don't use CIO, we don't spank...but I am definitely not a parent who does the whole "find a mutual thing to make us both happy" deal that I have read about.
So anyway, I'm sure that I've screwed up somewhere along the way to bring this on but how do I fix it? I am to the point where I actually DO want a child who just obeys and does as he is told becuase I am so very tired of all the arguing and questioning.
I'm not sure if genetics play a roll but I can clearly remember not having a bit of fear of adults and of thinking I was "grown" myself. I would speak to adults as if I were an adult myself. Maybe I'm just "paying for my raising" as they say.
).
