The Fist of Solidarity

[CatsCradle]

I call this thread the Fist of Solidarity for two reasons: 1) to capture your attention; and 2) my DD clinches her fist, arm raised, whenever she breastfeeds (once I saw a political poster illustrating a clinched fist, and the top the poster was entitled "Solidarity").

This is a breastfeeding issue, and although it may have been a more appropriate subject for the breastfeeding threads, it is an issue more specific to working moms.

My DD has a wonderful appetite at her DCP. She eats all sorts of veggies, legumes, fruits and cereals, and I receive daily reports regarding her ravenous appetite and how much she loves her veggies. When she is at home, however, she barely eats solids. In the evenings and on the weekends, she almost exclusively breastfeeds (raising the fist of solidarity when she does so). Although I love to breastfeed, I worry that DD only associates home with breastfeeding, and our introduction to solids on the homefront is constantly being compromised by breastfeeding.

Have any working moms experienced this phenomenon, and if so, how have you dealt with it? I've done some web research but have found little info. Although I like our pediatrician, he's very single-minded regarding a baby's progress (i.e. babies need to start certain eating patterns at certain dates) and I'm sort of at a loss regarding DD's progress. DD will be eight months old next week (May 26). I want DD to self-wean, but I don't understand why she exhibits different eating patterns at the DCP and whether I should worried about her habits at home. Any comments?

[claras_mom]

At 8 months, I sure wouldn't sweat it.

eta - nak, or I'd go on at greater length :

[huggingmama]

I don't have any useful advice, but I have to say: I would love to see a poster modeled after the "breastfeeding fist of solidarity"!

[LovinLiviLou]

My first dd was like this, and it looks like the second is shaping up the same way. Eventually she will probably get more interested in food at home. I personally wouldn't start worrying at all about it til a year or after. Another trick I use with my second (who is almost a year) is that I nurse her as long as she wants when I get home from work, but only on one side. That way she gets her "connect with mommy" time but isn't overly full and so is still ready to eat when we eat dinner.

[Jane Plane]

I think using time at home to reconnect through breastfeeding is pretty common for kids who are in daycare. Mine never did more nursing at night (but they were not the nursiest kids), but reverse cycle nursing happens a lot.

I wouldn't worry about her never eating at home. Does she eat more on the weekends?

[milosmomma]

No advice, but as pp's said I wouldn't worry about it until at least a year.

I think the idea of just nursing on 1 side is great too.

"Fist of Solidarity" I love it!

[CatsCradle]

Thanks everyone, for your replies! I just get mixed signals from our pediatrician and from my family...our pediatrician especially seems to want to rush things...and told me not to be a "human pacifier." Sometimes I get the feeling that I am a human pacifier on the weekends, but maybe I should just chill.

Solidarity!

[claras_mom]

Even at almost two and a half there are evenings when my dd barely eats, but nurses plenty. Like yours, she eats very well at daycare. FWIW, my sil didn't even start her youngest on solids until she was nine months, and I'm pretty certain there are plenty of MDC mamas who would wait even a little longer. So as long as your dd is healthy, I wouldn't let external pressures dictate.

I too sometimes feel like a human pacifier....this too shall pass, in it's own time.

[AmyY]

The term "reverse cycling" mentioned above is the exact term that popped to my mind when I read your OP. It is a common and completely normal phenomenon. It means that daytime and nighttime nursing patterns are shifted.

Another thing to consider is the use of the term "human pacifier." Babies do (especially at the very young age of 8 months) receive most all they need for life at the breast. This includes nutrition, comfort, bonding, medicine, immune protection, etc. When babies use pacifiers they are using mother substitutes. Useful as those mother substitutes are, it's important to keep clear what is a substitute for what. There is no such thing, really, as a human pacifier, because it reverses what is true. The pacifier is a plastic nipple that substitutes for the mother. Again, I have no problem with their judicious use, I hope you hear that. I do disagree that women are used as pacifiers for our children. Pacifiers are used as substitutes for us. We are the original, and what we provide is not "pacification." It is life, pure and simple.

Solidarity.

[CatsCradle]

I do disagree that women are used as pacifiers for our children. Pacifiers are used as substitutes for us. We are the original, and what we provide is not "pacification." It is life, pure and simple.


You are right, and this seems to extend beyond breastfeeding. I recently read a study published by the Univ. of Notre Dame regarding co-sleeping and the family bed. One very interesting point made in the study was that societies like the U.S. and Great Britain tend to push children away from the time they are born, whereas other cultures nuture based on the concept that babies are born alone in this world and need to be brought into the fold. Hence, we put babies far away from us in cribs, or like Amy said above, give them other objects as attachments. We're so afraid, as a society, that the child will not learn independence. I never thought I would run into so much criticism regarding my parenting choices, especially from the medical establishment.

Sorry, got a little off subject but now I'm starting to reevaluate my original post.

[spedteacher30]

Our ped does not worry about solid foods until 12 months, and even then, he just wants to make sure that the kid doesn't have texture aversion or swallow issues. At 12 months, he just wanted to make sure that M *could* eat and swallow, not that he *did* so in large amounts.

At 8 months, M ate one or two four ounce servings of pureed food a day, and all of it was at daycare.

At 12 months, he was eating more regularly, but it was still far less than most recommended daily menus for toddlers.

Now, at 15 months, he has days where he eats mountains of food, and other days where he nurses gallons.

I wouldn't worry if I were you...

[Dmitrizmom]

I wouldn't worry at all... both of my dc didn't consistently eat solids until almost a year. At home, we didn't push them. Ds weaned pretty close to his 1st b-day : and went to an all solids diet. Dd didn't wean until she was past 3, but she had no trouble with solids when she started eating them regularly around 12 months.

[g&a]

Originally Posted by Jane Plane

I think using time at home to reconnect through breastfeeding is pretty common for kids who are in daycare.

As above. Nursing is a great way to reconnect after being away all day. When DD was 11 months I went back to work, and the first thing I would do when I got home was nurse. It was a perfectly delicious time that I relished.

Also be assured that breastmilk is perfectly nutritious, and it's really great that your DD is getting so much of it. It's really more nutricious than all the solids that you are feeding her.

re. self-weaning: I wouldn't expect that for another couple of years, so wouldn't worry about it now. She WILL wean when she is ready, but it's more common after 2+ years old.

good luck.
g.

[jessitron]

Your ped has nothing to do with this decision. You're the mom. If he's too pushy about it, fire him. There are plenty of likeable pediatricians out there.
She's eating solid foods just fine. She still likes to nurse. Both are very good for her. If the nursing doesn't bother you (as in, you don't mind being stuck on the couch for so long), then stick with it. As long as she's healthy, why worry?
Solidarity means you and DH and your baby! Doctors and extended family do not have to be part of it.

[Trillian]

DS is 9 months and does this also. We exclusively breastfeed when I'm home, and when I'm at work he takes a bottle and some solid food from DH. I wouldn't worry about it at all.

As for being a human pacifier, it is totally normal and developmentally appropriate for your baby to want to nurse a lot! As long as you are ok with it, I wouldn't pay any attention to the criticism.

[woobysma]

Originally Posted by spedteacher30

Our ped does not worry about solid foods until 12 months, and even then, he just wants to make sure that the kid doesn't have texture aversion or swallow issues. At 12 months, he just wanted to make sure that M *could* eat and swallow, not that he *did* so in large amounts.

My ped's the same way. He wanted me to introduce various solid foods at about 6-9 months, but didn't push for mass consumption of them. He just felt it was important to introduce solids for the experience, which I agree with. DS2 didn't really go for much solid food until about a year or so. But I did let him try various foods, so he's got an excellent attitude towards food now, imo. He'll try almost anything and likes everything from sushi rice to brussel sprouts.

[rrible]

I think I could have written your post, including the fist of solidarity part . DS has been eating solids wonderfully at daycare for over a month now and will also be 8 months old on 5/26. In the very beginning, when we were first experimenting with solids, I was able to feed him solids at home. Given our schedules, during the week, he only gets solids at day care (by the time DH picks him up and we all get home, it's 6 o'clock and DS conks out around 7-7:30). If it weren't for the fact that the daycare providers tell me he goes through one fruit and one veggie a day, I'd never believe he was able to eat solids since on the weekend it's all about nursing and solid feeding lasts about 2 bites. Home = mama, I guess. So, I know he CAN eat... As long as I keep offering it on the weekends, I guess at some point he'll decide that he wants solids at home, too. As long as he's happy and growing, I'm happy too.

We working mama's need as much solidarity as we can get to get through this juggling act.

[AmyY]

Originally Posted by CatsCradle

I do disagree that women are used as pacifiers for our children. Pacifiers are used as substitutes for us. We are the original, and what we provide is not "pacification." It is life, pure and simple.


You are right, and this seems to extend beyond breastfeeding. I recently read a study published by the Univ. of Notre Dame regarding co-sleeping and the family bed. One very interesting point made in the study was that societies like the U.S. and Great Britain tend to push children away from the time they are born, whereas other cultures nuture based on the concept that babies are born alone in this world and need to be brought into the fold. Hence, we put babies far away from us in cribs, or like Amy said above, give them other objects as attachments. We're so afraid, as a society, that the child will not learn independence. I never thought I would run into so much criticism regarding my parenting choices, especially from the medical establishment.

Sorry, got a little off subject but now I'm starting to reevaluate my original post.

FWIW I don't think your comments are off subject at all. Often the whole idea behind docs, etc pushing solids and being rather horrified at the amount of time normal human infants spend at the breast seems to be, as you say, the push toward what we call "independence" in our society. It isn't, in fact, independence (IMO at least), but rather a dependence on things to fill needs relationships were designed to meet. And a way to insure compliance in children early on so that they behave in a way that is convenient for small numbers of adults who tend to larger numbers of children. For those of us whose young children are (or will be) in the care of others I think these issues are all related. The fact is, it's simply not possible for a baby to not be attached to nursing and to mama, and it's probably unrealistic to expect a baby that age to want solids more than the food that sustains his life and his spirit in equal measure. It's hard work but hard work doesn't (as our disposable product society would, I think, want us to believe) equal bad mothering. It's just how it is.

OK NOW we're off topic! Happy nursing mama! Solidarity!

[DandeCobb]

my son is almost a year old : he eats tons more at daycare than at home and has since i started sending him solids to DCP. at home he wants Mu-Mu (which i think is going to be the name for nursing round here-he picked it, not me) i do notice when i am off for several days in a row (i worked a varied parttime schedule) he will not be as dependant on nursing and more open to solids than when i work every other day or several days in a row. i wouldn't worry about him (her?) a bit. sounds like a normal healthy attatchment to mama to me.

on the subject of pediatricians i think we have all forgotten that we are paying doc's for a service provided. i think they tend to forget this as much as we do. thats why they feel like everything related to children is within their purview, and its not. i beleive a pediatrician is there to HELP me decide if my child's health and development is okay, and HELP me treat his minor illness/injuries. i think a pediatrician's view on breastfeeding and nutrition and car seat safety (now i know there are some who are very educated on BFing and nutrition but they few are far between) is really irrelevent. I think their giving unsolicited advice on the subject is akin to your mechanic telling you how best to clean your car- it is close to their expertise but not.