Stop giving my kids Sugar!!!!

[Meikos]

Okay I need advice, I have a big problem with the neighbor. We are a sugar free house....for the most part anyways..sugar is for holidays or special occasions and even then it's homemade treats and not crappy store/dyed/chemical pseudo-food...enough said on that...my problem is with the neighbors, my girls play with the girl next door, we live in townhouses that are connected so the backyard play area is all connected...and the little girl next door, well I feel bad for her, she is 5 and weighs...jeez prob. a good 70lbs...extremely overweight...and constantly has --soda, popsicles, poptarts, crap crap crap....I would like to scream at her mother...look what your feeding your kid...look at her!!! anyways...kids being kids, she always wants to share with mine and I don't want them eating that stuff so I have explained our dietary choices to the mother, to my kids, to the little girl...to the girls babysitter....but it's not working....now I'm labeled the hippie freak--literally heard them call me that when I called my girls in when they broke out the poptarts, but thats beside the point they can call me whatever, I just want them to stop giving my kids that crap, now it's like they think it's funny to "sneak" my kids "treats" --- what do I do? I've sent my own kids out with snacks to share ..raisins, oranges and the girl devours them like she's starving which she prob is totally malnourished and I've even said to her mother, wow C really loves oranges....but they don't get it..or care or ARRRRGH....it's just a bad deal, and we would love to move but that isn't an option right now, and keeping my kids inside all the time isn't fair, I bring them in whenever the junk comes out and have even explained it to the little girl that my girls aren't to have that and they can come back out after she's done eating ...whatever....Ive even said (and I felt horrible) that if she kept giving my girls sugar that they weren't going to be able to play with her at all, ---I felt awful when I saw the look on her face, she doesn't understand that her food her mother gives her is poison, it's the only food she knows....

oh please better mothers than I give me some good creative methods of dealing with this, without having an all out war with the neighbors....

:

[mamachandi]

oh i feel ya- I probably would do the same thing as you. When my dd was in school the teacher just didn't get it. I finally had to have a meeting with her! Thank goodness there was another hippy freak mom in my dd's class who...gasp... didn't want her child eating any sugar or artificial junk either. So we compromised we allowed*some* sugar as long as it was natural. No artificial candy junk or anything like that. We also told them we would bring in (we colaborated) similar items when the teacher just had to serve something junky (like cupcakes...we would make our own). Im sorry you are going through this. Its very frustrating Im sure. Just stand your ground and don't let anything slide. You will just have to watch them like a hawk until some trust is built up. My sister n law would always try and sneak candy to my little ones...thats why I don't let her babysit anymore! She thinks I can't smell fruit roll ups on my dd's breath!!??...grrr...Good luck!

[mommy2abigail]

Ok, I totally understand where you are coming from. Reallly I do. That being said, I do think you are getting super worked up over this. I got anxiety reading your post. If you dont want your kids to eat that stuff, then maybe they just should not play with the neighbor? Or at least, only play at your house/condo where you can control the snacks? Really though, your children have a diet that is 99% whole foods/organic/healthy, treats once in a while are not going to make them obese/unhealthy/whatever. Your children live in a world where unhealthy food choices are everywhere, and eventually they will be exposed to them. That is not to say you should just throw in the towel, but I think it's an excellent opportunity to talk about smart food choices with them, and give them a little responsibility in making those choices. (I am assuming since they go over to play they are jolder than say 5 years old?) Unfortunately, as much as we would like to sometimes, we cannot control what parents feed/do/say to their own children. You can offer to bring healthy snacks which I see you are doing, but you cannot control what the neighbor buys for her own child, yk? I had a hard time with diet with my dd. She's only 2 so I still really am the sole source of food choices for her. However, I have relaxed a bit with things like ice cream every once in a while. I certainly dont do this everyday, but once a week, sure.

[mamachandi]

Originally Posted by mommy2abigail

Ok, I totally understand where you are coming from. Reallly I do. That being said, I do think you are getting super worked up over this. I got anxiety reading your post. If you dont want your kids to eat that stuff, then maybe they just should not play with the neighbor? Or at least, only play at your house/condo where you can control the snacks? Really though, your children have a diet that is 99% whole foods/organic/healthy, treats once in a while are not going to make them obese/unhealthy/whatever. Your children live in a world where unhealthy food choices are everywhere, and eventually they will be exposed to them. That is not to say you should just throw in the towel, but I think it's an excellent opportunity to talk about smart food choices with them, and give them a little responsibility in making those choices. (I am assuming since they go over to play they are jolder than say 5 years old?) Unfortunately, as much as we would like to sometimes, we cannot control what parents feed/do/say to their own children. You can offer to bring healthy snacks which I see you are doing, but you cannot control what the neighbor buys for her own child, yk? I had a hard time with diet with my dd. She's only 2 so I still really am the sole source of food choices for her. However, I have relaxed a bit with things like ice cream every once in a while. I certainly dont do this everyday, but once a week, sure.

I disagree. With kids you can't say "just this once" they don't understand that. Everytime an opportnity comes upo where there is sugar as an option they will think they can have it "just this once" even though they had it yesterday too. That concept does not work. I did not let my dd have candy until she was 7 years old. We always said we don't eat that. It was never an issue-no temper tantrums or anything. she just understood that we never ate it so she never asked for it. Now when she was 7,I felt she was old enough to start maiking her own choices. she was spending more time away from homw (sleepovers etc) so I relented and said it was her choice now if she wanted candy. We are veg, so she went on line and looked up all the vegetarian candy options and now only eats from that list. she is now 12 and still eats off that list. she is very good about it and does not over do the candy thing at all. I think its important for parents to be firm in the rules otherwise what the point of having them? kids will not respect the just this once rule its meaningless.

[Meikos]

I don't let my kids go into the neighbors house, but the backyard play area is shared so to not let my kids play with the neighbor kid means not letting my kids play outside and they love it out there, it's fenced and safe and they have their toys and wagons, I was hoping the mother would learn by example by looking at my healthy/fit kids, but maybe some people really don't know about nutrition..I don't know...processed sugar foods make my 3.5yr old who is already spirited out of control..the crash from that crap really sends her reeling: ...and my kids do get treats, we love to bake, we love sorgham and honey and even raw cane sugar...we prob. find a reason to bake once a week at least..I may have sounded too extreme in my first post, but I'm not opposed to sweets completely, I just like to know whats in them and where they are made, and if I can I bake a healthy twist in (carrot cake, zuchinni muffins etc..I make chocolate cake with beets and my kids go nuts over it : ) all the better.
and I am hard nosed about it I guess, but sneaking my kids processed chemical food after I've explained my stance on it is in my eyes akin to giving them drugs...white sugar and red #40 for my 3.5yr old is a drug..because she gets high and then crashes and then hungover ....and if I could afford it I would feed the kid next door too so she wouldn't be hungry all the time and eating so much crap, but eating organically and whole is expensive and we are not rich folks by any means, and my kids come first. Anyways I'm starting to ramble...my main points are:
1. my kids can't be closed in the house 24/7 or devoid of social contact with other kids
2. I'm not opposed to sweets, I have a major sweet tooth myself...I'm just opposed to chemical laden processed who knows what lab it came from food.

thanks all for listening..I love these boards..it's the only contact I have with mothers that are more like me than not.

[greeny]

That sounds really frustrating.

1. You already tried talking to the neighbor kids' mother and babysitter and they refused to listen to you. Is there a chance that you could approach them again (very gently and politely) and discuss this another time?

2. You can't keep your kids inside because they want to play outdoors. Maybe you can make it a point to always be outside with them when they're out there. I mean, they're pretty young anyway. I never let my kids play outside in our fenced back yard alone (and this is no judgement on you and your choices - just pointing out that staying out there with them is an option).

3. Start working on talking with your kids about making wise food choices. They are pretty young to be solely responsible for resisting junk food and sugar that's offered to them, but it's never too soon to start the discussion.

4. You've already brought out snacks. I know it's expensive to share the organics with the other girl. What if you gave your kids little baggies of snacks, or little tupperwares or whatever of approved snacks for them to eat? Remind them that they should eat their snacks, not their friend's snacks.

[dubfam]

How Aggravating!!!!

I have a 4yo ds and he des not do well with sugar/processed foods/dyes etc. He is really spirited and has a reaction exactly like what you described with your dd.
People think I am being mean by not giving him this stuff. They don't understand what it does to him. I don't eat processed sugar foods because I am also very sensitive to them. I feel really weird inside a few minutes after eating something like that. I am an adult, and not a very small on either!! If it makes me feel so weird I can't imagine what it does to a small child who is sensitive. That is what keeps me from feeling guilty. I know it is bad for him and it will make him feel like cr*p later.

I am assuming that your kids are happily accepting the exciting frankenfood when you aren't looking, and it sounds like they are to young to resist the temptation.
Have you thought about telling your neighbors that your children are allergic to the dyes and preservatives in the foods? It wouldn't exactly be lying, you could even just say they are extremely sensitive to them. Maybe they will stop if they realize your kids could get sick from eating it.
It would also be planting that seed of knowledge in your neighbor's head that those kinds of foods have weird stuff in them.

I really feel for you. They are being completely out of line and disrespectful. Sounds like they are little more than children themselves.

[dovey]

We have similar issues.....I mean, not with somebody so blatantly ignoring our requests!: I can't believe that! But with people unknowingly offering my son non-vegan food. I agree with the previous posters, it seems like it would be easier if your daughters were the ones saying 'no' rather than you. My son, who is 3, feels strongly about eating vegan food. (I didn't even mean to give him my values so much about the subject; we just talked about it from the animal rights perspective a few times, and he took it to heart.) So, we just leave it up to him whether he wants to eat a food or not, and he always asks if it's vegan. Sometimes he chooses to eat it, if he REALLY wants it (like milk chocolate candy), but most of the time, he refuses the snack or eats something else. I mean, it does cause grief sometimes, like if my son finds out that his friend's b-day cake isn't vegan, he'll cry, but not eat it.

I think that young kids can easily understand food choices if they have a good explanation for choosing one way or the other. My son is definitely old enough to make his own choices on the matter. I'll bet your daughter might be too.

The disrespect that you're getting from your neighbors is another story entirely. I'm shocked that somebody would act like that. Maybe if you are just show extra extra respect to them, they would get the idea that you're taking the first step to become friends, and they would stop acting like that. Maybe you could make them a loaf of healthy banana bread or something, and go over to chat about all the good things you see in her kids. Hope it works out!

[mamachandi]

Originally Posted by dovey

We have similar issues.....I mean, not with somebody so blatantly ignoring our requests!: I can't believe that! But with people unknowingly offering my son non-vegan food. I agree with the previous posters, it seems like it would be easier if your daughters were the ones saying 'no' rather than you. My son, who is 3, feels strongly about eating vegan food. (I didn't even mean to give him my values so much about the subject; we just talked about it from the animal rights perspective a few times, and he took it to heart.) So, we just leave it up to him whether he wants to eat a food or not, and he always asks if it's vegan. Sometimes he chooses to eat it, if he REALLY wants it (like milk chocolate candy), but most of the time, he refuses the snack or eats something else. I mean, it does cause grief sometimes, like if my son finds out that his friend's b-day cake isn't vegan, he'll cry, but not eat it.

I think that young kids can easily understand food choices if they have a good explanation for choosing one way or the other. My son is definitely old enough to make his own choices on the matter. I'll bet your daughter might be too.

The disrespect that you're getting from your neighbors is another story entirely. I'm shocked that somebody would act like that. Maybe if you are just show extra extra respect to them, they would get the idea that you're taking the first step to become friends, and they would stop acting like that. Maybe you could make them a loaf of healthy banana bread or something, and go over to chat about all the good things you see in her kids. Hope it works out!

hey did you know peta has a vegan commercial candy list? If the topic comes up with your kids in the future (and it will) you can show them this list and at least they will still be vegan.
http://www.petakids.com/candy.html

[vegaenglit]

my FIL is the same way. constantly says how bad junk food is, how it's not good for lucien (he's convinced that's what's making lucien "hyper-active." no he's friggin 2.5 year old! ggr.) but is constantly going to and bringing home macdonalds for lucien - often times without telling me and so when he comes in carrying the bag, of course lucien wants some. he tells lucien "eat your dinner so you can get dessert." um no, that's my/my husbands decision to make.

MIL is also constantly buying him sugary snacks.

and i have the biggest sweet tooth in the world, but i can see cookies/cake/candy without needing to get into it, my kid cant.

and i cant say anything without them getting all butt-hurt and jeremy is not supportive about it at all.

im counting the days until we are out of here.

[tiffer23]

I just wouldn't allow my kids over there. A little bit wouldn't hurt your girls, but as much as it sounds like is over there, yes, that's bad!

I'd let the little girl come over, but without food and drnks. If she wants something she can either have good food or water at your house, or go home and eat and come back. *shrug*

[dubfam]

Originally Posted by tiffer23

I just wouldn't allow my kids over there. A little bit wouldn't hurt your girls, but as much as it sounds like is over there, yes, that's bad!

The OP said several times that she isn't allowing the kids to go into the house.
There is a Shared Backyard, so anytime her kids go Outside they are being offered treats.

I wish I had a good solution!!!!

[lilyka]

if you are that concerned about everything that goes into their mouth you are going to have to teach them not to accept those things and supervise them and polietly refuse whenever they are offered treats. it would be rude for her child to eat these things and not offer them to your child too. I thihk she is just trying to be noce and really doesn't get it. so it is your job to be really clear on the "thanks but no thanks"

[lalaland42]

We had a similar issue with DD's school. She only goes three days a week and one week they gave her so much sugar she stopped napping and turned into an out of control child. I asked for a meeting with the teacher and told her that the sugar makes her very sick. I brought along a box of DD's favorite crackers (Annie's Whole Wheat Bunnies) and gave them to her telling her that if there is a sugary snack, she is to give DD the bunnies. Incidentally, DD loves the bunnies more then she likes sugar. She will stop eating cupcakes after a couple of bites but she will eat the bunnies until they are gone. You can't really do this with the neighbor but what if you put a small table in the backyard and a snack tray (see the Nutrition forum about a toddler snack tray) with healthy foods. Every hour or so replenish. Insist to the neighbor that the sugar makes your kids sick! Describe the details in mindnumbing fashion. Beat her over the head with it. Then tell her you are putting snacks outside for your kids and that she can't give your kids anything.

[Ruthla]

I think you need to teach your kids that they're only allowed to eat food that Mommy approves.

You can't stop others from offering them junk, especially when it's another child doing the offering. But you CAN teach them to decline these offers.

[Meikos]

Originally Posted by lalaland42

what if you put a small table in the backyard and a snack tray (see the Nutrition forum about a toddler snack tray) with healthy foods. Every hour or so replenish. Insist to the neighbor that the sugar makes your kids sick! Describe the details in mindnumbing fashion. Beat her over the head with it. Then tell her you are putting snacks outside for your kids and that she can't give your kids anything.

Now here is a great constructive idea! thanks I hadn't thought of it.

[Lady Lilya]

This is my fear. I have nightmares about it.

We are a 100% no sugar household. Also, no soy, no pork, no shellfish, no refined grains, and no artificial ingredients.

It is hard for people to understand what we eat and what we don't. They often look so similar. Why is the apple pie I made fine, but not the one they made or bought in the store? I expect this will be very hard for children to understand.

I will have to explain to them that some of the ingredients might be poison, even if it looks the same as something I give them. They may see the other people eating them and think that if they aren't visibly harmed then it must be fine. So I will have to say that it is a slow-acting poison and it will be many years down the line when the effects are seen. Small children have trouble with making decisions today with consequences so far down the line.

My plan is to try to be the home in the neighborhood where everyone comes to play, with the yard that everyone comes to play in, so that they will usually have their friends over our place instead of going where I can't control the snacks.

[dubfam]

So who has a 3 year old who would turn down a cookie if mom wasn't looking?

I know my kid wouldn't have! He didn't have that kind of self control at 3.

OP has every right to expect her kids to be able to play in her own backyard without someone offering them junk food all day long.

It just seems like some of the PP's are faulting the OP because her kids wont just say "No Thanks". Well I really don't personally know a 3 yo kid who would. Especially not a kid who doesn't usually get that stuff. They are pretty impulsive around that age.

[Meikos]

thank you so much DubFam

It's true my 3.5 yr old is impulsive about bright blue popsciles (the awful ones -imo- in tubes straight high fructose corn syrup and dye.)
she is starting to make a connection though with the days she does sneak a good amount of crap that she crashes and feels awful, crying and all....I'm baking away making up healthy inexpensive snacks at the moment working on the perfect honey wheat cracker

[m9m9m9]

I think it is incredibly irresponsible of your neighbor to offer food to your kids, especially to young kids, without asking you first if it is ok.

What if your child had developed an allergy to something and this woman offered her that food?

I would tell the neighbor that if she is planning to give out treats that she needs to ask your child to come in the house and ask you if it is ok for her to have some. I had to do this as a child and so did my friends. I would also tell my child they are not to accept food from the neighbor or the neighbor's child w/o asking you first no matter what the kid or the adult says is ok. They should always check with you first. That way you can give them a different snack or just say no.

I would also be worried that they are being offered snacks for no real reason. I mean if they are hungry that's one thing but if they just get bored or the kids are noisy or something that doesn't seem like a reason to give a kid a snack of any type.

Maggie