I Know This is Wrong...but WHY?? - Page 5

[wallacesmum]

I see your is one day older than mine - maybe tonight's my night too!

[mimiharshe]

Just wanna say that I have done the same co-sleeping w/both dc and one is a GREAT sleeper (he's just turning 2) and the other is NOT (she is 3). It does depend on your dc!

Applecrisp. Hang in there. It is frustrating having transitions and you'll wanna pull your hair out, then all of a sudden you figure it out. It's great you came here to get advice b/c you can pull out tidbits of what will work for you. I too am in a frustrating stage w/dd. We have a great thing down for a few months, then BAM she'll go through a change and it'll be 2-4 weeks figuring it out again. She's sleeping thru the night but won't go to bed when she needs to or take naps. We KNOW she needs them b/c of behavior during the day. But coming to MDC and just sticking it out helps!

Keep us posted. And give your dc big hugs and kisses from all of us!

[Maiasaura]

woohoo, applecrisp, i'm so happy for you! hey, even if tonight is awful, you know now that good nights *can* happen. hang onto that one thought/hope. it will happen again. and again. and then two in a row. and then more. and then one day you will be where some of us are, looking back on that time, going "WHEW! how did i ever survive that?!? i did it! i did it!" with that silly happy dance arms going stirring round and round

aww, thanks so much to the pp's who commented on my post. you made me smile BIG WIDE

thanks!
and you go, applecrisp. hang in there! doesn't it so help to know others are out there? i LOVE these boards! :
pamela

[GoodWillHunter]

Sending *sleep sleep sleep* to your little man. It's a tough job, mama. I think you're doing fabulously.

[WhaleinGaloshes]

Originally Posted by AppleCrisp

The mattress on the floor actually wasn't too bad last night....He then fell deeply asleep for most of the early morning. I was able to get up, get dressed, and have breakfast without worrying about him - it was truly a novel sensation!

Yaaay! :

[AppleCrisp]

Well, proceeding as before....I just wait on the mattress with him and he eventually puts himself to sleep which is totally a new phenomenon. It takes him a good hour of rolling around and belly-flops, but it eventually works. He's still been waking every few hours, but puts himself back to sleep as long as I'm nearby.

Thanks all....if not for your advice I'd be persisting with CIO, and we'd probably be miserable.

[nylecoj]

Originally Posted by AppleCrisp

Thanks all....if not for your advice I'd be persisting with CIO, and we'd probably be miserable.

Yay! Good for you, Applecrisp!

[mimiharshe]

awesome!

[Manfa]

Wow thank you

I'd just like to say thank you to pretty much everyone for an informative and interesting thread... I felt I was being pressured by various people to let my baby "cry it out" (hes only 5weeks old !!!!!!!!!!) and now I'm so glad I don't do that. A little whimpering or fussing is one thing - often he doesn't even wake properly and goes right back to sleep but if he hasn't settled within a few minutes or if he cries hard I do go to him and now I feel reassured I am doing the right thing which is a good feeling for a new mum like me.

I'd also like to say WELL done to the OP.... sounds like you've had a hard time of it but you're coming through it and thats so nice to hear and so encouraging!

I've never had a baby before but I have had dogs and cats and I don't think that drawing very basic parallels between mammals is misleading or wrong.... Knowing that mammals are just not designed to sleep alone is what made me decide to have my baby beside the bed and not in a nursery. Here's a thought: when I get a new puppy I allow it to sleep in a crate beside my bed. When he has settled in and is sleeping through the night I move the crate gradually to its permanent location. If I cut that much slack to a dog, you can bet I believe it's owed to a human infant!

I'd also like to offer a suggestion to anyone who wants their baby to go to sleep without having to nurse them to sleep. I've recently bought a sheepskin rug for my baby and I lay this on my lap for him to lie on as he is feeding. If he falls asleep at my breast he is less likely to wake when moved because there is less dramatic change in temp, he's not going from warm body>cold cot. Sheepskin helps to keep babies warm in the winter and cool in the summer and its been used for young babies for centuries. Laying him on the rug helps him go into "cosy mode" now too... he seems to associate it with being all cutched up and warm and nursing. Just like with pups, when I want to get rid of a "bad" association, I bring in a new association and wean off the unwanted one.... does that make sense? (NB I use a bit of muslin under his head for safety, in case he turns his face into the sheepskin )

[christinelin]

I just wanted to post my own experience and how our journey has gone, in case it is helpful to anyone.

With my oldest, I had a much more mainstream perspective. I expected to have the baby in a cosleeper until, say 6 months, when she would, of course, be sleeping through the night in her own crib. Needless to say, I had quite a comeupance. She was in our bed that first night and by 5 months was waking literally every 20 minutes unless I was next to her. Everyone we spoke with said CIO, which we did, and I really regret it. It never really worked. She cried constantly, and I was hysterical, too. She still didn't sleep through the night until after 2 years.

With my second, I decided I would do it all differently. I nursed my DS back to sleep every time. He, too, woke constantly -- every 45 minutes or so. When I was about halfway through my pregnancy with my third, my DH took over putting my DS to sleep and with the nursing to sleep association broken, he started sleeping longer stretches (a couple of hours at a time). We moved him to a bed in a room with his sister around 2 years (he was still welcome in our bed) and then nightweaned him around 27 months. He has slept throught the night fairly consistently since around 2 1/2.

My third child followed the same pattern. I nursed him back to sleep every time and he woke every 45 minutes until I came to bed. We have just started having DH do bedtime and he, too, is sleeping longer stretches.

I guess this is a short way of saying that based on my family I do think that Ferber is right: kids who are nursed to sleep may have a hard time resettling themselves if the nipple isn't there when they wake (I say "may" because I know plenty of kids nursed back to sleep who can resettled at least a couple of times before needing to nurse again.).

For me, the next question is, is a nursing to sleep association a problem. In a biological sense, I don't believe it is (I highly second the recommendation to read "Our Babies, Ourselves" by Meredith Small.) I think this is the way babies have evolved to behave for a reason and I think that if we can accept it, they will either grow out of it or be able to more easily accept an alternate method of falling asleep eventually.

The other challenge is meeting the sleep needs of the other members of the household. I have done this by going to sleep very early (usually after DS's first waking). That means my evening time alone has been just 45 minutes, which sort of sucks, but I also know this stage of life is fleeting and I believe that meeting my children's needs is crucial. I also believe that you can change sleep associations much more easily at, say 1 1/2 or 2 years, if constantly nursing back to sleep doesn't work for your family.

Good luck to everyone who struggles with sleeping. It's a hard road, but I promise that they do sleep eventually!

[wallacesmum]

Originally Posted by christinelin

I expected to have the baby in a cosleeper until, say 6 months, when she would, of course, be sleeping through the night in her own crib.

Me too, exactly! Ah, what a good hamper the cosleeper makes...

[AppleCrisp]

Wanted to say that I also tried to read the Baby Whisperer - I really didn't like that one, in fact I felt like it was worse than Ferber. If your baby doesn't do X,Y, and Z on this timeline, its because YOU didn't do something right. And most stupid, her motto is "start as you mean to continue" - i.e. don't start co-sleeping and then be surprised when it sucks and you have difficulty moving the baby into a bed. What new parent knows how they want things in to be in months or years from now? Kids change all the time. And she calls night-nursing parents "naive" for "whipping out the boob" whenever the baby wants it.

[WillyMom]

We are mammals and animals. Babies are the truest most natural state of humans. Surviving on instinct.
Before DS was born I had NO intention of cosleeping or BF past 6 months and assumed that by 12 weeks he would be sleeping through the night.
Well 10 months later we co-sleep about 70-80% of the time and am still BF and BFing to sleep.
I learned about co-sleeping the hard way. I had my DS in a separate room in a crib and he woke up a lot. Finally I said I cant get up anymore. As soon as I brought him in he relaxed and slept. I am lucky that when we co-sleep, he sleeps for long stretches, 3-5 hours.
My point to the OP is, Good for you for following your instincts. My DH too at first was not on board with my "Earth Mom" parenting. But just tonight he asked if we should buy a cosleeper or rails for the bed. He realizes that our DS does not want to be in a separate room alone. I say "Do you think our ancestors had their babies in a different cave?". Yes I wish he would sleep for 10 hours in his crib. But in reality as a PP said, being with Mama at night is what babies are hard wired to do.
I have to read Dr.Gordons article. I am so glad that you stuck to your principles and didnt CIO. The reality is that all methods will have some crying even stuff in the NCSS by Pantley. But I truly believe that a baby crying with Mama holding him b/c the boobies have gone night night is MUCH different than being alone in a dark room left to cry.
Continued sleep and luck to you!

[Mizelenius]

3 DD here, 3 different sleepers.

1st one took the longest to sleep through the night. But now . . .she is 5 (in Feb.)-- we read to her, then she reads to herself (sometimes for an hour ), then turns off her light and SLEEPS!

2nd one (2) co-sleeps with DH. Does not sleep thru the night, but only wakes 1 or 2 Xs.

They really improved sleep once I nightweaned (I cannot sleep thru nursing, and they woke up hourly most nights).

23rd (3 months) falls asleep (nursing or being carried), then I put her tummy down in the crib. (I WISH I'd done this with my first two.) If I hold her she gets restless. She sleeps for 6 hours, nurses right back to sleep (we co-sleep at that point), then sleeps 2 more hours. She wakes every hour to nurse. She may start waking more once she starts teething.